A Fine Thing, or perhaps not?

Hi,

This is one I've been working on lately, not entirely convinced about it.

Please have a listen to this demo, any suggestions, observations or comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7826991

A Fine Thing

Wish I could write a song

To help you on your way

To walk beside you there

Even on your greyest day

With a melody as light

As a summer breeze

It could take you by the hand

And raise you off your knees

Wouldn

I think you have a serviceable draft here. Good melody.

Personally, I could do without the pauses in between the lyrics in the verse.

Also, maybe shorten it up a bit?

I think the song works as it is. With a song as spare as this, production is going to be really important. Getting a great guitar sound and then of course the vocal too, because that's all there is. And you have to nail the performance. (I could never do it!)

The song structure seems good to me musically, but I question whether the first verse really hangs with the rest of the song. It might if the song would return to the theme of songwriting by the end, and maybe make that tie in with the other themes somehow (maybe in how songs can heal and soothe us in our troubles?) But I'd consider constructing a new first verse that fits the rest of the song better.

Sam,

I am new to this site, and just getting in to listening and posting.

I really like the acoustic work and the melody line. I get a bit lost between the lyrics in the opening verse, and the remaining verses.

The verse starts out singing to someone that appears to need support, and the singer wants to give that support.

Verses after that are more towards the singer wanting support.

If it were me, I would take it one way or the other.

Either way you want to take it, it is a very memorable and touching melody, and the lyrics, each taken in their own perspective, are quite good.

The chorus "Wouldn't that be a fine thing" is GREAT.

Thanks for sharing.

Hey,

Your song was OK for me. There's a pretty good melody in there, pretty good hook with the "fine thing to see.." Maybe it was simply the rough production, but I would have liked to have heard more urgency, particularly in your voice. Work a little more. Maybe move it up a key. Cause right now you sound a bit pedestrian, especailly when you hit your lower register on things like "to remind me" in the bridge.

I vote yes -- fine thing.

Was the guitar in tune? It sounds like maybe the G string was a bit off. Every time you hit that 3rd chord of the song (Dm I think, I'm not at an instrument), it sounds like the A in the Dm chord is sharp. Is it just me?

It's a very nice song though. I found myself back in my work half way through it, humming along, and the next thing I knew it was over. I don't do that with songs that I don't like.

Thanks guys for taking the time to listen and for your comments and suggestions. I find this sorta feedback really valuable.

Didn't occur to me that the first verse didn't sit comfortably with the others, but now that you mention it - I'll have another think about that one!

Changing the key was one thing I was considering, when I played the song for my wife she commented that it didn't sound the way I would normally (didn't know if that was a good thing or bad!)

Was the guitar out of tune? It wouldn't be the first time and I'm afraid my recording/production skills are not the best. I know the sort of guitar sound and vocal I would like to achieve but I guess how close I get to that is a bit hit and miss!

Hogger - It was a Dm7 chord - I'm impressed.

Thanks again.