Songs that stir BURIED memories....

Been divorced from my first husband for over 25 years and have buried it deep into the past. He was brutally abusive, both verbally and physically. I just viewed Keith Urban's "Stupid Boy" on Yahoo videos and it dug up the skeletons of the past. It gave me a chilling sensation about Keith Urban's music. Up till now, I have liked most of the material that I've heard by him; I'll try not to let one song affect my entire opinion of his talent.

I'm not a really huge fan of Keith Urban but I would say that your experience with that song of his probably more of a compliment to this talent than it is a criticism. The fact is that his song connected with you - unfortunately it connected with you in a painful way.

For me, I find that the only songs that dig up painful memories are songs that I was either introduced to or had heard often right around the time of the particular experience of which I'm being reminded.

True, the song DID connect with me. The memories it stirred were not of the actual abuse itself, but more so the desperation expressed by my ex when he finally realized that I was gone forever. Second chances that turn into 3rd, 4th, 5th, and beyond become a game to the abuser. As I wrote it in a song years ago...

With Rules Like That, How Can You Lose

I speak your mind because you tell me to

You build your dreams and I'm your tool

If things work out

You say you told me what to say

If they fall apart

You blame the fool

With rules like that, how can you lose?

Can't you see how much you hurt the one you use?

Someday your strength will leave

I'll go out on my own

And you can laugh out loud

When you play your game alone

I lead the way with you directing me

You call the shots and I'm your gun

If your dreamland shines

You say you told me where to go

If you lose your way

I'm the guilty one

chorus repeat

copyright 1981 Anita Rich

I had the childhood and adolescence from Hell. I'm not whinin', just layin' it out straight. My parents basically waged WWIII for 23 years.

There are PLENTY of 1970's songs that make my skin crawl. :eek:

I had the childhood and adolescence from Hell. I'm not whinin', just layin' it out straight. My parents basically waged WWIII for 23 years. There are PLENTY of 1970's songs that make my skin crawl . :eek:

So do you listen to them or do you turn the channel?

I had to be much older-- my mid-30's-- before I could countenance a whole array of 1970's tunes. Yet, by then, a curious thing happened: it was as if those songs, in a perverse way, had preserved my sanity, preserved what was sane about my adolesence... even though at the time, they seemed like so many treacly dirges to my thumbscrew existence.

For instance, for years I couldn't listen to "Diamond Girl" by Seals & Crofts. It just ticked off such a dark period in my life! What was it, circa October 1974?

Of course, now I have exorcised so many of my childhood demons, and I can recognize the song "Diamond Girl" as one of the most brilliant, intelligent and tasteful American pop records ever made. The record didn't "know" what I was going through, ha-ha. Funny how life works that way.

My outlook has been rendered all the more favorable since the advent of home digital recording and Internet Forums like this one, where I can acquire the listening skills needed to hear all those old records with a producer/engineer's ears rather than a moony, callow teenager's. Suddenly, all those 70's records are brand-new to me... heard on an iPod through my new Sennheiser HD650's? It's like a new world.

I agree, it's really funny how time changes everything. I've spent half of my adult life exorcising demons from my youth.

Diamond Girl, did you find the upbeat and fanciful nature of the song to be depressing? I never liked the song as a kid, but maybe it's because I lived life inside the shadows of my older siblings who were all attention whores. My childhood was pretty screwed up too.

There is not much like a divorce to make you feel like a shaken toy in the universes' mouth...

2 years in, and I am still rattled almost daily by memories. Being so into music, a lot of them are interconnected. There was one song by Puddle of Mudd called Blurry that really bugged me, but now, it doesn't so bad, cause my fear was losing my kids, and I did not. That songs' video put the feeling of fear in me big time..

All in all, I am not surprised to hear about being divorced 25 years and still having things recur/pop into your head...I think stuff like that is more common than most will admit.

Deanmass,

My first divorce was easy compared to the second, it was a clean break with no children involved. It was hard at the time because I was afraid of him following through with the threat to kill me if I left him, but once I broke away I never looked back. I rarely ever think about that portion of my life and most people that I have worked with for over 20 years don't even know that I was ever married prior to the marriage that my children were born to.

