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Need critique!!!! Hard Rock Song!!!


jmorgan_2008

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First of all, this is all original music. I would appreciate any advice. Obviously this is a home demo, and nothing is perfect. What I am looking for is advice as a whole before I think about doin' this one in a studio!!! FEEDBACK NEEDED!!! THANKS!!!

 

The song is called "Night to Remember"

It should automatically play. If not, just click on it..lol, thanks guys

Here's the URL:

http://www.myspace.com/jordanmorgan67912

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First of all, this is all original music. I would appreciate any advice. Obviously this is a home demo, and nothing is perfect. There's another verse that goes in after the solo, that I haven't recorded yet. What I am looking for is advice as a whole before I think about doin' this one in a studio!!! FEEDBACK NEEDED!!! THANKS!!!


The song is called "Give It To Me"

It should automatically play. If not, just click on it..lol, thanks guys

Here's the URL:

http://www.myspace.com/jordanmorgan67912

 

 

These are just my opinions, so please take them with a grain of salt.

 

 

First, the positive:

 

You have a good strong natural sounding "hard rock" voice. Your pitch is (mostly) good, and your voice projects a good strong level of confidence, with just a little bit of rasp in places that I like. This is a great foundation for the future, and I think you can do a lot with this voice! :thu:

 

 

 

That said, here are some issues that I have with the track.

 

1) The vocal melodies, especially in the verses, fall into what I call "the stereotypical garage band" range. This is where the vocal is confined to 3 or 4 notes, mostly between with root and the flatted 3rd, with a lower flatted 7th thrown in for good measure. In the chorus, you do go up to the 5th, but unfortunately, this sort of chorus differentiation is also "expected".

 

To put it bluntly, nothing is surprising me in the melody.

 

 

2) The lyrics seem to have too many cliches. Since you are the writer, I would suggest a re-work of the lyrics, where you try to be more of a creative storyteller, instead of what sound to me like isolated lines that I feel like I have heard in a dozen other songs already.

 

Also, worthwhile investment, and something I use all the time in my writing, is both a rhyming dictionary and a thesaurus. These are invaluable tools that have helped me break out of lyrical ruts in the past.

 

 

3) Chord changes: the track seems to drive on the root chord quite a bit. This is okay, as long as the vocal melody/timing or some other aspect is up to the task of making the song more interesting. Unfortunately, the vocal melody is in such a narrow band that I feel like once I've heard a verse and a chorus, I'm pretty much done.

 

 

4) Timing: I understand this is a demo track, but the tempo seems fluctuate quite a bit, especially in the intro. Also, putting little breaks in somewhere, or doing some sort of time change in the chorus to really set it apart can do wonders to open up the track. The way is stands, the music chorus feels too much like the verse with a different vocal melody.

 

 

These are just some of my initial thoughts, and again, I want to apologize if any of this sounds harsh. I think you have a lot of potential, and I hear some elements in your song that remind me of some my own early original material from a long time ago.

 

But a couple of decades ago, a couple of musicians that I admired and respected kicked me in the ass to get me out of my own ruts. At the time, it was a little painful to have that sort of honesty, but today I look back on that sort of honest criticism as having been "instrumental" in my development as a musician and singer.

 

 

Anyway, just read into this what seems valid and useful to you, and ignore the rest. :wave:

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Hey man, don't appologize for honesty...that's the kind of criticism i'm looking for, the kind that will help me. Anything that will help, is great advice to me. I will take all this in and try to shift some things around and give it some unique character. When you mentioned this song reminded you of several others, it hit me that it need more originality. Thanks for the advice man, no offense taken at all. Back to work...lol

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thanks never the machine, I've done a lot of editing to this song, completely different chorus, and title change. The guitar is pretty much the same quality(I'm not a very good guitarist) so if I ever done this one in the studio, I would get someone else to record the rhythm & lead. I had a buddy throw in a drum track for me in the edited version. Tell me what ya think!!! Thanks guys!!!!

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I think the vocals are definitely the best part. Pretty awesome voice you have going on there.

 

Everything seems pretty good to me...although there is actually something about the drums that seem a little off...but I know absolutely nothing about drums so.....

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thanks nick, this was a home demo, so i'm sure there's alot of things that could be much better.

