Please relax(because I still love you)

Wrote this today, yes a rough draft but it might turn out into be something better than my latest efforts

Lyrics:

Please relax take off your shoes I have set the

tone.

If I could just could succeed with this effort

We could remember all the love,

We have been through so many things all those years

When I met you you were entranced with this band

But when you eyes met mine you became interested

Silly talks, then so many long walks

We became lovers and best friends

Please relax take off your shoes I have set the

tone.

If I could just could succeed with this effort

We could remember all the love,

We have been through so many things all those years

You can ask me trust me yes you can

I'll move any obstacle

Because I love you

You can ask me trust me yes you can

I'll move any obstacle

Because I love you

You can ask me trust me yes you can

I'll move any obstacle

Because I love you

Please relax please relax Please relax

Because I love you

SC url

http://soundcloud.com/mahuska/please-relax-i-love-you

The title is 'Please Relax' and also the opening line, but there is tension in your voice and some in the music. And the tension in the music builds as the song moves on.

So I'm hearing a mismatch between the words and music.

The lyric either needs a relaxed musical backing, or you need a different lyric for this music.

Let's see what other comments come in.

I think the lyrical idea 'Please relax because I still love you' is lovely and profound. The lyrics are nice but I feel the song needs a bit more of a structure.

I'm also with oldgit - the mood doesn't quite fit the lyrics.

I really like the sound of the bass!

Yes I need to get my pipes in better condition. I really haven't wrote or sang much the past few years and it shows. There for a couple weeks all of a sudden I decided to jump back in as most all of what I shared previously

was older material. Came up with some stuff I have done the past few weeks and upon reflection see where I need to spend time and more study. I've spent the last couple years riffing out and mainly doing tone checks etc.

Thanks for the comments

As I said above I realize that I need to work more on structure and have been visiting Songwriting sites that has me really thinking how to approach things differently. I am working too linear and need to

scratch pad these ideas out, take a break and really think this stuff out. Same goes for the lyrics. I think I'll still work on this one, change some things around and sing in a more softer pleasing way.

We'll see where this one goes. Thanks for the listen

I really like the sound of the bass!

Thanks, I love this Bass. It pays to be on the lookout for good used gear. It is a 80's USA made Peavey Unity Koa neck-thru. $350.00 with HS case SD Active Bassline pups. plugged direct into a GA Pre-73 preamp straight

to my Daw's Audio interface.