February blockbuster challenge Demo Idea.

Hello

well my chosen words from page 22 were "before the rain came down"

Ive just quickly drafted a first verse and chorus.

I "could" keep it as a little short song but will probably write more verses if there is anything of worth here.

Im sure some of these lyrics can be tidied a little?

Before the rain came down.

I used to see

All the birds in the trees

Before the rain came down

How could it be

They'd sing only for me

Before the rain came down.

There's water in the strangest places

As rivers break the strongest branches

I hope your mother taught you how to fly

I know the water never gets that high.

[video=youtube;JlKXPTUXKA8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlKXPTUXKA8

Beautiful melody. I don't know where the lyrics would go, but this would be a nice vehicle for one of those story-in-a-songs.

Rick

A river would have to rise pretty high to break the branches of a tree. So I'd rethink that line.

Otherwise, it's really nice. Love the picking, love the tune, love the title.

I'd like to see a bit more of the contrast between the dry birds, chirping in the branches, etc., and what life became like after the rain came down. I think that's your lyrical hook (as heavily implied by the title). So just keep that idea as your focus and you'll do fine.

LCK

You think the branches line needs to go? I do know what you're saying but i guess it depends where the said tree is, ive certainly seen rivers burst their banks and take down trees that may be standing upon its edges.

You may be right though

I like it. A couple of small first reactions:

I used to see

All the birds in the trees (I can't shake the Supertramp/Logical Song)

Before the rain came down

(Maybe it's just me

But weren't there birds in these trees

Before the rain came down)

How could it be (Somehow it seemed)

They'd sing only for me

Before the rain came down.

-----

It's interesting how, before the rain came down, it was all good, the birds sang for you, then the water rose and there was a danger. My first thought from the title was drought. That the rain would be good for a drought. It might be cool to go somewhere in that direction for a V2 and see what the juxtaposition offers in your chorus/refrain. What the contrast of the effect of the rain might mean. A, "good for us, bad for them" motive in reverse.

Over the hill

There was a dry grinding mill

Before the rain came down

This seems a little different for you and I like its direction a lot so for. It wants some depth though, I think.

I never even considered the supatramp reference - i guess its similar but i also thinks its a pretty well used lyric (could change it)

I do like your alt on the first verse...but might just run with it as is.... unless there is a concensus for change.

Interesting idea for development..... will look at going that way

I dunno when i read the line "before the rain came down" i instantly had an image of the rain REALLY coming down.... like in a movie.... like wiping things out.... not just rain but RAIN!

I really like the premise of this tune.

I also didn't get 'I know the water never gets that high.' I mean I get it, but it just didn't seem to be as good a fit. I'd like to see more tie in between the chorus and the verses (I'm not sure if that's actually what they are, but I think you'll get what I'm saying).

The title is about rain, but the verses, at least to me, were really about the birds. I think it the chorus should lead with that and then circle back around to the storm.

I used to see

All the birds in the trees

Before the rain came down

How could it be

They'd sing only for me

Before the rain came down.

I hope their mothers taught them how to fly

I know the water's not supposed to get that high

Looking out ?????? ?????? ????? ??????

There's water in the strangest places

Maybe introduce a new element in the first chorus that you expand on in the second verse... like strong wind? Strong wind is often a precursor to the rain coming down.

There's water in the strangest places

Strong winds threaten the weakest branches

I hope your mother taught you how to fly

I know the water never gets that high.

that's good ^

Ok here is a proper rough version of where im up to

Is anything working?

I know its rough and sung badly ect but is the song just too ploddy and boring to bother finishing?

http://soundcloud.com/stickboy/beforetherainrough

I'm probably alone on this... but I don't like the arrangement. I like the SONG!!! But it isn't sad enough or emotional enough to nail that type of down treatment. I'd go the other. I'd juxtapose a light almost vaudevillian-like treatment with its somber message. Like Daydream by Loovin' Spoonful or even Winchester Cathedral.

I know that's out there. But it feels like it needs its setting to be part of its story. And now you have a bit of a funeral dirge. I'm not trying to be difficult, I just think the spark is going to come from rubbing it against something a little unexpected.

And like I said, I like the song...

Sweet. For my money, the better ending was at 3:06. Just let that piano chord ring out and fade. Done.

I put it up now for this exact reason

i think it really needs slightly more tempo and an upbeat tat-tat-tat brush and snare rhythm

no worries on the feedback - i was feeling the same

I just listened on the back porch watching a rain storm. I thought the tempo felt good. With the way the drums started I was expecting something different. I was pleasantly surprised when the guitars came in. I really like the way it fits.

I think it might be cool to change up the descending pattern right after it hits 'how to fly.'