Sadly, my daughter tells it like it is

She used to be my little buddy. We went everywhere together, inseparable. I could do no wrong in her eyes. Then she became a teenager. Now she has a boyfriend and she was telling me that he's a guitar player in a jazz band. I told her that was great. Then she told me he was a better player than me. I used to be her hero.

Wait a few years. You'll be her hero again. Seriously.

Your teenage child speaks to you? Man, you're already miles ahead of some less fortunate friends of mine.

Don`t worry bBach, its only a matter of time before you`re daughter gets pissed at him. Even if she marries the fine fellow, one day she`ll get pissed beyond repair and she`ll stay that way towards him, she`ll think you`re thre greatest again. Just a matter of time...

She used to be my little buddy. We went everywhere together, inseparable. I could do no wrong in her eyes. Then she became a teenager. Now she has a boyfriend and she was telling me that he's a guitar player in a jazz band. I told her that was great. Then she told me he was a better player than me. I used to be her hero.

I can relate, bbach.

My little brother was born 18 years younger than I. When he was little, I could do no wrong, and everything I said and did was just an endless source of amusement, wonder, fun and education to him.

Somewhere here at the house, I have a little "school report" he wote when he was seven or so. It shows, on blue-ruled paper, a ball-point scribbled picture of an airplane taking off. it reads, in his large, uneven child's print: THE SADDEST THING I KNOW OF? IT WAS WHEN MY BROTHER LEFT FOR CALIFORNIA ON A PLANE. I ALMOST NEVER GET TO SEE HIM ANYMORE. I MISS HIM.

...uh....I know, this page is some SERIOUS "boo-hoo" fodder.... truly, I can scarcely bear to LOOK at it these days...

Now he's a 29-year-old professor at North Texas State. Smart young man with a GF and many interests. I factor pretty low, I'm afraid, in his hierarchy of interests. Perhaps that's as it's supposed to be.

Probably not as low in his hierarchy as you think.

Yeah, I relate to this stuff. My girl's 12. The beginning of adolescent separation. But I was honored the other day when she asked my advice. Her 1st participation in an organized sporting event. Volleyball Tournament. She was scared sh!tless, poor kid. She's not the athletic type. She's funny, bright, popular with her peers... but athletic? No.

As we drove to the event...

"Dad. What if I blow it and we lose because of me?" She'd definitely come to the right person for this.

I told her "Every time you think about that, force your mind to think about what's happening right now." Sort of In the Moment Living for Tweens and it worked she later told me.

Still... she's leaving home (figuratively of course.)

Well, would you want her involved with a guitar player who wasn't better? It just shows you've educated her to have proper musical judgement!

Plus it's her boyfriend. Of course she's gonna be crazy about everything he does. At least at first.

Really? How much younger is he now?

;) ...can't help but bust grammatical chops sometimes, especially of a writer as expansive and eloquent as old Ras...

Did you major in Smart Assedness, or did it just come to you naturally?

Did you major in Smart Assedness, or did it just come to you naturally?

I have an SA from FU

Answer: 18 years.

You let your daughter date a guitar player????

Super 8 = winner of the interwebs.

bbach = banned.

Yep.

My daughter (19) told my wife that she measures every guy she's ever dated by the 'dad' standard-if they doesn't posses the qualities she sees in me, and if she knows I wouldn't like them, they're history. Now if that ain't enough to make a dad proud, I don't know what is.

Of course, she would never tell me that!

Sounds good to me, BlueStrat!

Okay, guys, you MADE me do it. You MADE me go and find and scan this little school report my brother Andrew wrote when he was 7, circa 1988.

At 20 years old I packed up all my belongings, threw them in my car and drove for Denver. It was the middle of the night and I left a note behind for my family to find, explaining to them how unhappy I was with where my life was and I had to do find my own way.

I didn't even talk to them for two months, didn't check emails or anything. When i finally did I had this in my inbox:

That was 6 years ago and I'm home again. My sister is going to be 20 herself this year and she's going through the same things I went through with our family and I try my best to be there for her like she asked me to, but I know eventually she'll have to go it alone too. It's the way it's supposed to be.

You should call your little bro' more frequently, dude

I know. I write him on FACEBOOK occasionally. He's exceptionally busy, just like the song "Cat's In The Cradle" describes so well.

He's at that point where he has his full youth, his full energy, all his brains and desires and daring... and he needs to be able to move "full steam ahead" right now without pondering the emotional needs and regrets of his ageing kin back home.

If you know what I mean.

I think a) she will be glad to have you in her life again at some point.... although her appraisal may be more realistic, she will probably value you a great deal and b) family becomes more important to most people after they get past the "me" years--which includes daughters, brothers etc. Good luck amigo(s)!

This has turned into a very interesting thread and though I agree with going at something alone sometimes to find oneself, I can also say you will never be more blessed than to have a family that cares for you and loves you so go do what you got to do but don`t hurt those that love you. I don`t know... leaving in the middle of the night and leaving a little note is sort of... mean. I know how you felt when you had to figure yourself out but there are ways to do so w/o putting your loved ones in such an emotional state.

Love your family. Call them often, tell them you love them. Hold them close. Those are your riches.

too funny, my daughter has always dated guitar players...never a drummer, lead singer, keys, or bass...always a guitar player, always tall and thin, always pretty boys.

BBach, you will be your little girls hero again, I promise you. My daughter went through her Goth, Marilyn Manson/Nine Inch Nails, phase and was like some kind of Alien to me... I took her and her friends to see the above named groups...Marilyn took his pants off and exposed himself, I screamed out ,

"Put your pants back on, Pencil Dick!"

She would'nt talk to me for two weeks after...we are good buds again...At Xmas, she told me that she never lied to me even when it would have been so easy and would have saved her a lecture...sometimes the things she told me was a little bit too much info, but I never lost my cool...it's hard for you I know, but I guarantee you WILL be her hero again.

Unfortunately, there weren't any other ways to do it. I know it was hard on them but if I hadn't have done that I never would've left... it's complicated. If anything, my leaving did more to bring our family together than anything and I have no regrets.