Members TimeKeeper310 Posted December 7, 2006 Members Share Posted December 7, 2006 I have a Bull Mastiff & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my privates and a car hit me. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cheeseadiddle Posted December 7, 2006 Members Share Posted December 7, 2006 I'd have given my dog's left nut to have been there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members boose44 Posted December 7, 2006 Members Share Posted December 7, 2006 now that's pretty classic, although would it have been overkill if you had made out like you were going to sniff her butt? -bruce Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Watchdog Posted December 7, 2006 Members Share Posted December 7, 2006 Speaking of dogs, it reminds me of a call I got once. It started out as a domestic dispute over some money. Apparently this guy left a wad of hundreds laying on a coffee table and he accused his roomate of taking it, he denied it and said he saw the dog eat the $1000 wad of cash. When I got there they were stuffing large amounts of ex-lax down the dogs throat. So I stuck around to see what would happen... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members the DW Posted December 7, 2006 Members Share Posted December 7, 2006 Originally posted by TimeKeeper310 ...Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my privates and a car hit me.... ROFL!! 10 points for that one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members the DW Posted December 7, 2006 Members Share Posted December 7, 2006 Originally posted by Watchdog Speaking of dogs, it reminds me of a call I got once. It started out as a domestic dispute over some money. Apparently this guy left a wad of hundreds laying on a coffee table and he accused his roomate of taking it, he denied it and said he saw the dog eat the $1000 wad of cash. When I got there they were stuffing large amounts of ex-lax down the dogs throat. So I stuck around to see what would happen... That would give new meaning to the term 'money laundering' I would imagine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Watchdog Posted December 7, 2006 Members Share Posted December 7, 2006 Well, turns out the bills were counterfeit and the dog couldn't pass them... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WillyRay Posted December 7, 2006 Members Share Posted December 7, 2006 Originally posted by Watchdog Well, turns out the bills were counterfeit and the dog couldn't pass them... Wow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Drumming4Him Posted December 7, 2006 Members Share Posted December 7, 2006 Working at KFC and A&W (I actually quit several months ago), all me and friends heard were stupid questions or requests - stupid customers in general. "Can I get a cheeseburger no cheese." "... crispy chicken please." "We don't carry crispy chicken." "What are you talking about? I bought crispy chicken here last week." "I don't want a leg, I want a drumstick!" You guys don't know how much... stuff my friends and I dealt with over there. But we also had our share laughs and what not... and the girls I worked with... phew. Anyways, we had our little inside jokes we did primarily in the drive-thru. Here's a few incidents: *ding* me: "Welcome to KFC and A&W, how can we help you?" "Yeah, can I get a hotdog?" me: "Sure, would you like us to squirt ketchup all over your dog?" "OK" *ding* me: "Welcome to KC'AW, how can we help you?" "Yeah, I'd like a delux cheeseburger." me: "Did you need us to slather mayonnaise on your buns?" "No thanks." And better stuff that would be difficult and bothersome trying to explain on the internet. -sm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Drumming4Him Posted December 7, 2006 Members Share Posted December 7, 2006 Originally posted by WillyRay Wow. /w Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JSimms Posted December 7, 2006 Members Share Posted December 7, 2006 Originally posted by Watchdog Well, turns out the bills were counterfeit and the dog couldn't pass them... Ba dum ching Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TimeKeeper310 Posted December 7, 2006 Author Members Share Posted December 7, 2006 Originally posted by Watchdog Speaking of dogs, it reminds me of a call I got once. It started out as a domestic dispute over some money. Apparently this guy left a wad of hundreds laying on a coffee table and he accused his roomate of taking it, he denied it and said he saw the dog eat the $1000 wad of cash. When I got there they were stuffing large amounts of ex-lax down the dogs throat. So I stuck around to see what would happen... ...thoughts of cheech & chong, chasing the doggie around with a baggie:freak: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 1001gear Posted December 8, 2006 Members Share Posted December 8, 2006 Originally posted by WillyRay Wow. Waughing out woud ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sherman22 Posted December 8, 2006 Members Share Posted December 8, 2006 you should of made a hand gesture over her head, way over her head.