 

AluminumNeck, I actually realized this myself a while back, and now i'm doing the Singing Success instructed by Brett Manning, and also fooling around with the Melissa Cross's "Zen of Screaming" lessons to help with my screams. I'm seeing much needed improvements already. I don't have to shove my larynx up in my mouth now. lol, but thanks for the advice

 

Thanks guys, Jordan!!!

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First off, the screaming is hench :D

 

But singing needs work...

 

It all sounds good

 

But there's something not right about it...

 

I think you should add a "boo-hoo" to your voice

 

Also, modulate the vowel in certain areas

 

----

 

A little bit closer to meeeeeeeeeeeeee -

 

A little bit closer to maaaaaaaaaaaaay

 

----

 

IMO, when belting passionately, you need to keep an open mouth as though you were almost yelling...

 

Actually, strike the boo-hoo

 

And yeah, as has been said already, a little bit more surprise would be nice...

 

Maybe a bit of falsetto, given the genre...?

 

And do some intereseting things..

 

Maybe sing in mixed voice so you can add a bit of vibrato to your belting...?

 

Yeah... make it "mouthier"

 

And maybe add a bit of a "HWOAR" to your voice

 

At some points it feels like you're speaking to much

 

Overall, you got basic hard rock thing nailed

 

And the screaming IS awesome :D

 

----

 

TomM

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thanks LordBTY. Vocals are pretty much my main instrument. I'm trying to join a hard rock/metal band. One of the members said he would talk to the rest of the guys, so hopefully it works out.

 

I work on my technique every day. It's getting better, but still not where I want it to be. I don't understand what you mean by adding a "boo-hoo" to my voice. It may just be going right over my head, but i don't understand, lol.

 

The meeee and mayyyy makes perfect sense, and I will definitely work on that, because I've had many tell me the same thing. Thanks!!!

 

Thanks for all the advice man, every little bit helps....

 

Thanks, Jordan!!!!!

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Well I like your voice. The rest of the instrumentation will be worked out. It is a rough demo/mix so.... I think that if you keep on writing and performing, with time and experience you will discover how to make your songs and your voice connect. The words to the song are a little cliche. There are tons of I met a hot girl at a party and we got it on songs. You might want to think about changing that up a little. When you are rocking out at a party it is probably fine. But will this get noticed and be unique? It does not need to be 2112 different but I agree that there need to be some surprises, some twists something different to increase interest and keep, not just get, peoples attention. There are people who write and make music for their own liking and if that is what people like then great. Find your own inner voice and go with that. If it is about partying and girls in tight jeans well then do that to the nth degree because it does work for some. Motley Crue made a career out of it. Just my opinion. Keep on rockin and you will find your way.

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thanks man...I'm not a very good writer right now, but hopefully it will develop over time. I always wrote sappy acoustic love songs, and wanted to try something different. Thanks for the advice though. It really means a lot....I'll take all this in and see what comes out...

 

Thanks, Jordan!!

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If it is your first crack at a rocker then I would say it is a great first step. I would imagine that even the best writers (song or book) had to work on and develope their talent. If you feel like you have the framework for a good song then rework the lyrics if you want of rework the ...... or go onto the next one. You can always come back to it. Many writers tinker and change up songs. Not every song comes out in one line from point of conception to the point of putting it on tape (ha) without some changes.

 

Most people write about what they know. Think about your girls or write about some part of your or someones life that you or something in the news that strikes a cord with you or you can make something up.

 

Keep rockin!!!!

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You've gotten some really good feedback...I think it's great that you're making an attempt and know you need time and work. Good for you.

 

And remember, Rob Thomas became famous and I really don't get how, so it seems it's not a prerequisite to be all that good. I'm not trying to stir up trouble, just my perspective. You don't need to be a sweet voiced crooner to make it...(did I spell crooner correctly?)

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FenderVGStrat, thanks man, I appreciate the feedback. It means a lot. I'm going to keep working on it and hopefully get a finished product pretty soon!!!

 

jacote, I know man, the feedback has been awesome. A lot of great criticism as well. I have gotten so many great ideas from all these guys. The vocals are totally different than the original because of some criticism. I love it though, especially if it's going to better me in any way. Next song I write is def. being posted here, because of all the help I've received with this one.

 

Thanks guys, Jordan!!!

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