[Finally]Original Songs, Much Needed Criticism Wanted!

Hi there, I'm John Benussi and

with all the talent in this forum it inspired me to write, yes write!

Problem is:facepalm: (I can't write) very well...

Still, I wanted to just get down how I feel/felt so out came

these tracks...

-LonelyMe (kinda hits close to home)

-InThisHouse

-AnotherDay

The last two are just ideas, but the 1st

(which is just about done) I worked really hard on

and tried my best to keep the tempo straight, and the quantisation

as good as I could do without using the quantise feature...

Please lend me your ears and hopefully you'll enjoy some new

material I just wrote about an hour or so ago...

Thank you:)

very nice Johnny

I checked them out. LonelyMe is pretty good. Instrumental is good. Your voice adds a nice flair to it, though in some parts it's a bit strained, which I can understand. The part I especially like is that instrumental pause which the vocals starts to bring them back in. That part has a REALLY nice effect.

The other 2 "ideas" seem to be making some headway. Though the backing vocal in 'InThisHouse' seems kinda weird. lol. i dunno

But nevertheless Nice job overall

I listened to "Lonely Me" - very well written and performed. It kind of ended sooner than I expected. I think you need to continue writing as you have a definite talent for it.

Quantization is not an issue for me. I play to click tracks then I add live drums later. Makes it a lot easier to overdub when the timing is steady.

Great stuff Johnny B!

Very nice! I definitely agree that you have talent in writing. Lonely Me reminds me a little of some of Angela Aki's stuff. I too felt like it ended a little too soon.

Your lyrics are sad. If you need anyone to talk to, pm me!

Your singing sounded very good. I think in a few spots your voice seemed to waver a little off pitch. Other than that, very nice, expressive voice.

I hope to hear more of your stuff! You definitely have talent!

EXCITEMENT!!

*listening*...

Hmm...

1. In This House - your voice sounds REALLY different from how I remember it!!! No Peter Gabriel here at all. To me, the first style of song and vocal that popped into my head was that it sounds like...dammit, what's it called? Pearl Jam maybe? The lead singer, what's his name, Eddy Vedder? I hope that's his name. But not exactly his vocals on the typical thrashy Pearl Jam stuff, but rather, his vocals on this GORGEOUS song called Guaranteed. Beautiful song. If you don't know it, here it is...

Anyway, yes...this song sounds really professional...like, it's not FINISHED somehow to me, but it's very high quality-sounding, you know?

It also reminded me somewhat of Crosby, Stills & Nash towards the end, somehow.

Oh, and the harmonies (maybe that's what it was, the harmonies were C, S & N like) were good. They sounded not too similar...they sounded like they could be different people almost, which is what I personally would want to aim for when doing harmonies.

2. Another Day - nice, nice song...it grabbed me from the beginning. Peter Gabriel-esque vocals, and also maybe a little Sting, as well. I'd definitely continue with that (song) concept...

3. Lonely Me - REALLY nice beat, rhythm, chords, etc...

This voice style...it's sort of...this sounds to me to be YOUR voice...I don't hear Peter G or anyone else. Just YOU, which I LOVE.

Love this song.

You know what I picture when I hear this? I was thinking it'd be good to hear it done with a tiny bit of studio stuff on it, like a tad of reverb, but then I pictured you singing it on stage just with your piano...and the vocal I wouldn't change at all.

I don't REALLY hear any straining or wobbling in your vocals on any song...some people have commented on that, but I don't hear it. It's all just YOU.

Oh, and I didn't comment on the song ending too soon because to me, if it were my song, it wouldn't end just like that, abruptly. I assume you haven't done the total end bit yet, that's all. For the ending I hear like, one more chord being played and held a bit longer and then just fading.

I must get some of my own originals done so I can use you on 'em, seriously man.

very nice Johnny I checked them out. LonelyMe is pretty good. Instrumental is good. Your voice adds a nice flair to it, though in some parts it's a bit strained, which I can understand. The part I especially like is that instrumental pause which the vocals starts to bring them back in. That part has a REALLY nice effect. The other 2 "ideas" seem to be making some headway. Though the backing vocal in 'InThisHouse' seems kinda weird. lol. i dunno But nevertheless Nice job overall

Thanks for the kind words davie:wave:

With LonelyMe the timing is 3/4 not 4/4 so I'm not really keen

on that one! I really want to polish it up and actually finish it.

I ran out of steam on the 2nd verse (and lyrics) haha:p

The backing vocal, yeah I get its weird.

Me=weird and unconventional.

Thanks for taking the time to listen, I appreciate it;)

Wow, thanks for the wow compliment.

I've never ever been told anything I've written was

done "very well" lol:lol: I love to write but

there is always some road block that prevents me from finishing.

I'm so rusty when it comes to playing on time.

But hey thanks for taking the time to listen and post up

your thoughts. They are really invaluable to me:thu:

Very nice! I definitely agree that you have talent in writing. Lonely Me reminds me a little of some of Angela Aki's stuff. I too felt like it ended a little too soon. Your lyrics are sad. If you need anyone to talk to, pm me! Your singing sounded very good. I think in a few spots your voice seemed to waver a little off pitch. Other than that, very nice, expressive voice. I hope to hear more of your stuff! You definitely have talent!

