New idea - feedback?

First draft. Straight through top to bottom. Haven't thought too much about it but will want to make sense out of it once I get a chance. Ideas? Feedback?

(EDIT!: 1st revision, post #31)

(EDIT!: 2nd revision, post #37)

(EDIT!: 3rd revision, post #40)

These Big Black Boots

If I were stronger

Not so afraid

I

So far so good. I think you need to start with the prechorus ("If I could make sense

Interesting!

I'm gonna march 10 miles...

Can't get The Proclaimers out of my head - I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles).

The first stanza in the 2nd verse is fantastic. So strong, in fact that the next stanza is a bit of a letdown. I can live with the first two lines, but "And life is cake when the going gets rough" just isn't strong enough.

You know me and my distaste for "like", so I'm eyeballing those concluding lines in the first verse and thinking of new ways to say it. For some reason, the ones in the chorus don't bother me that much, perhaps because I want to soften the "recruit" analogy a little.

It may just be me, but I have no idea what "Of a life

I... will... walk... fi-uve hundred my-ulls and...

Oh yeah. You think that's a deal breaker? I guess I could drop any "miles" reference and go another way... hmmm. What do we think?

Not at all. I was being cheeky... as my British friends would say. Clearly, these things don't bother me as all of my lyrics seem to be remniscent of others...

From

If I could make sense

From:

Cause all is fair

When you

? say what now ?

Or, it could just be a typo :poke:

BTW, my "interesting" was refering to your very good idea of swapping the order of sections... I'm not sure if I'll go there but I get your point.

I dont think it is a deal breaker, but it is something you should consider.

You could substitute klicks for miles. It would add another military reference plus you'd get a nice "k" sounds that could also tie into re"c"ruit later on

:idea:

thanks!

Yeah!! I like that idea of continuing on in his face as well. That's great. And steer... that's a keeper.

I'm kind of stuck on the hand grenade thing. A hand grenade is a pretty strong image.

Are you tossing your fears because they are about to explode in your hand or are you tossing them out to the world in a more aggressive manner? This distinction may become important to you as the singer. As the first lyric it will likely inhabit the rest of the song emotionally.

Also......'four by pickup truck' might flow better as 'four by four truck'.

Yes!

I like your truck fix.

I'm kind of stuck on the hand grenade thing. A hand grenade is a pretty strong image. Are you tossing your fears because they are about to explode in your hand or are you tossing them out to the world in a more aggressive manner? This distinction may become important to you as the singer. As the first lyric it will likely inhabit the rest of the song emotionally. Also......'four by pickup truck' might flow better as 'four by four truck'.

I dont know if this is over thinking it but depending on where the fears are coming it could change your relationship to the grenade.

If the fears are coming from an external source then you could "throw back the grenade"

If the fears are coming from an internal source then you could "fall on the grenade" in an attempt not to hurt anyone else, in this case pass on your fears.

Yes, because happiness is a warm gun, after all.

OK, it is. I admit it.

Or....perhaps focus those fears into a tight kernel of intense confidence that you toss out to explode amidst your adversaries. OK, it is. I admit it.

If we're going to do it, let's do it all the way right? Cheers

There are no adversaries mentioned in the song other than the narrator's own self esteem issues. "If I were stronger, If I were taller, If I were smarter," which is what had me thinking internal