Need help with this song!

Hey Everyone,

I was at a coffee shop one evening and overheard a young woman talking about her new relationship. She said it was "FBO" or "Facebook official" now that her or her boyfriend (can't remember which) posted it on their FB page. So I thought that would make a great song. I came up with a chorus and tried writing the rest but the verses never really set up the chorus properly. So if anyone is keen on helping me with this one I'd be more than happy to accept your assistance. I'm picturing this a a country song but I am open to other ideas. The chorus is as follows:

We're gonna be Facebook official

When the morning comes

We're gonna be Facebook official

When you update your wall

We're gonna be Facebook official

Yeah the countdown's on

We're gonna be Facebook official

When you update your wall

So there it is. Any takers?

Or there's this chorus for a alternative, pop rock song.

I don't know if we're FBO

I haven't logged on to check my wall

Since, like 2 minutes ago

Oh I don't know if we're FBO

It is difficult to write lyrics about modern specific issues.....such as technologies.....without running the risk of them becoming dated. We need to find ways to make them timeless so our songs will feel current to our kids (and grandkids) when they listen to them.

That was in response to Lee's tune.......definitely feels applicable here.

Could be a fun tune, but I still think there is a challenge when writing about current technologies as a song's main focus.

I think the alternative approach may give you more leeway as it leaves the listener/reader wondering about the phrasing.

I thought the same thing but then again, this is something that lots of people relate to these days so even if its a hit of the week, its worth the effort.

Agreed.

I'd love to hear the music for this--I can't imagine it in the Ontological style.

I'll think on it and see if any verses develop.

I think a flashback bridge about your first love and his/her pager would be in order.

That could be quite funny.

It seems a bit corny to me to directly refer to facebook. I think you could probably comment on this phenomenon without so much as mentioning facebook. This is a human phenomenon supported by technology, not the reverse.

That's hilarious. From the inspiring moment on... get this done fast 'cause I have a feeling this expression is probably already in use, though this is the first time I've heard it. But it's, you know, a natch.

Well, that wouldn't be nearly as funny or have the 'momentum of the moment.' But you're right if you're thinking that it does tie the song directly to the moment, making it what we've come to call a novelty song.

You know, I understand why us serious types are ambivalent at the least about being tied to novelty songs, but there's a long tradition of them, and some fine, classic writers have done songs that had their moment of meaning and pertinence and then just sort of faded.

It's my thinking that they're kind of like invisible ink... the kind that's visible when your write it but then disappears as it dries... (and if I wanted to extend the metaphor somewhat absurdly, I guess I'd say, and that contemporary context is like the light bulb that you have to hold the invisible ink note against to read... but that would be a simile to far... at least for this hour of the morning, pre-coffee... where was I?)

Anyhow, I say go for it. If you're the first one who gets something funny up on YouTube with the phrase in it, you might just catch a little notoriety and gain a few more folks for your serious songs.

(Of course, nothing to stop you from also writing a non-FB version addressing the social phenomena and dating in an online age and its ramifications... but... don't use the words phenomena or ramifications... That's my advice. )

don't use the words phenomena or ramifications... That's my advice. )

The ramifications are explicit

My vocabulary is exquisite

But when faced with status updates

LOLs and ROFLs are the only words

to which I can commit

Nah, I almost had it and then it slipped away.

Great idea for a tune by the way. I did a bit of a weird techno tune called Bassf*ck a while back but the lyrics are probably a bit rude - you've got some commercial potential here!

So this is what I came up with. Not done yet though.

There

I posted a rough draft of the song on Youtube.

[YOUTUBE][/YOUTUBE]

OK, I like your delivery on the verses but the chorus sounds a little too country. Tweak that melody or just completely go for it in that genre.

The song gave me good chills and a smile on my face otherwise.

OK, I like your delivery on the verses but the chorus sounds a little too country. Tweak that melody or just completely go for it in that genre. The song gave me good chills and a smile on my face otherwise.

Thanks for the advice. I see what you mean. It turned out to be some kind of punk/country cross breed. I wish my hands felt better to play the git but after that recording my fingers started hurting again. It's extremely frustrating and quite depressing actually. I just don't know if they will ever get back to normal. But I'm glad my pain brought you a smile. It makes it worthwhile.

Cheers,

Deric

I had a similar problem, and while it hasn't gone away, it's gotten a LOT better. What worked or me is more or less re-learning my relationship with the guitar. I used to tense up all the way to the shoulder, which tightens up the nerves and wears them out where they pass over bone (the carpal and ulnar tunnel). From that video, it looks like you're pretty tense. Pick up the guitar, just do some idle strumming, and really think about your shoulder, your bicep, your forearm, your wrist, and each little finger. Worked for me. The healing takes a while, as does the re-learning, but, of course, it's worth it.

As to this song, I'm a stickler for perfect rhyme. Aside from that, the story is pretty good and the chorus is strong. I think some of the details in the first section are a little mean-spirited--you're obviously targeting a specific demographic. I'm a big fan of cruelty, but it's hard to pull off novelty and social commentary in the same space.

I had a similar problem, and while it hasn't gone away, it's gotten a LOT better. What worked or me is more or less re-learning my relationship with the guitar. I used to tense up all the way to the shoulder, which tightens up the nerves and wears them out where they pass over bone (the carpal and ulnar tunnel). From that video, it looks like you're pretty tense. Pick up the guitar, just do some idle strumming, and really think about your shoulder, your bicep, your forearm, your wrist, and each little finger. Worked for me. The healing takes a while, as does the re-learning, but, of course, it's worth it. As to this song, I'm a stickler for perfect rhyme. Aside from that, the story is pretty good and the chorus is strong. I think some of the details in the first section are a little mean-spirited--you're obviously targeting a specific demographic. I'm a big fan of cruelty, but it's hard to pull off novelty and social commentary in the same space.

Thanks for the advice on all counts. In regards to the rhyming I did notice after I recorded the song that I tried to rhyme "out" with "lot". I must have thought visually it looked good but phonetically it stinks so I went back and reworked the latter half of that stanza. What part did you think was mean spirited? I didn't intend it to be mean spirited, just descriptive. Anyways if you had a version that you worked up I'd also like to see what you came up with.

Cheers,

Deric

I never got around to finishing one, but what I was working on wasn't as good as yours, anyway. I'm not judging you personally re: mean-spiritedness, but the description at the beginning has echoes of "Valley Girl" in it--it's pretty clear you (the author) loathes the subject, so there's some cognitive dissonance when you (the narrator) falls in love with her. Does that make sense?

I can see where you might think that. But all those things that "Jill" has or wears I really don't have an issue with (Except perhaps the "Jamba Juice part). I think it's the whole idea of how impersonal relationships are becoming with all these new technological devices which were designed primarily to keep in touch. Ironically I think people have grown further apart especially with the advent of texting. So in that sense I think the cognitive dissonance is applicable. I (the author) have seen the evidence of how modern technology has dehumanized relationships and yet I justify the use of such technology to communicate my anger and hurt to someone I'm supposedly close to.

Cheers ,

Deric

That's excellent. The chorus is a little bit country but the verse is a little bit rock and roll, so that's ok by me.

Actually I thought of you since it kinda had that Punkish style to it. If you feel like giving it a go be my guest. I'd love to hear your interpretation of it. Here's the edited version:

Facebook Official

There