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Song written, live recording made, can't decide which way to take it


stickboymusic

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Hello again

 

Just got this all written - have recorded a live demo to give you a feel for it - now im not sure if i should make it like a big song for the final recording.... im hearing strings and all sorts but maybe im getting carried away.... it doesnt contain a bridge or even a chorus or anything just a rather sad story - let me know which way you hear it going after listening if you don't mind?

 

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=977998&songID=8608033

 

heres a first mix with lots of instruments - may have gone a little far eeeeek!!

 

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=977998&content=songinfo&songID=8642739

 

Lost inside a lullaby

 

 

Broken hearts dancing in the stars

You blew a hundred kisses but they never got that far

And all those little things you said you never used to say

They got lost amongst the leaves and dragged along the highway

 

Pretty face always out of place

You're lonesome in a crowd for you long for that embrace

But your knight in shining armour he was killed along the way

I heard they buried him with flowers and a picture of your face

 

 

How the night feels longer than the day

For the mockingbird does sing the song that's keeping you awake

And every note the bird does sing reminds you of his name

Its like the ending of a song that never seems to fade

 

Moved away out towards the bay

Where children cling to mothers and lovers cling to lovers

I know it seems unfair but loves a ring, you understand

That carries on forever 'til its placed upon your hand

 

 

Tired eyes no longing for the prize

Put the needle to the record let the music come alive

But even Michel Polnareff he can not change your life

He said love me please love me and that's how you felt inside

 

 

Now you're old no longer feel the cold

The winter stole the autumn and the feelings from your bones

Cos even one day queens they die like stars losing their light

And get buried in the ground or lost inside a lullaby

 

 

x

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I'm really digging this. The "oh oh" parts break up the flow enough so that it feels like something changed by the time you get to the next verse.

 

I also hear strings, as well as a very simple acoustic guitar lead. Almost like a Coldplay style lead, where it has more of a rhythm flow than a true solo.

 

If you decide to bring percussion in, I wouldn't do anything big, just some shakers or something.

 

I normally hear all sorts of harmonies and what not, but I don't here. Possibly on the "oh" parts, and maybe a choice line or two, but that is about it.

 

Good stuff. I've enjoyed all yours very much.

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When I listened to it, I thought in a slightly different direction -- I already did the "live" feel of it. I would almost drop the acoustic, and do it on piano. Not a "pristine" piano sense, but more a la Tom Waits sad song on a bar piano sense. Keep the timing as it stands intact since I dig the flow of it already.

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When I listened to it, I thought in a slightly different direction -- I already did the "live" feel of it. I would almost drop the acoustic, and do it on piano. Not a "pristine" piano sense, but more a la Tom Waits sad song on a bar piano sense. Keep the timing as it stands intact since I dig the flow of it already.

 

 

That was the first thing that came to my mind as well.

 

Stickboy, if you don't play piano (I'm sure you do but I'm hoping), send me your vocal file and the bpm and I'll take a stab at it. That is if you like the idea of Bob Dylan or an Elton after a bender playing piano on your stuff. 'Cept not that good?

 

But ok enough to sound right!

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I could hear this being done either way actually. One thought I had while listening was that there seemed to be a tension between sadness and lightness in this song. What I mean is, the song has sad lyrical content, but the music and melody have a bit of a happier, light-hearted feel. I wonder if changing up the instrumentation a bit would resolve some of that tension. Then again, maybe the tension is a good thing. :)

 

I like the idea of having a piano be the main instrument. I also hear very light drums (like a brushes making circles on a snare type of thing) and perhaps a faint organ or pad or light strings in the background (a simple string arrangement might bring out a more melancholy feel behind the piano). Sparse acoustic guitar riffs could be brought in during the "oh" parts. A very laid back, simple bass line would be nice. Maybe even adding a very simple vocal harmony here and there as the song progresses.

 

That's probably the way I would lean, but like I said earlier, I could go either way. Piano and vocals might also be the perfect fit. Maybe you could try the piano/vocal thing and then add a few other parts and see which way you like it best...if simpler is better, just get rid of the tracks you don't need.

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Ugh. I can't stand the remix. Sounds like it is trying too hard. Reminds of when a naturally beautiful woman bleaches her hair and puts on too much makeup and wears uncomfortable shoes for a fund raiser or charity ball.

 

I'd rather hear the acoustic version. Much more honest and real.

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im hearing you - the original was just a live recording - one mic picking up the vox and guitar together - no click and yes it works as it is but if i was to add basic drums etc then the slight timing issues may stand out

 

that said.....im gonna give it a go....just adding a little to the original rather than a rerecord on the whole thing (which is what i did)

 

Thankyou

 

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