Comments On A Song?

Hey guys, just wondering if you wouldn't mind giving some feedback on a song my band has written. I play guitar for the band, but when I say the band wrote it really the singer/bassist and the other guitarist wrote it without consulting me or our drummer.

The drummer and I don't really know what to think of their song, so I was wondering if you could comment on it? If you go to our myspace, www.myspace.com/skylinedive, and listen to the song entitled 'Colder', that is the one we are looking for comments on.

For the recording of this song both guitars were played by the other guitarist and the drums are just a garage band drum machine, so the drummer and I literally had no involvement in the writing/recording of it. Any feedback including constructive criticism will be welcomed.

Thanks, Oli

Well, I really like the instrumentation and the guitar part of this song, it could really go somewhere.

However, the recording needs a little work, vocals aren't clear and you can't tell what he's singing - which is a definite problem. Because of this, I can't really tell you about the lyrics, but it sound nice to me, and is enjoyable to listen to already, which is a challenge with any band starting out.

I think it could be improved with a live drummer, as your drum sounds pretty good in the cover version of when you were young.

But sounding good.

The guitar riff is pretty catchy in the verses, and I really like the guitar in the chorus. The drums remind me of Chili Peppers.

The vocals need work though, I think that the singer has a pretty good voice for this type of song but they need to be recorded better. I know everyone uses too much reverb, but you might want to put a taaaaad on his voice.

Ahhh, just got to the guitar solo. This guy is good, keep him

edit: oh wait, that's you!!!! Good job mate, I really like your guitar playing.

Unfortunately the solo isn't me... both of the guitars in this song are done by the other guitarist in the band. Live we share lead/rhythm responsibilities but he plays lead in this song because he wrote it.

Of course the drummer and I are both dissapointed that there is a song on our myspace that we are not playing on, as I mentioned earlier that all the writing and recording was done by the other two band members. It kind of felt like they got carried away and forgot there were other people in their band. But our drummer is very good, and she's already updated this song in our live performance with some variations/fills which is good.

Ahhh...sorry about the misread.

Scratch what I said about who wrote it earlier... the guitarist wrote it, the singer changed one of the lyrics.

Welcome to the Songwriting Forum.

The basic mission of the forum is the discussion of the art and craft of songwriting and offering assistance with feedback and constructive criticism on new songs and other works in progress. Of course, giving thoughtful comment requires some time and energy.

Like so much in life -- what you get out of it will likely depend on what you put in...

I hope you'll share your insight with others when they're looking for critiques -- it's a great way to let people get to know you. And the more that people know you as someone who is willing to help out, the more eager they'll be to help you when you're looking for some good ol' constructive crit.

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And now on to the music...

This has a lot of energy and, though it's rough and loose, I sort of like its roughness and looseness. The singer, of course, is not exactly Placido Domingo, but he brings a punker next door credibility to the limited scope of his vocal abilities that is not without outsider charm. I don't normally make extended comments about lyrics unless they're posted (too hard to make out correctly, if at all, often enough), but, overall, this has an engaging energy and vibe.

Sounds like there's some politics behind your posting of this, here, which is, of course, kind of beyond the scope of songwriting -- but it's certainly something most bands face in various ways at various times. If you want to hold a band together, sometimes everyone has to make some concessions.

Most of the bands I've been in had a pretty free mix of personal and group compositions. It's a good idea, particularly in this era when you don't have to wait for a record deal to get your music out in public, to figure out right up front -- and make it open and clear to the whole band -- how the band and its individual members prefer to deal with writing credit issues.

It can be very difficult sorting some of this stuff out -- and reliance on the skeleton of generally accepted intellectual property law can keep the black and white of it clear (lyrics and melody are, for the most part, the primary elements which are subject to copyright; unless an element like a bass or drum part is central to the identity of the song, peripheral elements are generally not considered as part of the songwriting for copyright purposes. However, individual groups may want to approach that differently, particularly in highly collaborative outfits where musical ideas flow back and forth.) But little in the real world of music and bands and living, breathing musicians is black and white, and some adjustment to all the considerations is probably a good idea.

Right, just thought I'd post the lyrics to 'Colder'

I know you say it's not too hard so can't you stop oh please

I'm begging you, I'm begging you baby, and

Although it's never come to that but every time I know

It's killing you, It's killing you baby, and

I know you don't want to listen to me

Try to tell you, it's hard when you won't see that

I want to help you, it's never easy to be

Lost inside your mind oh baby

Let me save you baby,

I can't be helpless any more

We're getting colder, baby,

I want things how they were before

And all this time you're growing further from me it feels like

I'm losing you, I'm losing you baby, and

Remember who you used to be so different now you know

It isn't you, It isn't you baby, so

What if I, just walked away from you I,

would Be free from, all that you put me through but,

it Won't happen, you're far to precious to be

left behind abandoned baby, so

Let me save you baby,

I can't be helpless any more

We're getting colder, baby,

I want things how they were before

And

Hmm... it's a little bit... what's the word? Epistolary? (Where's Stackabones when you need all that English major education he packs?) I mean to say, I guess, that the singer's character is just sort of laying it all out for The Other as though in a letter... there's not much poetry in there, in the sense that it's straightforward, there's not much in the way of imagery or metaphor... he's kind of telling it as he sees it, laying it out.

That said, the straightforwardness seems to kind of work, here, particularly when combined with the energetic delivery. What's the old saw? If you've got sad lyrics, write happy music and vice versa? Anyhow, the lyrics read kind of tired and down but the music helps reinvigorate them, I think.

Do us a favor and, if your band ends up doing this song, why not favor us with a recording by the whole band of it at some point. Bookmark this thread so you can find it later and add the link so we can compare. I think that would be pretty interesting.

We'll get on the recording as soon as possible. We're just about to invest in Logic so we can get a really good quality recording with that.

the software does not really gaurentee a good quality recording im afraid.... you could record onto an old 4 track tape recorder with some amazing mics and pre amps and get a better recording than logic with a crummy mic...so do bare this in mind

i know decent mics can be expensive but try and get yourself a condensor of some sort, these can be pretty cheap and obviously go up and up in price

anyway - good luck

enjoying the music

x

We already have the decent mic/pre-amps, we just need to re-record it and make sure we spend more time choosing the right set-up for everything, especially the vocals.