Once you have children, you are never ever free from that marriage... even with full custody, the ex will always be in the picture as long as your children live at home. Some people go out amicable in divorce, but others are not so lucky. My 2nd ex just told my kids that he and his current wife are finally going to have a baby... it will be interesting to see how it all works out. He and the wife have already told my kids that they will be changing {censored}ty diapers on the baby.... Nice way to kindle acceptance.

Deanmass, My first divorce was easy compared to the second, it was a clean break with no children involved. It was hard at the time because I was afraid of him following through with the threat to kill me if I left him, but once I broke away I never looked back. I rarely ever think about that portion of my life and most people that I have worked with for over 20 years don't even know that I was ever married prior to the marriage that my children were born to. Once you have children, you are never ever free from that marriage... even with full custody, the ex will always be in the picture as long as your children live at home. Some people go out amicable in divorce, but others are not so lucky. My 2nd ex just told my kids that he and his current wife are finally going to have a baby... it will be interesting to see how it all works out. He and the wife have already told my kids that they will be changing {censored}ty diapers on the baby.... Nice way to kindle acceptance.

Cheers Ani,

And how, to both the title and your last sentence above.

So yeah, how about the entire orchestral repertoire?

A neck injury brought my orchestra career to a very sudden close Jan '02. (The neck... it's better. It hasn't completely healed though. I can play a while. I found a way to strap up my favorite electric and can play it as long as I wish.) Sometimes an orchestra gig can seem so easy. Sometimes it's brutal. When it's tough, one has to be able to play all day, literally. So... that was that. I'm sure you can imagine.

Anyway, it's always cool to go to the Food Co-op and hear the Moonlight Sonata or something...but the occassional Brahms Symphony kinda gets me "right there". That kind of deal. Sousa marches? No big thing. Mahler Symphony? Probably going to need gutters under my eyes. Still have some hope I'll get back to being a part of it. Maybe part time or something. There is absolutely nothing quite like being onstage in a great hall with 110 players and being a part of such music. Miss it.

Sheds some extra light on my "Have You Ever Quit Listening" thread though doesn't it?

The bright side...for the first time in my life my own music is on the front burner. Thanks to the strapped on electric I sort of feel like I've gotten some of my "powers" back. So...not a total loss. Maybe I'll make some noise even.

And yes indeed there is some stuff from the time of my first marriage, if it was playing at the best pizza place in the world and I was STARVING, I'd leave and walk 10 miles thru a blizzard to Taco Bell.

RockViolin,

Sorry to hear about your misfortune surrounding your neck injury. It would be very difficult to have been able to live a dream and then have it stripped away by tragedy. Such an experience is akin to the likes of an accomplished painter losing his sight. I can only visualize and sympathize with your pain; I've never been there myself.

Sometimes, it is fate that brings us closer to our spirituality and opens new doors for the rediscovery of our own being. Sometimes it's the driving force that builds us into a better person than what we were before. Rather than asking WHY and allowing negativity to domineer our souls; we should ask HOW or WHEN we can overcome the obstacles set before us and seek out the positive energy that surrounds us.

I live by the rule that everything happens for a reason. It's not always easy to accept what's happening at the time, but I've always managed to struggle through and come out on top. I've never "accepted" the fate that has come my way as a permanent way of life. Most of my life, it seems, I've spent walking on the edge of a razor and it only seems natural to contest adversity rather than to concede.

You obviously have a passion for music and you WILL find a way to make it YOURS again.... It may or may not be in the same setting that you are accustomed to, but you will excel with that which comes your way. Sometimes you have to reach to make it yours, but it is still there to be found if you seek it.

Songs that stir emotions... Back in the mid-1980s, a business acquaintance got a new job. It required a lot of driving. I mixed a cassette for him of songs I thought he would like. The first side was a success. About the middle of the second side, he hit the song, "Life In Dark Water", by Al Stewart. That is the song that buried that whole cassette. His girlfriend told me about his being on a submarine during his military days, and his best friend ran off with his wife. What a major goof!

A band I recorded a few years back tracked a song the lead singer wrote. It was about his father passing away and him losing his best friend. It is the kind of song that grows on most the more they listen to it. There is always someone in the crowd who has an emotional association with that song and someone from their past. I find that amazing.

It is really amazing how music can get into a person's soul like that. It is why most of us on this forum are drawn to either making or recording it.

