Members Danley Posted July 15, 2009 Members Share Posted July 15, 2009 Wrote and recorded this over the last two weeks. A bit meloncholy.... Looking for feedback. Thanks, Danley http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=650346&content=music Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dbd1963 Posted July 15, 2009 Members Share Posted July 15, 2009 I get a page load error for that link.. OK, now I see the problem - it's a double http//, remove one and you can get the link to work. Nice song. I like the harmonies -- so tight! I think the slide guitar bits could stand to be a little louder. Now you could take this song and rock it up a bit, with drums and all, to get a real crowd pleaser, but this version is very dignified. I don't go for country music but this has something going for it. Nice job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Adey Posted July 15, 2009 Members Share Posted July 15, 2009 "that folded flag stands for the pride we have in our country, and the knowledge that we have, that freedom isnt allways free" Golden! What a line that is. Im not amercan and im not religious but i know what family means and thats what i felt the song boiled down to really. For a song that could be considered patriotic/nationalistic i thought there was a lot of love running through it, proper love not that stuff they spray on pop songs that 13 yr old girls listen to when they've either just got a boyfriend or just broke up with a boyfriend., i though your lyrics were beautiful, its rare i listen to the lyrics closely on a first listen of a new song, but i actually had to rewind the song just to make sure i heard what i thought i heard. I think your a very good song writer, I feel quite inspired as a matter of fact.Thank you, Adey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Etienne Rambert Posted July 16, 2009 Members Share Posted July 16, 2009 Great image, "Stars on the Mantel". That image grabbed my attention. It's just me. But the song disappointed me. There is a line in "A Nightingale Sang in Barkley Square", "The streets of town were paved with stars," I thought the song would have that kind of romantic poetry in it. There is a lot a writer can do with stars*. But here, it turned out the stars on the mantel had a more literal meaning. (*I've always been a romantic fool anyway. So don't pay me no mind.)-- Your voice & playing are excellent. The back-up vx are excellent. The lyrics are quite good. Try and shorten the length of the song. Cut a line here or there. Try to consilodate a couple of verses. The same recurring chord pattern wears on the listener. And the ending isn't as powerful as it could be if the song were shorter. Just my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members speierg Posted July 16, 2009 Members Share Posted July 16, 2009 Very nice song. Tells a great story. Vocals are very well done. I liked the ending...the 3rd star carved for the narrator is chilling. Things to improve on...the dynamics of the song are fairly flat...in other words, you start with vocals, guitar, slide guitar and you finish with the same instrumentation. Try to find ways to build the song up as you go...it'd be easy enough to bring in bass/drums at some point, you could add some variation to the guitar, add more backing vocals, bring in a fiddle, etc. Also, I agree with dbd that the slide guitar could come up a good bit to add more spice to the mix. While it did seem a little bit too long, adding more variation as you build the song may make it seem shorter. This is a really great start here. Well done! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sam McDonald Posted July 16, 2009 Members Share Posted July 16, 2009 Given the subject matter of this song, it could have turned out very differently. You have produced something that is dignified and respectful and tells it's story very well. I like the musical setting of the song and don't think I would mess with that too much, but like the earlier posts I would bring the slide guitar forward in the mix abit and I do think the introduction of additional intrumentation in a subtle way, some cello or fiddle as speierg suggests, would work very well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Boydog Posted July 17, 2009 Members Share Posted July 17, 2009 I agree the slide could be brought up, all in all, IMHO it's a great song, very powerful. good job Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Danley Posted July 17, 2009 Author Members Share Posted July 17, 2009 I would like to thank all of you for your feedback on improving this piece. This is my first post at this site, and I am very impressed with the genuine helpfulness. Dbd1963: Thanks for helping me fix the link. The harmonies you mentioned are from my new Digitech 4 Harmonizer. I have recorded many songs singing my own harmonies, but this unit rocks, and is very useful in "live"situations. Adey: Thank you! You really got the song.... Family and Love, and Pride. I appreciate your comments. Marcellis: Ahhh, the hopeless romantic! Yes, it is true, not all songs with stars are about true love, and star dappled lakes. I appreciate you comments about shortening the song as well. I think I should record at a slightly faster pace. It tends to drag, and sound more like a dirge. Speierg: Your comments have really inspired me. You are exactly correct that the song needs to build within itself during the performance. It is too "campfire" right now. I really appreciate those suggestions! Sam McDonald: Thank you for your feedback. I had a buddy at work suggest a fiddle as well. Boydog: Thank You for your comment! As I said, you have given me much to think aout. I really appreciate it, and will let you know when I have an update!!!! Thanks, Danley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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