Members rsadasiv Posted December 11, 2013 Members Share Posted December 11, 2013 Maybe this will kick start something. I've got the pockets of a shoplifterThe fingers of a thiefThe manners of a gigoloLifts your wallet while you sleep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Foose31 Posted December 11, 2013 Members Share Posted December 11, 2013 rsadasiv wrote: Maybe this will kick start something. I've got the pockets of a shoplifter The fingers of a thief The manners of a gigolo Lifts your wallet while you sleep Reading those lyrics you started got me thinking of this song by Molly Hatchet especially at the 56 second mark. by the way, I am a HUGE fan of the Danny Joe Brown lead singing years of Molly Hatchet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Marshal Posted December 11, 2013 Members Share Posted December 11, 2013 Nice start. I'd drop the pronoun and go with: Got pockets of a shoplifterFingers of a thiefThe manners of a GigoloLift your wallet while you sleep. You can let the listener wonder who you're talking about at the beginning. Maybe make it a surprise that it's autobographical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted December 11, 2013 Moderators Share Posted December 11, 2013 Very cool. Issue: the last 2 line's positioning (and with the masculine leaning word "wallet") make it appear as though you've just serviced a male client then robbed him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted December 11, 2013 Members Share Posted December 11, 2013 suggestion the mojo of a gigolo nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Foose31 Posted December 11, 2013 Members Share Posted December 11, 2013 Lee Knight wrote: Very cool. Issue: the last 2 line's positioning (and with the masculine leaning word "wallet") make it appear as though you've just serviced a male client then robbed him. Give it a country song feel to it; Got the pockets of a drifterThe fingers of a thief Tryin to make my way back to Lerado I'll lift your wallet while you sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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