non-drummers "helping" you with your gear

I have a problem with non-drummers trying to help me with my gear. They mean well, but nobody knows how you set up your kit, stands, etc. except for you.

Is there a nice way of telling some one to {censored} off?

"{censored} off, please"

I'll help my drummer carry his {censored} into the venue but I won't set anything up, except for putting the cymbals on top the stands when they're up.

Wow, I won't let anybody touch my drumset unless they ask me personally. I'd say "Hey man, why don't you go help the guitarist out with his amp, I can get this by myself..."

And if that doesn't work, try the ever-popular "Get the {censored} away from my kit before I have to shoot you in the knee-cap."

I just tell them to move the stuff in the general area of the drumset, but I do the actual setting up myself.

The kit is my investment. They cause damage---are they going to replace the stuff on the spot? Do they know how the drums are supposed to be set up?

I'd say: "Thanks, I really appreciate the offer, but I have to set the kit up a certain way. Also, I like to keep my friends. I don't want to cause a rift if someone damages my kit. My kit is my baby...understand?"

I'll generally allow people to haul stuff in and out of the gig, but only once things are in cases. I'll take it from there. The only time I'll get help is if/when I need to set up off to the side of the stage and then bring it up (or down afterward). In those cases, I'll recruit my own helpers (other bandmates), and then I supervise with an iron fist.

Most reasonable people will back off if you tell them, "Thanks, man, but I've got it." If they continue to push after that, I have no problem telling them to take a hike. Sometimes a next-step can be, "Look pal, you need to get out of my way. I can do this much faster without you getting in my way."

Just give them boundaries; "I'll take it from here."

On a similar note, I'm about to make marks on my cymbal stands (in the manner I like them set up) with a permanent marker, so the next time I set them up again, I just make the permanent marks meet/come in contact. Know what I mean?

Yeah I've already done that marking of the stands. It helps because we have church band practice on Saturday and on Sunday, so I'll just leave it there overnight on Saturday and sometimes I'll be late on Sunday so they can just set it up for the most part, real convenient.

I'm with Steve on this one. I don't mind people helping carry to and from the car or truck, but no one handles my drums and equipment out of the cases but me. I usually just look them in the eye and say, "Thanks, I'll get that," and they usually get my drift. If not I just tell them, "Look, I've got a lot of money wrapped up in my equipment, and if anyone's gonna {censored} it up it's gonna be me!"

DaveM

I don't think there's any need to get all freaked out about it. Just say "Oh, thanks, but I can handle that. I kinda have my own system figured out."

Easy.

Usually we would have a couple of roadies that were close, trusted friends of the band, that would help us load our gear into and out of the venues. They understood how to handle the gear and not just throw it around.

Also, when we set up, if it was a situation where we were the only band playing and had plenty of time ahead of our show to set up, then I just did it all myself and took my time. However when we did shows with multiple bands playing and you would get like 10-15 minutes to set up and tear down between sets, I would pre-assemble the sections of my rack back stage, then my bandmates and our crew would carry my stuff onto the stage for me, and I would put everything into position and lock it in place. As well, after the set, they would all help getting the gear off the stage, but I would take over from there and tear it down and pack it up myself. That way I could take a mental inventory of every part as I packed it up, and have the piece of mind that nothing was overlooked and left behind.

Also, when we didn't have any available extra roadies, my wife helped me out. She is the only other person who I trust to help actually set up my gear. She knows pretty much how everything gets set up, and where all the cymbals and drums go. She's the coolest wife evar!

Two short stories:

1.) I was once helping a drummer that we'd played several gigs with take his stuff off the riser and down to the side of the stage. Totally had permission, and everyone was cool with me helping out (was asked to help, etc.). As I'm stepping down off of a 3' stage, I slip, and send two of his toms (I'm carring his floor tom with two rack toms stacked on top) go flying and bouncing across the floor. OUCH. Felt terrible about it, luckily no damage.

2.) The oddest thing I've ever helped with is a full sized harp. We had a lady in the neighborhood who played one, and she did a bunch of local wedding receptions, etc. Anyway, through the grapevine she heard that I was a drummer and I used to get hire to help her haul it around. I'd help her load it into her car, and help her unload it at the gig. She usually had somebody else help her load it back up afterward. Anyway, you want to talk about loading something fragile, awkward, and totally non-travel friendly....try a friggin' harp! Anyway, nice little source of extra spending cash back in my high school days. Luckily I never dropped that sucker, or I'd have been out a year's worth of college tuition.

Three folks in this world touch my kit

Me, Myself, And I.

Now on a serious note. On larger shows. I will use the company drum tech. Since we both work together and he is very trusted, well he does the setup and before sound check I will get on the kit and make the final adjustments. But the last couple of larger shows I did. Well he got it right. Just had to adjust the throne hight a bit. When he plays on a larger show, I will help him shlep stuff and do a rough setup. So a trusted person that I know respects the kit and the money involved in a nice kit will be allowed to help. When it comes to setup and I dont have the drum tech around.. Well its back to the core 3 people..

Mike

"Thanks, but I'm very particular in how I like my kit set up. I'll do it myself, it'll be for the best."

I cringe when I think back on the silly things I used to do to my drummer's kit. Tom angles, slack tuning, shudder! It was me, my brother and this guy for years, so we viewed everything as common equipment. He'd sit down, look perplexed, fix everything I had screwed up, and start playing. I discovered some pretty adventurous settings on my amp from time to time as well...

That's the spirit! Yup, there's a lot I learned over time in setting up my kit. The audience can't see the bottom of my cymbals anymore. And I think I am more than 90% complete in finding exactly how I want my drums set up; I can't get my second tom tom at the angle I want.