Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 21, 2011 Moderators Share Posted September 21, 2011 Updated again: V1They built a tower, brick made with fireThey built into the stratosphereLevel by level, higher and higher A ladder to the heavens, took them 47 years Then one day a couple, set out to touch the hand of GodA young man and his greedy wifeEager feet on stairs of sodThey climbed into the night The man complained, girl aren't you tired?She kept climbing tier by tierCause God can grant her all the gold she desires (then she hears...)If you're looking for me, I'm down here C1I'm down hereIn the mud of the river bedI'm down hereIn the rushes and the brambleI'm down here, bathing in waters clean and clearIf you're looking for meI'm down here V2Life north of the Hollywood FreewayAnd when they bail the Silverlake ReservoirThe Sky Bar's a straight... downhill shot,Up Sunset Boulevard Scratching and biting their wayUp the rungs of their own success story A couple a' wannabe birds of preyAnd underfoot's just personal inventory Up the Mondrian Hotel elevatorRooftop cocktails in the heavens above lit up LADrunk with desire, he signals the waiterShe leans over the rail, and hears somebody say... C2I'm down hereFishing the concrete riversI'm down hereWith the boozers and the bumsI'm down here, in Mitzi's sipping a cold draft beerIf you're looking for me, babeI'm down here If you're looking for me...? I'm down here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted September 21, 2011 Members Share Posted September 21, 2011 V1They built a tower, brick made with fireThey built into the stratosphereLevel by level, higher and higher A ladder to the heavens, it took them 47 yearsThey set out to touch the hand of GodA young man and his greedy wifeEager feet on stairs of sodThey climbed on into the nightThe man complained, girl aren't you tired?But she kept climbing tier to tierGod could grant her all the gold she desired (then they heard him)If you're looking for me, I'm down hereC1I'm down hereIn the mud of the river bedI'm down hereIn the rushes and the brambleI'm down here, bathing in waters clean and clearIf you're looking for meI'm down hereV2(this)She wants to write her novelHe wants a Benz CL65But she won't beg or grovelAnd he's never felt more alive(or this)Scratching and biting their way Through the rungs of LA lifeMaking an epic squeeze playPartners in crime, man and wifeLife north of the Hollywood FreewayAt Silverlake ReservoirThe Sky Bar's a straight downhill shot, Up Sunset BoulevardUp the Mondrian Hotel liftTo the heaven's of LARooftop view gets short shriftWhen they hear somebody say...C2I'm down hereFishing the concrete LA RiverI'm down hereWith the boozers and the bumsI'm down here, in Mitzi's drinking a cold draft beerIf you're looking for meI'm down here It's coming along nicely. It might even be finished, but I won't know that until I hear the tune. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted September 21, 2011 Members Share Posted September 21, 2011 V2 She wants to write her novelHe wants a Benz CL65But she won't beg or grovelThey've never felt more alive Scratching and biting their way Up the rungs of LA life [i'd loose the first LA here. Maybe there is a better word to describe the life style they're going after?]Making an epic squeeze play Partners in crime, man and wife [i get where the last couplet came from, but I think the tune would be better served to say what they are looking for. Ex in V1 they were looking to touch the hand of God. I'd use this couplet to spell out what they hope to find at the top of this ladder they are climbing and what is actually in Mitzi's drinking a cold draft beer] Up the Mondrian Hotel lift [This might be a regional thing, but do people say lift in L.A.?]To the heaven's of LARooftop view gets short shrift [i had to look up shrift]When they hear somebody say... C2I'm down hereFishing the concrete LA RiverI'm down hereWith the boozers and the bumsI'm down here, in Mitzi's drinking a cold draft beerIf you're looking for meI'm down here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 21, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted September 21, 2011 When they hear somebody say... C2 I'm down here Fishing the concrete LA River I'm down here With the boozers and the bums I'm down here, in Mitzi's drinking a cold draft beer If you're looking for me I'm down here So I'm thinking about ditching the Benz and novel verse and just starting V2 with: Scratching and biting their way [i'd loose the first LA here. Maybe there is a better word to describe the life style they're going after?] Great idea. Working on it. [This might be a regional thing, but do people say lift in L.A.?] Damn you Rhino! no, they don't.But elevator wasn't providing any good tangent rhymes. You're right. Working on it. [i had to look up shrift] I'm not crazy about that either. And it will be a bitch to sing. Change... working on it. All in all, very good input there, Mr. Rhino. May you forever escape the perils of the Rhino Horn Underground. