Members TravvyBear Posted June 15, 2009 Members Share Posted June 15, 2009 www.soundclick.com/reverb728 or the myspace www.myspace.com/junonband You're the whiskey on my breath, with a side of ciggarettes What's been bothering you? You look a little blue You're the paper on my tongue, and the phone that never rung While I've been lying on the floor, you've been walking out doors. Ooooh Ooooh OOohhh Ooooh OOohh OOOhhh and I never want to go back home No I never wanna be away from you I, only want to hold your hand Yeah I only want to sit and talk with you And I don't just want to be your friend No I never wanna be away from you I only want to drink your wine Yeah,I only want to walk the street with you You've been wandering my mine, in a cascade of light Tell me what would Nietzsche say, if he saw you that way You can sleep away the day, but your soul is here to stay I'll take you to outer space, where we'll hide away Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh Ooooooh chorus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TravvyBear Posted June 16, 2009 Author Members Share Posted June 16, 2009 No suggestions ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ontological Posted June 16, 2009 Members Share Posted June 16, 2009 I liked it. Just focus on filling it up with other elements. Cheers,Deric Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted June 16, 2009 Members Share Posted June 16, 2009 I really like the opening line...alot Cant listen right now but lyrically you say you dont want to go home.Then you talk about walking streets and eventually going to outer space. I would be more specfic about home. ie that place I called home etc...Then try and go for a "Home is where the whiskey on your breath is" kinda thing. streets, outerspace etc... I am just guessing without being able to hear it right now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted June 16, 2009 Members Share Posted June 16, 2009 got a chance to listen to it cool vibe nice touch on the ooohs IMO, the only thing that doesnt work is the line I only want to drink your wine I would go with whiskey and try and make it rhyme maybe, only whiskey till the end either way cool song Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TravvyBear Posted June 16, 2009 Author Members Share Posted June 16, 2009 got a chance to listen to itcool vibe nice touch on the ooohsIMO, the only thing that doesnt work is the line I only want to drink your wineI would go with whiskey and try and make it rhymemaybe, only whiskey till the endeither way cool song Thanks, I'll work on it, and see what happens. I really appreciate you taking the time to listen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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