I Shoulda Been an Actor

First draft of an idea (UPDATING HERE AS I GO)

I Shoulda Been an Actor

V1

I was pissed off at the waitress

Who forgot that I said cream

I pointed at my cup of black

I needed the caffeine

I said, "When you get a chance"

A lie hidden in my smile

Sometimes you gotta charm the rank and file

C

I shoulda been an actor

I shoulda been a star

You can't have vision

If you don't know who you are

Do you know who you are?

Or who you coulda been?

I shoulda been an actor

V2*

Two deals closed by four thirty

And halfway through a third

Tell them what they wanna hear

And no, yes in not a dirty word

You look like sex in that Camaro

Venus in profile

Sometimes you gotta charm the rank and file

C

I shoulda been an actor

I shoulda been a star

You can't have vision

If you don't know who you are

Do you know who you are?

Or who you coulda been?

I shoulda been an actor

B

An actor

A gracious benevolent Hollywood benefactor

An actor

Brass star in concrete name between Cher and Max Factor

I shoulda been an actor

*original V2

Sidewalk flash from the paparazzi

I'd spend my summers on the stage

Important films are... well, important

I'd leave the blockbuster CGI to Ryan Gosling and Nick Cage

I'd adopt a kid of every color

Trying to keep a low profile

Sometimes you gotta charm the rank and file

I like the concept, but not crazy about where you take it in the last 3 verses. I'm more interested in how you "act" in your daily existence (as in the first verse) rather than some of the more banal aspects of contemporary celebrity culture. Tears of a Clown and all that.

The last is a bridge. I'll mark them. So... yeah, the first is the direction I should go in? Skip the dreaming, go specific things he does that convince him that he'd have been a good actor? The first works?

I love the read. ;) Tickeled my funny bone. But rich, just the same.

Except CGI & Ryan Gosling. What/who dat?

I would avoid using real people's names... make it timeless. Unless this is a country song.

Fun.

I'd like to see the chorus needs to end in a solid rhyme.

+1

+2

The bridge sounds like it would be fun to sing, so I wouldn't target that too heavily, but V2 could definitely use some of the V1 flair.

It looks that way but I gotta plan.

Very clever idea.

I love this approach: we're told the story through the eyes of a character who's out to lunch, so to speak.

I kind of like the verse mocking Hollywood royalty, but I also like the diner verse a little more.

Just a technical note, the stars on the Hollywood walk of fame are fixed in cement, not concrete.

LCK

OK! Seems like the general consensus is that the up close scene of V1 works as the concept. Ditch the daydream Hollywood stuff. Concetrate on how wonderful he sees himself and the way he can negotiate the bumps of life in society. Through his charm and "acting". Yeah?

First thought I had was driving on the Hollywood Freeway and being cutoff. But road rage is too far removed of an interaction. Maybe an exchange with a cop after being pulled over on the 101. Or... maybe giving a compliment to a chunky waitress in dive bar on Fairfax.

You need to channel your inner-Chapin.

[video=youtube;rgpbIPQl7CA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgpbIPQl7CA

That's my friend and former bandmate John on bass.

Dinner theater and summer stock

The Music Man and The Fantasticks

Apply my makeup and set my smile on lock

Brush off my soft shoe and sell it to the hicks

I liked the V2 also but do understand how some might feel it was incongruous with V1. My initial thought was of him mentally just taking off and dreaming once he had made the point of just how smooth he was. You know? V2 just going off into fantasy land. That was the initial thought.

With regards to concrete vs. cement... yeah, but the cement is fixed to concrete. I was referring to the sidewalk, not the means of adhesive. Is that confusing? I was going for a montage of images. Brass star, names, sidewalk (concrete). No?

Concrete has chunks of gravel, broken rocks, etc, mixed with cement and water. Sidewalks aren't usually built on top of concrete. Usually they're laid down on a layer of sand.

Concrete is used for building foundations, for dams, major highways, etc.

LCK

Usually they are. You float the concrete with a trowel to sink the gravel getting a smooth top. Cement is a binder.

Concrete is an aggregate that includes cement.

But it doesn't matter!

Re-reading, I could see this being sung by an Ari Gold, from Entourage, type. That could make for a twist in the final verse... something something but I'm happy to be pulling the strings.

Or it could be somebody who sees himself that way but really he is a stereotypical used car salesmen out in the Valley or something.

I liked the V2 also but do understand how some might feel it was incongruous with V1. My initial thought was of him mentally just taking off and dreaming once he had made the point of just how smooth he was. You know? V2 just going off into fantasy land. That was the initial thought. With regards to concrete vs. cement... yeah, but the cement is fixed to concrete. I was referring to the sidewalk, not the means of adhesive. Is that confusing? I was going for a montage of images. Brass star, names, sidewalk (concrete). No?

FWIW, I got the idea of V2, and I think it could work if the music changed. Not necessarily a major time, melodic or key change, but at least up the ante on the some general feel of V1. Make V2 more excited, enthusiastic.

I should explain that. The rhyme is actually not at the end. I forget the term but you have an internal rhyme, then a repeating word after? And it's internal because we end on the non rhyme "actor". But it has weight because the whole phrase is repeated and is the title. So as long as I make it work musically, I should be able to make that sort of interesting. I think I hope.

Or who you coulda been?

I shoulda been an actor

dingdingding!

Great idea. "Instead of selling these old used cars"

Actually, I would go with a new car salesman. Used cars have a bit of fantasy, but you never lose track of the underlying need for transportation and financial restrictions. New car salesman are largely selling a dream - it's the sales manager and the financing department that have to traffic in reality.

Just an idea for V2:

What's a pretty thing like you

A little thick but I'm not telling

Pouring drinks in a dive off Fairfax

We do what we do when we have to, no matter what we're selling

Let's talk about your dreams over my place

I'll make it worth your while

Sometimes you gotta charm the rank and file

"Thick" as in dumb, or not quite with it? If so, couldn't it also connote a fat person?

LCK

I had chunky at first. He's bedding the fatish bartender. But it all feels a stretch. I'm not sure how much of a dick this guy should be.

Maybe he's attracted to heavy set gals... legitimately. Would make him interesting.