New song review/help.

I am pretty happy with it, but I think it ends too quickly. I like the ending, I just thought the build should continue before we totally stop.

Please let me know your thoughts/suggestions on the song itself as well as adding more.

Thanks,

jeff

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=10895520&q=hi&newref=1

Window Pains

They say

Always make it right

And share a smile before you say goodnight

Do you hear me calling your name

Between the rocks at your window pane

You know I never meant what I said

Or the Ugly words on the note that you read

I only wish that you felt the same

And that I never brought you pain

But the curtain has closed and it certainly shows

That I

I like the song a lot. I'm not infatuated with the ending.

As a listener, I've invested myself in this guy's situation (thanks to the nice melody and lyric). But the ending provides absolutely no resolution at all. First of all, how does he know she was never home? Secondly, if you're going to keep that part of the story (which I think you should reconsider doing), he's invested a lot of energy in staying up all night, so what does he do next?

I think if you find a new ending, you've got a really nice little song.

LCK

I think the ending is the best part.

and that's why songwriting is such a subjective art. You have two contrasting opinions. In the end it is important if YOU like it. Then it's a matter of if the right person likes it.

Surely there are numerous ways that songwriting can be approached? - the subjective approach to please oneself is just one of them. This approach can be successful or unsuccessful.

Some songwriters can be objective in their approach and the royalties pour in decade after decade.

I think that songwriting can be discussed as a professional craft or simply via opinions.

In short - the wastepaper baskets of the industry overflow with material that the 'right person' liked.

But this is just my opinion.

NO!

Just kidding. Thats exactly what my buddy who is playing the guitar said!

I was hoping he was wrong.

Thanks for the help and feedback.

jeff

I'm giving it a second listen as I write.

I love the way you start the story out. Hell.....I like the whole thing. I like the risks you take with your voice.

This is a real nice song with some classic lyrics.

Just the right length.

So....third listen. Really. Something about the way you string those words together......and the delivery.

I like this song.

I like the song a lot. The melody and chord progression don't break any new ground, but I think that's fine for a mainstream bluegrass song; they give a very comforting feel. Where you do put a new twist on the bluegrass genre is the way you manage to cram so many syllables and so much information into each stanza. That's hard to do without making the song sound strained, but you do it quite nicely.

I also found the ending lyrics to be quite jarring. The line in the first verse 'but the curtain has closed' definitely gives the impression that the lady is home and is ignoring the protagonist's overtures. That was the mental picture that I was building through the whole song. To later say that the lady was never home just doesn't work, IMHO.

It's a great song, though. I'd love to hear it fleshed out with a few quiet banjo and fiddle fills.

Thank you for listening Lenny as well as the compliments. It means a lot.

Monkey, the plan has been to put some banjo to it. I don't know any fiddle players though. Thanks for the feedback.

jeff

Hi, i listen your song, it haven't need to modification this is its real ending ..nice work

That last verse is creepy. If that's what you're going for, then good job if not then it wouldn't be as creepy if you put that verse first

Great tune - don't overthink the ending or you may never feel it's finished.

Definitely wasn't going for "creepy". Not sure I get that. :confused:The guy is feeling desparate but not up to stalking.

Thanks ido.

jeff

I wasn't listening too closely to the lyrics, but the melody and music were captivating and the ending felt solid to me.

I thought it was funny how you slowed back down on "lose track of time". I'm not sure if that was your typical timing issues with a live track or you intended for the song to change tempo, but it worked nonetheless.

I love it. I dig the ending as well. It's like a long lost Don McLean track. Very cool. Some of your lyrics really smack me just right. These bits feel like the chorus:

And I

Lose track of time

Thinking of all of the reasons you

Maybe edit out the cryin' etc. Leave the verses but work some repetition into a chorus. As much as I love the opening lines, I think it doesn't set up the tune for the listener. And the title,I usually don't go for title not present in the tune but yours is so good. I love it. So, maybe something like:

Window Pains

INTRO

I

Lose track of time

Thinking of all of the reasons you

Thanks so much for the input Lee. Definitely going to take another look at this.

jeff

Yes and yes. Quite often have tempo issues but this one was intentional.

Thanks for the feedback.

jeff

That's the way I read it. If the person in standing by the window was actually trying to get the person insides attention, it wouldn't look like they were a stalker, but as it stands now, not only is the person a stalker, they are a bad stalker, because the object of there desire wasn't even there.

Great song Jeff........but I gotta have some more cowbell.

Love the singing!