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 21, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted September 21, 2011 Scratching and biting their wayUp the rungs of a plushy life Making an epic squeeze playTo find their god, both man and wife Life north of the Hollywood FreewayWanna bail the Silverlake ReservoirThe Sky Bar's a straight downhill shot,Up Sunset Boulevard Up the Mondrian Hotel elevatorThey take in the heavens above lit up LADrunk with desire, he signals the waiterShe leans over the railing, and hears somebody say... I'm down hereFishing the concrete riversI'm down hereWith the boozers and the bumsI'm down here, in Mitzi's sipping a cold draft beerIf you're looking for me, babeI'm down here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 22, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted September 22, 2011 Copied to OP: V1They built a tower, brick made with fireThey built into the stratosphereLevel by level, higher and higher A ladder to the heavens, it took them 47 years Then one day a couple, set out to touch the hand of GodA young man and his greedy wifeEager feet on stairs of sodThey climbed into the night The man complained, girl aren't you tired?But she kept climbing tier by tierGod could grant her all the gold she desired (then she heard him)If you're looking for me, I'm down here C1I'm down hereIn the mud of the river bedI'm down hereIn the rushes and the brambleI'm down here, bathing in waters clean and clearIf you're looking for meI'm down here V2Scratching and biting their wayUp the rungs of a plushy life Making an epic squeeze playTo find their god, both man and wife Life north of the Hollywood FreewayWhen they wanna bail the Silverlake ReservoirThe Sky Bar's a straight downhill shot,Up Sunset Boulevard Up the Mondrian Hotel elevatorRooftop cocktails in the heavens above lit up LADrunk with desire, he signals the waiterShe leans over the rail, and hears somebody say... C2I'm down hereFishing the concrete riversI'm down hereWith the boozers and the bumsI'm down here, in Mitzi's sipping a cold draft beerIf you're looking for me, babeI'm down here If you're looking for me...? I'm down here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 22, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted September 22, 2011 What do you like better: 1.Scratching and biting their wayUp the rungs of a plushy life Making an epic squeeze playTo find their god, both man and wife or 2.Scratching and biting their wayUp the rungs of their own success story Making an epic squeeze playAnd Lotus Land, their personal quarry Lotus Land or City of Angels or Lotusville or The Southland Or: And underneath, their personal quarryAnd down below, their personal quarryAnd under foot, their personal quarry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted September 22, 2011 Members Share Posted September 22, 2011 Scratching and biting their wayUp the rungs of a plushy life Making an epic squeeze playTo find their god, both man and wifeLife north of the Hollywood FreewayWanna bail the Silverlake ReservoirThe Sky Bar's a straight downhill shot,Up Sunset BoulevardUp the Mondrian Hotel elevatorThey take in the heavens above lit up LADrunk with desire, he signals the waiterShe leans over the railing, and hears somebody say...I'm down hereFishing the concrete riversI'm down hereWith the boozers and the bumsI'm down here, in Mitzi's sipping a cold draft beerIf you're looking for me, babeI'm down here This is coming along really nicely I really like the "elevator... drunk with desire, he signals the waiter." That makes for a great rhyme and great line given the context of the song. The only line I'm not 100% sold on is "Making an epic squeeze play." I'm not sure why. One more idea to toy with is instead of looking for their god, maybe they see themselves as gods Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 22, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted September 22, 2011 This is coming along really nicely I really like the "elevator... drunk with desire, he signals the waiter." That makes for a great rhyme and great line given the context of the song.The only line I'm not 100% sold on is "Making an epic squeeze play." I'm not sure why.One more idea to toy with is instead of looking for their god, maybe they see themselves as gods I'm thinking of changing the "looking for their god" verse to: Scratching and biting their wayUp the rungs of their own success story Making an epic squeeze playAnd Lotus Land, their personal quarry And the reason epic squeeze play doesn't quite sit is... I guess, because it's not really a squeeze play. That refers to a specific type of power move based on the baseball play, sacrifice bunt, runner on 3rd. And really, that's too much speculative detail for these guys. It doesn't really ring true. I liked the sound of it until you brought it up. You're right, thanks. It does sound like young, greedy LA speak. But it's roots are thin... good call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 22, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted September 22, 2011 To ditch: Making an epic squeeze play Scratching and biting their wayUp the rungs of their own success story A couple a' wannabe birds of preyAnd Lotus Land, their personal quarry Or Scratching and biting their wayUp the rungs of their own success story A couple a' wannabe birds of preyAnd underfoot's just personal inventory Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 22, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted September 22, 2011 OK... Updated again: V1They built a tower, brick made with fireThey built into the stratosphereLevel by level, higher and higher A ladder to the heavens, took them 47 years Then one day a couple, set out to touch the hand of GodA young man and his greedy wifeEager feet on stairs of sodThey climbed into the night The man complained, girl aren't you tired?She kept climbing tier by tierCause God can grant her all the gold she desires (then she hears 'im)If you're looking for me, I'm down here