Members bee3 Posted July 30, 2011 Members Share Posted July 30, 2011 I never post anything this rough... just an idea that I've come up with while I'm on the road with no access to anything but the guitar I brought and my iPhone. Should I take this further? [video=youtube;vssM0mqF3jU] To My Love Here in some foreign townMy situation has got me downI do what I can to pass the time I don Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members notlimah Posted July 30, 2011 Members Share Posted July 30, 2011 I like the song. I would definately keep going. The video effect is so cool. It has an old film look to it. If you finish the song, I would definately keep the vibe of the video. jeff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted July 30, 2011 Members Share Posted July 30, 2011 I never post anything this rough... just an idea that I've come up with while I'm on the road with no access to anything but the guitar I brought and my iPhone.Should I take this further? Sure. It has a lot of potential. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted July 30, 2011 Members Share Posted July 30, 2011 You have a knack for lifting things into another realm with your layering, but this one left me feeling "meh." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted July 30, 2011 Members Share Posted July 30, 2011 You have a knack for lifting things into another realm with your layering, but this one left me feeling "meh." Surely this is what it is though - just a voice and a guitar and a camera, music in its simplest form If its the layering that you really enjoy then i guess take it for what it is and wait till he gets chance to work on them layers Saying that, yes it does sound a little simple but i can already imagine the nice organ parts bringing it to life - so stick with it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted July 30, 2011 Members Share Posted July 30, 2011 Surely this is what it is though - just a voice and a guitar and a camera, music in its simplest formIf its the layering that you really enjoy then i guess take it for what it is and wait till he gets chance to work on them layersSaying that, yes it does sound a little simple but i can already imagine the nice organ parts bringing it to life - so stick with it! I'm not saying the production gave me that impression, I'm saying the song did. The production comment was really more about how sometimes solo performances like that don't paint the entire picture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 30, 2011 Author Members Share Posted July 30, 2011 Yeah... it's a bit flat now. I'll work on it when I get home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LeonardScaper Posted July 30, 2011 Members Share Posted July 30, 2011 Hell yeah! Something simple yet poignant like this is an excellent seed for a classic song about the loneliness of travel and the longing for the return. I think I recognize those motel curtains........ I'll be looking for this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 30, 2011 Author Members Share Posted July 30, 2011 Hell yeah! Something simple yet poignant like this is an excellent seed for a classic song about the loneliness of travel and the longing for the return. I think I recognize those motel curtains........ I'll be looking for this one. You toured in India? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LeonardScaper Posted July 30, 2011 Members Share Posted July 30, 2011 No, but I have sat in many a motel room with nothing but a guitar to keep me company. Some things are universal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 31, 2011 Moderators Share Posted July 31, 2011 I think you have a cool idea for a hook, the melody and chords, plus the chord changes and tune in the rest are groovy as well. However, I think you'd do well to try and get something else into the lyric that says more than just, I'm on the roadI'm lonelyI miss you guys It's not enough. If you say just this, then I think you need to say it in a new way. Here in some foreign townMy situation has got me downIt all sounds like Greek and Chinese to me Know what I mean? Lost in Translation. the road and its warriors is... well... I do like what you have but think you need an angle. A twist. A metaphor. A slightly more bent theme. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 31, 2011 Author Members Share Posted July 31, 2011 I think you have a cool idea for a hook, the melody and chords, plus the chord changes and tune in the rest are groovy as well. However, I think you'd do well to try and get something else into the lyric that says more than just, I'm on the roadI'm lonelyI miss you guysIt's not enough. If you say just this, then I think you need to say it in a new way. Here in some foreign townMy situation has got me downIt all sounds like Greek and Chinese to meKnow what I mean? Lost in Translation. the road and its warriors is... well... I do like what you have but think you need an angle. A twist. A metaphor. A slightly more bent theme. Yes, absolutely agree Lee. I'll work on lyrics... maybe something like: Here in some foreign townMy situation has got me downBeggars with children follow me around I don't even feel like myselfI feel like I am someone elseWho am I to turn them down? I'm so tired of hanging around and my Situation has got me downI miss my real life in my home townAnd I just can't wait to get back home to my love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 31, 2011 Moderators Share Posted July 31, 2011 Yeah, that ^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted July 31, 2011 Members Share Posted July 31, 2011 bee3 - You are in a unique situation being in India, and experiencing similar sentiments to Paul Simon when he immortalised them in 'Homeward Bound'.Now that's a hard act to follow. I know India and how the beggars use little children as you have described.But could the song be fleshed out some more with some of the unique sights and sounds and smells that you are experiencing as well as the sentiments. 'Each town looks the same to meThe movies and the factoriesAnd every strangers face I see Reminds me that I long to be.......' I'm empathising with the emotion you have started, but am hearing and feeling the opportunity for the whole story being told in 2011 from India. Anyway - just my thoughts on broadening the song in your current circumstances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 31, 2011 Moderators Share Posted July 31, 2011 bee3 - You are in a unique situation being in India, and experiencing similar sentiments to Paul Simon when he immortalised them in 'Homeward Bound'.Now that's a hard act to follow.I know India and how the beggars use little children as you have described.But could the song be fleshed out some more with some of the unique sights and sounds and smells that you are experiencing as well as the sentiments.'Each town looks the same to meThe movies and the factoriesAnd every strangers face I see Reminds me that I long to be.......'I'm empathising with the emotion you have started, but am hearing and feeling the opportunity for the whole story being told in 2011 from India.Anyway - just my thoughts on broadening the song in your current circumstances. That a great idea. More India references, even if obtuse and indirect, is a good idea. Ganesh, the god of wisdomEven he couldn't have knownThe empty echo of this distance Between where I stand and home On a side note: Bee... I think it's a great idea posting stuff at this point in development. Work it up too soon and you're locked in to a lesser creation. But getting input at this point allows you to really tweak the thing itself. Once you've got the actual song in shape, then work it up. A lesser song with a great arrangement will never be quite the same as a great song with a lesser arrangement. But add a great arrangement on that great song? Killer. So, good on you posting the initial spark of your idea first. That's my MO anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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