Riding with Ghosts

So this is really my first storytelling type song. I've toyed with the idea for a while, but I guess I needed to just wait for inspiration to strike... I'll work on getting an MP3 or video up soon, but am kind of looking for critiques on lyrics before I worry too much about the music side up...

Riding with Ghosts

Been living here about sixteen years

Just west of the Rio Grande

It's where I fell in love with a beautiful girl

And asked if I could take her hand

Said she'd been married to Emmett Jones

But he took off some time ago

He made his money by killing men

Dead or alive?

She just don't know

Sweet Marylou was only twenty-two

And her boys were too young to come to town

So I left them my shotgun,

Said, "Take care of your Ma, boys,

I'll be back before the sun goes down..."

I promise you this, my sweet girl, I'll be back to see you soon...

Little did I know as I rode off alone

It'd be the last time I saw her face

Because up in the hills waited Emmett Jones

He'd come to take her life away

When shots rang out the boys went for that gun

I left right there by the door

But Emmett rode in and with a murderous cry

Shot 'em dead on the front porch

Mark my word, you son of a gun, I'll be coming for you soon...

I'm coming for you

So I set off, my heart black as coal

Your revenge was on my mind

Paw always said life would end this way

An eye taken for an eye

Now Emmett Jones, he is sure to run

But I swear I'll hunt him down

That dirty bastard won't get no rest

Until he's six feet under ground

Then we spit buckshot and blood

Drank whiskey and such

He put up one hell of a fight

But the Devil himself would have turned and run

Not one soul made it out alive

And I'm not afraid of riding with ghosts

'Cause now I'm on their side

I saddled up with my sixgun

Took off like the wind

And disappeared into the night

But I promise you this, my sweet girl, I'll be coming to see you soon...

I'm coming home

Just uploaded a rough audio track over on the Myspace page. The link is in my sig...

The lyrics are really great. I think the performance is a little too faux-impassioned for my taste. I'm thinking more like to Marty Robins' "El Paso" than Drive-by Truckers.

Thank you for the input! Normally my voice isn't quite as...ummm...gruff, but I've been sick for about a month and having my 18mo son here this weekend has meant I'm running on about 4hrs of sleep in the past 3 days.

I'll see what I can come up with once I'm feeling a bit better. I guess I just didn't want to lose the idea before I got completely well.

Im love this song man, it reminds me of cold black heart by shawn mullins....not the story just the vibe of the song

Thank you!

Cant listen right now so I'll just comment on the lyrics. They are great, especially "we spit buckshot and blood"

The story is solid. I do think some mild revision would be helpful. I think the last line, "I'm coming home," would bennifit differently. I can see it going two ways.

We are never told that she accepted the narrarators hand and that she was already married to Emmet. I kind of infered that meant they would not be able to marry, thus this wouldnt be his home. I could be mistaken but I think it would be cool for the story. It makes Emmit riding in more tragic because she wasnt even planning on leaving him.

It might then be cool to add a line that conveys this message. I know you told me no before but I think I've earned the right to call your place home. Then you could outro it with I'm coming home

The other option for "I'm coming home," is that riding with ghosts is now his home. That implies tragic restlessness, which also works really well with the story. If you wanted to go that route I would consider changing the line to "I'll be searching for home" or even "I'm still searching for a place to call home"

I hope this is helful and again, great story

I ended up dropping the "I'm coming home" line all together. It worked in my head, but once I got down to recording, I just didn't like it, so I nixed it.

I figured since no one made it out alive was already conveyed a few lines earlier, I could leave it @ "I'll be coming to see you soon..."

Also, thank you for the suggestions! I love hearing other people's take on writing and thoughts on how to get a certain point across (especially when it happens to be with parts I was getting hung up on).