C1I'm down hereIn the mud of the river bedI'm down hereIn the rushes and the brambleI'm down here, bathing in waters clean and clearIf you're looking for meI'm down here V2Life north of the Hollywood FreewayAnd when they bail the Silverlake ReservoirThe Sky Bar's a straight... downhill shot,Up Sunset Boulevard Scratching and biting their wayUp the rungs of their own success story A couple a' wannabe birds of preyAnd underfoot's just personal inventory Up the Mondrian Hotel elevatorRooftop cocktails in the heavens above lit up LADrunk with desire, he signals the waiterShe leans over the rail, and hears somebody say... C2I'm down hereFishing the concrete riversI'm down hereWith the boozers and the bumsI'm down here, in Mitzi's sipping a cold draft beerIf you're looking for me, babeI'm down here If you're looking for me...? I'm down here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted September 22, 2011 Members Share Posted September 22, 2011 OK...Updated again:V1They built a tower, brick made with fireThey built into the stratosphereLevel by level, higher and higher A ladder to the heavens, took them 47 yearsThen one day a couple, set out to touch the hand of GodA young man and his greedy wifeEager feet on stairs of sodThey climbed into the nightThe man complained, girl aren't you tired?She kept climbing tier by tierCause God can grant her all the gold she desires (then she hears 'im)If you're looking for me, I'm down hereC1I'm down hereIn the mud of the river bedI'm down hereIn the rushes and the brambleI'm down here, bathing in waters clean and clearIf you're looking for meI'm down hereV2Life north of the Hollywood FreewayAnd when they bail the Silverlake ReservoirThe Sky Bar's a straight... downhill shot,Up Sunset BoulevardScratching and biting their wayUp the rungs of their own success story A couple a' wannabe birds of preyAnd underfoot's just personal inventory Up the Mondrian Hotel elevatorRooftop cocktails in the heavens above lit up LADrunk with desire, he signals the waiterShe leans over the rail, and hears somebody say...C2I'm down hereFishing the concrete riversI'm down hereWith the boozers and the bumsI'm down here, in Mitzi's sipping a cold draft beerIf you're looking for me, babeI'm down here If you're looking for me...?I'm down here Cool! I think you've reached the point where you need to stop re-writing. Go track it Do you already have an idea how you want to do this one musically? If you're interested in hearing some let me know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 22, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted September 22, 2011 Cool! I think you've reached the point where you need to stop re-writing. Go track it Do you already have an idea how you want to do this one musically? If you're interested in hearing some let me know I'd love to hear ideas on tracking. My thoughts so far. A cross between The Good the Bad and the Ugly and Leonard Cohen. hoo-haa! Spring verb, tremolo guitars, slowish moody tempo, dark sonics, brushes on drums then sticks in the chorus. Low register in the voice. Loooow... What are you hearing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted September 22, 2011 Members Share Posted September 22, 2011 I'd love to hear ideas on tracking. My thoughts so far. A cross between The Good the Bad and the Ugly and Leonard Cohen. hoo-haa! Spring verb, tremolo guitars, slowish moody tempo, dark sonics, brushes on drums then sticks in the chorus. Low register in the voice. Loooow...What are you hearing? Have you ever listened to Devendra Banheart? I was thinking his kind of strum happy acoustic guitar on the chorus juxtaposition-ed (sp?) against a different feel on the verses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 22, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted September 22, 2011 Have you ever listened to Devendra Banheart? I was thinking his kind of strum happy acoustic guitar on the chorus juxtaposition-ed (sp?) against a different feel on the verses. I haven't heard of uh... I won't try to spell that till I have to. I'll look him or her up. And yeah, the juxt chorus is very possible. I've got to get a mood going. If I can work a contrast it would be great. If it pulls too mush, I won't. But yeah, very possible I'd take it there. Off to google... that person... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted September 22, 2011 Members Share Posted September 22, 2011 I haven't heard of uh... I won't try to spell that till I have to. I'll look him or her up. And yeah, the juxt chorus is very possible. I've got to get a mood going. If I can work a contrast it would be great. If it pulls too mush, I won't. But yeah, very possible I'd take it there. Off to google... that person... He has alot of really weird {censored}, but this is kind of what I was thinking of [video=youtube;PhW7FLo6peU] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted September 22, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted September 22, 2011 Yeah, his stuff is kinda too hippie for me. It's all "born with sunshine in his hair". Which is fine but... not me. I came up making fun of those guys. Reminds me of Africa Child in Get Him To the Greek. Now they're back. I do like Feel Just Like a Child. Cool groove. But I think I'm going a little closer to this below but with a lot of atmosphere and production tricks to evoke a modern spaghetti western tale sort of deal. [video=youtube;Zc_dgbCHs58] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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