The Only One I See

Hey guys, I have to admit I was a bit intimidated to even post one of my songs on to this forum simply because of the talent, experience and expertise I'd seen in all of your contributions. But, I was thrilled with the feedback I received on the song I posted (which is probably my most polished), so I wanted to share the 2nd song I've recorded with you guys. I think this one has significant room to be improved, but I also really enjoy listening to it and hopefully you all will too!

This one features an outro solo from a talented blues guitarist friend of mine, but other than that it's all my playing/writing. There's a lack of lyrics on this song, as I was still lacking confidence about my vocals, so it was more of an instrumental showcase culminating in the outro, but I'd love any feedback on how to improve this song in any form, from structure to lyrics to instrumentals. Thanks so much for taking the time to listen.

http://soundcloud.com/joseph-flay/the-only-one-i-see-feat-clay

Lyrics:

I don't understand why I came so far,

Just to pretend that I didn't want you.

I know I've got a few loose ends,

But can we tie them up tonight?

Be my angel, under cover,

Be the one for me.

You're the reason that I'm smiling,

The only one I can see.

IT's a good lyric man. I especially like:

I don't understand why I came so far,

Just to pretend that I didn't want you.

I know I've got a few loose ends,

But can we tie them up tonight?

I get a little confused at this section:

Be my angel, under cover,

Be the one for me.

You're the reason that I'm smiling,

The only one I can see.

It seems like your chorus. I don't know the song well enough to know if it has the same chords or if you change the chords there. But... it feels like it wants to have a different melody there. Higher. The tune needs to build. I really like the way the 1st verse plays out and want that ride to build into more of an experience. That's what great choruses do. Or at best in my case, good choruses. And there are plenty of techniques to use to lift that section into a worthy chorus. The lyric is cool there... the music for it should be as well.

But it could be.

As a side note, you might find benefit in posting acoustic guitar and voice demos of your tunes much, much earlier. As you reach that point where you feel you've got the skeleton of your tune, post it. You might find you get a bunch of great ideas to make it better before you go into the recording phase.

Well, with this song, I put in a pre-chorus that leads into the "Be my Angel" part (it is different chords from the verse, the verse uses some barred sus chords), it doesn't quite lift the song as much as it makes it a little heavier or what I hoped would be something anthem-like going into the chorus. Though my musical sensibilities are very pop-oriented, I tried to make this song a little different sounding, more of a hard/alt rock endeavor than a pop song. But, you're right that I think the chorus could have more lift and passion to it with a little work.

Also, I definitely will be posting raw demos up here once I get access to them. I recorded 6-8 tracks of just guitar and vocals being played simultaneously, but they're saved to my friends Cubase program so I don't have them at the moment. They're mostly 1-2 minute progressions, lyrics and melodies that aren't finished (either they need another part or I havn't finished the lyrics, etc). Sometime within the next month though I should be able to, and I think they'll benefit a great deal from feedback on this forum.