Members stickboymusic Posted January 12, 2010 Members Share Posted January 12, 2010 Hello again Just got this all written - have recorded a live demo to give you a feel for it - now im not sure if i should make it like a big song for the final recording.... im hearing strings and all sorts but maybe im getting carried away.... it doesnt contain a bridge or even a chorus or anything just a rather sad story - let me know which way you hear it going after listening if you don't mind? http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=977998&songID=8608033 heres a first mix with lots of instruments - may have gone a little far eeeeek!! http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=977998&content=songinfo&songID=8642739 Lost inside a lullaby Broken hearts dancing in the starsYou blew a hundred kisses but they never got that farAnd all those little things you said you never used to sayThey got lost amongst the leaves and dragged along the highway Pretty face always out of placeYou're lonesome in a crowd for you long for that embraceBut your knight in shining armour he was killed along the wayI heard they buried him with flowers and a picture of your face How the night feels longer than the dayFor the mockingbird does sing the song that's keeping you awakeAnd every note the bird does sing reminds you of his nameIts like the ending of a song that never seems to fade Moved away out towards the bayWhere children cling to mothers and lovers cling to loversI know it seems unfair but loves a ring, you understandThat carries on forever 'til its placed upon your hand Tired eyes no longing for the prizePut the needle to the record let the music come aliveBut even Michel Polnareff he can not change your lifeHe said love me please love me and that's how you felt inside Now you're old no longer feel the coldThe winter stole the autumn and the feelings from your bonesCos even one day queens they die like stars losing their lightAnd get buried in the ground or lost inside a lullaby x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted January 12, 2010 Members Share Posted January 12, 2010 I'm really digging this. The "oh oh" parts break up the flow enough so that it feels like something changed by the time you get to the next verse. I also hear strings, as well as a very simple acoustic guitar lead. Almost like a Coldplay style lead, where it has more of a rhythm flow than a true solo. If you decide to bring percussion in, I wouldn't do anything big, just some shakers or something. I normally hear all sorts of harmonies and what not, but I don't here. Possibly on the "oh" parts, and maybe a choice line or two, but that is about it. Good stuff. I've enjoyed all yours very much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dingoist Posted January 13, 2010 Members Share Posted January 13, 2010 When I listened to it, I thought in a slightly different direction -- I already did the "live" feel of it. I would almost drop the acoustic, and do it on piano. Not a "pristine" piano sense, but more a la Tom Waits sad song on a bar piano sense. Keep the timing as it stands intact since I dig the flow of it already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted January 13, 2010 Moderators Share Posted January 13, 2010 When I listened to it, I thought in a slightly different direction -- I already did the "live" feel of it. I would almost drop the acoustic, and do it on piano. Not a "pristine" piano sense, but more a la Tom Waits sad song on a bar piano sense. Keep the timing as it stands intact since I dig the flow of it already. That was the first thing that came to my mind as well. Stickboy, if you don't play piano (I'm sure you do but I'm hoping), send me your vocal file and the bpm and I'll take a stab at it. That is if you like the idea of Bob Dylan or an Elton after a bender playing piano on your stuff. 'Cept not that good? But ok enough to sound right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kevbo599 Posted January 19, 2010 Members Share Posted January 19, 2010 I agree with keeping it sparse, either acoustic guitar or piano. You've got some talent! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stackabones Posted January 19, 2010 Members Share Posted January 19, 2010 Leave it be. This is really wonderful just the way it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members speierg Posted January 19, 2010 Members Share Posted January 19, 2010 I could hear this being done either way actually. One thought I had while listening was that there seemed to be a tension between sadness and lightness in this song. What I mean is, the song has sad lyrical content, but the music and melody have a bit of a happier, light-hearted feel. I wonder if changing up the instrumentation a bit would resolve some of that tension. Then again, maybe the tension is a good thing. I like the idea of having a piano be the main instrument. I also hear very light drums (like a brushes making circles on a snare type of thing) and perhaps a faint organ or pad or light strings in the background (a simple string arrangement might bring out a more melancholy feel behind the piano). Sparse acoustic guitar riffs could be brought in during the "oh" parts. A very laid back, simple bass line would be nice. Maybe even adding a very simple vocal harmony here and there as the song progresses. That's probably the way I would lean, but like I said earlier, I could go either way. Piano and vocals might also be the perfect fit. Maybe you could try the piano/vocal thing and then add a few other parts and see which way you like it best...if simpler is better, just get rid of the tracks you don't need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted January 19, 2010 Author Members Share Posted January 19, 2010 added a new version - not oversure about it! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dingoist Posted January 19, 2010 Members Share Posted January 19, 2010 I got an error trying to play it (error loading song file). I played the original track for the wife who voted to leave it as it was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted January 19, 2010 Author Members Share Posted January 19, 2010 should be fixed now! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members speierg Posted January 19, 2010 Members Share Posted January 19, 2010 Hmmm, the new version is nice, but not what I was imagining. I was thinking of something quieter...kind of a Norah Jones, smoky, jazzy, sultry vibe. Of the two versions posted, I think I'd slightly prefer the simpler one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stackabones Posted January 20, 2010 Members Share Posted January 20, 2010 Ugh. I can't stand the remix. Sounds like it is trying too hard. Reminds of when a naturally beautiful woman bleaches her hair and puts on too much makeup and wears uncomfortable shoes for a fund raiser or charity ball. I'd rather hear the acoustic version. Much more honest and real. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted January 20, 2010 Author Members Share Posted January 20, 2010 im with you - like i say i think i just got carried away - back to the drawing boards with this one!! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted January 20, 2010 Members Share Posted January 20, 2010 im with you - like i say i think i just got carried away - back to the drawing boards with this one!!x {censored} the drawing boards. The "demo" is perfect--clean it up if you must, but don't pile it on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stackabones Posted January 21, 2010 Members Share Posted January 21, 2010 {censored} the drawing boards. The "demo" is perfect--clean it up if you must, but don't pile it on. Yep. What's so wrong about the original that it has to be cleaned up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted January 21, 2010 Author Members Share Posted January 21, 2010 im hearing you - the original was just a live recording - one mic picking up the vox and guitar together - no click and yes it works as it is but if i was to add basic drums etc then the slight timing issues may stand out that said.....im gonna give it a go....just adding a little to the original rather than a rerecord on the whole thing (which is what i did) Thankyou x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stackabones Posted January 21, 2010 Members Share Posted January 21, 2010 If it ain't broke, don't add drums. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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