Members stickboymusic Posted March 10, 2012 Members Share Posted March 10, 2012 I keep having little ideas After this one im going to sit down and actually finish them Anything here....just another super rough idea that needs work Time is always on my sidedont hit me with the sucker punchor tell me that its all too much to takebefore the moments gonei know it seems an age awaybut maybe youll be mine one day and we can start something newlike seasons fall into bloom how can i convince youto be the one i cling to in the night [video=youtube;EQbNsIuHGJE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQbNsIuHGJE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted March 10, 2012 Moderators Share Posted March 10, 2012 I read the lyric and... hmmm... hm... ...then I listened. And your rhyme, and the melodic rhythm, and the arc of your melody... it's freaking great. The way you stagger the end of the lines and the beginnings with rhyme in odd places. This is what I try to do. You're doing it out of the box. I really like it. Did I mention your melodic rhythm?!?!? Really cool. Lyrically, it's simple. It lacks those memorable images or phrases you deliver. It's heartfelt, so it still works. I would take what you've done and follow through, further. Looking for that unique image or phrase to nail our freaking hearts to the wall. Nice. Check out my post of The Civil Wars at the end of the FIT (note: I should clarify why I suggest you listen to The Civil Wars. Only because when I bought it this morning, it in some ways reminded me of you and your stuff, different than you of course, but some common ground in its simple, pure expression.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted March 10, 2012 Members Share Posted March 10, 2012 I keep having little ideasAfter this one im going to sit down and actually finish themAnything here....just another super rough idea that needs work Yeah, I agree with Lee. This is well worth working on. Very, very nice. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted March 11, 2012 Members Share Posted March 11, 2012 ^^^What the 2 Lees say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted March 11, 2012 Members Share Posted March 11, 2012 Agreed with the first Lee. Doesn't read very well, but it sounds great. The only thing I didn't like was the melody on the D-G with "start something new" and "fall into bloom". Everything else is so uniquely phrased that when you bust out a pop cliche move it stood out. To me, anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.