Never really knew a song that sitirred up any bad feelings. There was one song by Richard Marx, "Right Here, Waiting For You" that came out soon after a breakup with my then girlfriend. I was in my early-to-mid 20's at the time, just discharged from the Navy. That song was stirring up some bad feelings for awhile, as it took me a few years to get over her. I have since moved on and to me nowadays, that tune is nothing more than a cheesy pop song.

It has to be the dismal thud of the piano and guitars at the beginning... in that dark A-DORIAN mode... It sounds like somebody died and a coffin lid is being slammed shut. And of course, now, it's that very darkness which impresses, imbues the song with a haunting quality.... but criminy! at the time!

It has to be the dismal thud of the piano and guitars at the beginning... in that dark A-DORIAN mode... It sounds like somebody died and a coffin lid is being slammed shut. And of course, now, it's that very darkness which impresses, imbues the song with a haunting quality.... but criminy! at the time!

It's been years since I've heard the song, but just in reading the lyrics after a long period of time, I remembered the song to be more up tempo; hence my reason for saying upbeat.

I was more into the dark and moody tunes like Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd; more acid rock type stuff.

When I was just a kid, one of my favorite tunes was Gilbert O'Sullivan's "Alone Again, Naturally"

Hey Ani,

Many thanks! You are so very right. I've spent a fair bit of time spending time with others that have a pain situation. I know someone that lost her brothers when she was little. Many, many years later, the very word "brother" will cause her to burst into tears. I don't know if there is any getting over some things. Just putting something else in the way.

I've begun to see myself as fortunate! It could be worse without a doubt. I could have been paralyzed. It's been 5 years and I've been a lot of places with the whole thing. In pain all the time to some degree. There and back. Some music always takes me there...to the point of your thread.

At least I had some time.

Strange, I had a show couple of weeks before it happened, where I truly played my heart out. For that I am thankful. Thankyou for your kind words!

A friend of mines wife died about 14 years ago at the age of 32 and I still remember at the wake the song "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You " by Brian Adams was playing as we were saying our goodbyes. Man I still have the image of my friend in tears every time I hear that song. Music is powerful

RockViolin,

Whenever I start to beat up on myself too bad for all the things that have gone wrong in my life, I look around. I don't have to look too hard or too far to find people that have not been as fortunate in life as I.... and I've been through some serious crap in my life. More than some would care to imagine, more than some would live to endure.

However, there ARE always others that I have found that have suffered extreme situations. In comparing their situations to mine; my wounds seemed superficial. Even though some wounds will never heal entirely and they will indeed leave scars for a lifetime; I'm still here awaiting on what tomorrow has in store for me. There's always a better day ahead when you don't plan your life around having bad days. As I wrote it in a free verse poem that I have on my site...

http://www.musicbizbuzz.net/mbb/Inspirationals/scriptures.htm

"If we seek for the bad things; the bad things are certainly here to find us."

Wow, I know exactly what you mean... My oldest sister wanted all of the siblings to sing "Family Bible" at my mother's gravesite. We all stood outside on a cold and wet rainy February day beneath a tent singing the song through tears as they lowered my mom's coffin into the ground. THAT song would drive me to my knees if I were to hear it. This year marks 20 years that she's been gone and I remember it as though it were yesterday.

Driver's Seat by Snif 'n' the Tears.

Something about the relaxing flow of the song and the use of keyboards makes me want to pack up some synths and hit the road again. I don't know why. There are better songs but this one just stirs something up. Strange, it is not even a song that I ever played on stage, but it is from a time that I started playing keys in decent bands.

Robert

The Theme from Romeo and Juliet by Mancini.

I never like the movie but when I was a kid, the pictures of Olivia Hussey and that theme music worked together to give me my first crush. Then a very pretty blonde girl a grade older than me got a crush on me?!?! This was too much. Janeane Ebinger. Wow. I was in 4th grade she, 5th. Green eyes and blonde hair. We held hands skating during couples only. Wow. I was too intimidated to go over her house or "call on her". 4th grade? Too much pressure.

That song still make me think of her.

:cool:

Lee,

Just in reading your post, the very first song that came to mind was another childhood favorite of mine; I could relate to his shyness...

My Eyes Adored You by Frankie Valli

You can find the lyrics here if you don't already know them by heart ...

http://www.lyricsdomain.com/6/frankie_valli/my_eyes_adored_you.html

Your ages were switched from those in the song, but....