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jacarual Posted December 11, 2006 Members Share Posted December 11, 2006 Originally posted by TimeKeeper310 I have a Bull Mastiff... OMG, YOU DO??? Those are one of my fav's, I love big doggies...hence the Great Dane and the Doberman! What does he/she look like, what it's name??? I had a boxer (Sydney) that I had to put to sleep last year at this time. She was only 3 and had cancer, I miss her so much. She was so cool - used to lick my feet non-stop!!! Last week I was playing with my doggies and my Great Dane came up behind me and went under my legs to get a ball...needless to say, I about died and literally had to stand on one leg so he wouldn't knock me down. He just turned one on December 1st - still growing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TimeKeeper310 Posted December 12, 2006 Author Members Share Posted December 12, 2006 Originally posted by jacarual Originally posted by TimeKeeper310 I have a Bull Mastiff... OMG, YOU DO??? Those are one of my fav's, I love big doggies...hence the Great Dane and the Doberman! What does he/she look like, what it's name??? I had a boxer (Sydney) that I had to put to sleep last year at this time. She was only 3 and had cancer, I miss her so much. She was so cool - used to lick my feet non-stop!!! Last week I was playing with my doggies and my Great Dane came up behind me and went under my legs to get a ball...needless to say, I about died and literally had to stand on one leg so he wouldn't knock me down. He just turned one on December 1st - still growing! hmmm...ok..15 minutes have passed....I'm still tryin' to get a visual on this.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Skr4ped Posted December 12, 2006 Members Share Posted December 12, 2006 Originally posted by jacarual OMG, YOU DO??? Those are one of my fav's, I love big doggies...hence the Great Dane and the Doberman! What does he/she look like, what it's name??? I had a boxer (Sydney) that I had to put to sleep last year at this time. She was only 3 and had cancer, I miss her so much. She was so cool - used to lick my feet non-stop!!! Last week I was playing with my doggies and my Great Dane came up behind me and went under my legs to get a ball...needless to say, I about died and literally had to stand on one leg so he wouldn't knock me down. He just turned one on December 1st - still growing! Between your legs to get a ball, you say? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TimeKeeper310 Posted December 12, 2006 Author Members Share Posted December 12, 2006 ....then..'standing on one leg'??....ummm...and still growing...hm...LOL:rolleyes: ....who says dogs are dumb!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jacarual Posted December 12, 2006 Members Share Posted December 12, 2006 Originally posted by TimeKeeper310 ....then..'standing on one leg'??....ummm...and still growing...hm...LOL:rolleyes: ....who says dogs are dumb!! He knows what's good for him! Only I don't put out to dogs...and I want to know about your doggie!!! And to Skr4ped - he ain't gonna find any balls between my legs, unless I'm gettin busy w/someone (ha, like that's gonna happen here)! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Old Steve Posted December 12, 2006 Members Share Posted December 12, 2006 Yo Timekeeper, sorry to hear about your injury. Did they ever catch the guy driving the car that hit you? I hate it when people don't watch where they're driving. Anyway, glad you're ok. Good luck with the diet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ulank Posted December 12, 2006 Members Share Posted December 12, 2006 Originally posted by TimeKeeper310 I'd been sitting in the street licking my privates Tips? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Old Steve Posted December 12, 2006 Members Share Posted December 12, 2006 Originally posted by ulank Tips? Stretch first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ulank Posted December 12, 2006 Members Share Posted December 12, 2006 Originally posted by Old Steve Stretch first. Aw man. I hate stretching. I was thinking I could dislocate my hip or something, like Mel did with his shoulder in Lethal Weapon. Just pop it out of place, throw my leg over my shoulder and bazzzing! lips on the balls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members FitchFY Posted December 12, 2006 Members Share Posted December 12, 2006 Originally posted by ulank Aw man. I hate stretching. I was thinking I could dislocate my hip or something, like Mel did with his shoulder in Lethal Weapon. Just pop it out of place, throw my leg over my shoulder and bazzzing! lips on the balls. That is hand's down the funniest thing I have ever read on this forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Wellhungarian Posted December 13, 2006 Members Share Posted December 13, 2006 Originally posted by TimeKeeper310 I have a Bull Mastiff & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my privates and a car hit me.I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door. Thanks for making me laugh. That's funny {censored}. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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