Stand up - WIP

Some of you may have an inkling of memory about this one as I passed it through when the idea first came.

http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/artist/song_details/10018646

Does it work? There isn't much of a story, but I think the imagery is clear enough to get the point across. Is it OK that the first and second verses are essentially rewrites of the same thing? Or that the interlude is the only time that the progression changes?

Some additional thoughts

* The verses are actually going to be piano based, I found some chord variations that sound boss.

* Of course this is going to have some heavy distorted guitars crunching along.

* I'm going to play into the verse and chorus guitar progression being the same by layering the crap out of that final chorus. The verse vox will return, the chorus vox will transition to background with another lead vocal on top. Tons of guitar leadwork.

* Thinking about fading out unless anyone can think of a cool twist for an ending.

Lay it on me. Is this one worth doing? If so, anything need tweaking?

This is a good example of what the production will look like.

[video=youtube;Im66_xLTZGM]

I like that it tells the story in simple straight forward terms. It's about Standing UP! I like that. But... I'd love if the chorus went to the major progression. What key are you in? Let's say it's A? If the chorus broke from the cycle of that progression and did

A

F#m

D

Somethink like that there. It might do two things. Offer relief and contrast from the cool progression of the verses, and... to color the harmony in an uplifting way. The clouds part, we hit a major tonality, and she's freaking standing up hallelujah!

Or you could rock out in the same chord cycle as you are doing. It just feels a little too somber for the Stand Up portion of the message.

It actually is in major already, though it kinda hints at minor by way of using some variations.

Gadd9 - (3-X-0-2-0-X)

Bb - (X-1-3-0-3-0)

D# - (X-6-8-0-8-X)

F - (X-8-10-0-10-0)

I don't want the chorus to be too happy so I'd prefer it to stay the same only with a big rise in intensity. I will keep that idea in my back pocket if I can't seem to pull that off, though.

Glad to hear you think the lyrics work.

The song's construction is interesting to the ear. The subject matter is good, too. And I don't mind the simplicity or the repetitiveness of the lyric.

That said, I don't think the phrase "soon enough" has enough balls. It puts the character's dilemma into a kind of nebulous, future state of maybe-ness. The song's construction seems to be about encouraging someone who's being attacked or picked on to fight back, or stand up. But by repeating "soon enough..." over and over, it takes some of the oomph out of the situation.

One idea I had, was to interject a variation on that repetitive phrase:

"Soon enough, yeah soon enough, you'll be strong enough..."

Or something like that. Personally, I would either re-think the whole "soon enough" mantra or give us some indication as to why the character you're addressing has to keep taking his punishment until some nebulous future time.

Also, when you sing "stand up..." try to pronounce your p's. Your diction is good on every other word in the song, but without that clear "p" sound you take some of the punch out of that phrase.

LCK

Are you refering to the repetitive "soon"s or are you talking about the "but soon enough" phrase enders?

As for the diction, this is recorded with a camera. I did sing the "p", it just didn't catch it like a mic will. Duly noted for when I record it.

I love this. I really like chords with open strings, makes it sound so nice. Reminds me of Kip Winger's acoustic stuff.

Overlooked this. He doesn't "have to", he just will until he figures out how not to. Thus far, the song isn't a commentary about how or why he's in the predicament, just a pep talk.

Thanks. I really like it as well, but I think I like it more than this board at the moment because I hear all sorts of other stuff going on that is near impossible to pull off live.

I realize it is in major. But you use flatted 3rd and 7th chords. Your Bb and F. The rock progression. My point was, whether it's what you want to do or not, is to switch to diatonic harmony there. Straight major. Not happy, but a diatonic major feel. With all the relative minors etc that come with it. That for me would not be happy, but would make a subtle shift to strength. G Em Bm D. Those chords aren't happy.

But don't get me wrong, I'm not ramrodding my idea, only clarifying it. Of course, you gotta follow your ears.

I'll see how it sounds when I get a guitar in my hands. And quit jamming me!

Am I jamming you again! I was trying to ramrod! (that doesn't sound right.)

The fact that the singer is telling this guy that he'll stand up for himself "soon enough" bugs me. And the reason it bugs me is because if this song is a pep talk, it's not doing a very good job of it. And if it's not a pep talk, what is it? And why should I listen to this story?

To me this is a weakness in the lyric.

LCK

I guess I'm not quite getting why a pep talk needs to be over the top enthusiastic. If this were a football game or something where you need to get guys amped up to run into a wall for the next couple hours you'd need something more exciting and definitive. But in the real world you'll often use nebulous terms when helping someone get past something. Hell, I probably don't go more than a week without saying "in due time" or "before you know it" when helping my daughter get over something that bugs her at the moment.

Now, all that said, I do understand where you are coming from. I'll see if I can replace "soon" with something more immediate sounding like "now".

Would you guys mind addressing me as "Ramrod" from here on out? Seriously.

Well, your point is a good one but... soon enough. That's refering to the "I've had it up to here finally... mentality. It's what I liked about it. Not really a pep talk as much as a, "dude-once-you-get-fed-up-with-this-crap-you're-going-to-KICK-ASS" talk.

I don't know, Lee. Instead of people confusing us, they might start confusing you and Ram.

Still, I like it.

Hang in there, Ramrod.

LCK

Maybe just 'rod? Note the '

I haven't seen this much zaniness from a single forumite since the days of RockinRobby.

That was my thought as well.

I think I'm finally coming down off the French Roast... time to go home.

That is exactly what I was going for, though worded better than my explanation. I'm still willing to ammend it if someone has some great ideas.

Hey Ramrod, I spent about 30 minutes trying to twist the chorus into a major progression and I couldn't do it. Compared to verses it sounds too much like a sitcom theme song every way I tried it.

Oh, btw, I'll always remember this thread as the one where a member lost his sanity. Now I finally feel like a contributor to this board.

It happens... Better me having fun here then completely going off the rails in 3D.

I love your song.

It happens... Better me having fun here then completely going off the rails in 3D.

Damn skippy.