Hey dude:wave: What's up?

LonelyMe isn't done yet, just done for that day.

I want to touch it up and have it completed but it got to 100

here today and well, I can't do much with that much heat, lol:mad:

(emphasis on red, not being mad)

Yeah, when I listened to the completed recording I couldn't hold back the tears and let the waaaaambulance arrive! I am sensitive, but realistic

at the same time... I appreciate your words and for hearing my new

stuff...I hope to complete these songs soon and make some more.

I hate it when I'm pitchy dog!

I'll try to be better.

Oh, and PM sent.

Thank you G! Yeah, I'm not sure I hear the wobbling but

I will check check check it to be sure. There wasn't much reverb

saturation like before so yeah...

The song isn't done, just sort of done enough to share:)

I hope to upload more, I have some cool ideas

but they'rnt completed yet.

I have a bean and cheese burrito song if you'd like to hear it?

I sang it in one take as a joke and it lasted for like a few minutes haha!

Yes, please upload the burrito song!! lol

It is uploaded.

I also uploaded a couple more songs...

Please (everyone) feel free to check them out.

Listening to your new uploads right now...

Feel So Lost is gorgeous. You really have a great voice. It emotes so much.

Spendin My Days sounds great too.

Just Bean n Cheese is great, lol! I love how passionate you sound while singing it.

Really great song ideas. I love your writing and arrangement style. I'd love to hear them fleshed out and completed. Your singing is professional level.

Really nice stuff, Johnny, really nice! You shouldn't knock your writing--there's some really good material to work with here. And I agree with Grace that the Peter Gabriel connection is not as obvious as it used to be.

Your voice, as ever, is great--but I would also say that you did a very good job of recording and producing these tracks. Professional sounding!

HAHAA! Listening to Bean & Cheese now. It's very heartfelt...quite angry and indignant. Love how the piano is quite beautiful and the lyrics are like...the listener is like, "Wait a minute...what did he say? WHAT did he say??"

ROTFLMAO, just got to the constipation bit. AHAHA!! HILARIOUS! It's such a picturesque song. I picture this guy sitting somewhere, looking very uncomfortable, singing this song.

Your album (which WILL be made, right? At some point?) must contain this right at the end, as a sort of surprise bonus track. Ok? Good. lol

Spendin My Days is lovely. Is that you on the guitar or is a midi-based guitar sound? It's very breezy...kinda fresh-sounding somehow.

Feel So Lost...this sounds like Peter G again to me...but that's not a bad thing at ALL because you do definitely have your own sound. Vocally and song-related.

I listened to "Lonely Me."

I like the timbre of your voice--it's rich and with just a touch of grit, and your pitch is, for the most part, pretty good. The song is nice, intimate, melancholy. I like it, but it needs to be finished: another chorus, a bridge, etc.

As far as things to improve, you sound a bit strained when you hit your higher register, and your pitch suffers a bit. Also your phrasing needs work--you lose the beat several times.

Definitely a solid early effort.

See, I can hear the strain as some others have mentioned, but I don't see it as necessarily something to fix or change. I hear it as a bit of grit, a bit of uniqueness and personality.

Listening to your new uploads right now... Feel So Lost is gorgeous. You really have a great voice. It emotes so much. Spendin My Days sounds great too. Just Bean n Cheese is great, lol! I love how passionate you sound while singing it. Really great song ideas. I love your writing and arrangement style. I'd love to hear them fleshed out and completed. Your singing is professional level.

Wow bro thank you, really!

Kind words just help out and build confidence.

I want to finish these tracks I really do and

for you to say the sound is professional level means a great deal to

me because I'm the guy without an expensive studio, doing *it* with

cheap gear no one really uses. Let it serve as a reminder

you don't need to break the bank to get a good sound.

Thanks again, this pushes me further to complete what I've started:thu:

Really nice stuff, Johnny, really nice! You shouldn't knock your writing--there's some really good material to work with here. And I agree with Grace that the Peter Gabriel connection is not as obvious as it used to be. Your voice, as ever, is great--but I would also say that you did a very good job of recording and producing these tracks. Professional sounding!

Mr Jersey Jack, how are you!

I don't mean to knock my writing but it is a pain sometimes

when I come up with what seems like a great line, and then crickets

I don't know what to write next! I'm honestly wanting to finally

sing and sound like me instead of you know who:p

Thanks for the compliments Jack.

My goal is to have things polished by myself (trying to eliminate the

middle man: sound engineer) due to cost constraints n all...

I think I am finally just making music as opposed to procrastinating

about *the sound* so its great news to hear that it may be paying off

to focus on the important aspect: creating...

Thanks very much, hope to see more of ya:wave:

Yeah, Bean N Cheese is like the ode to fast food disconnect

between consumer and cashier, lol...

I'll pull a LimpBizkit and have it embedded at the end without a credit.

I'm naturally avoiding the Peter G sound and I'm focusing more on

what I feel versus rehearsing (which is a good but bad thing) haha.

On all these tracks I've done all the work

arranging, recording, and playing the instruments.

Can't give away the secrets of the instrumentation:p

Thanks for taking the time to listen G!

On your latest post I do agree with that.

I'm honestly not straining and it is the grit

quality I go for with certain parts of a song.

However listening very carefully to the song (closely)

revealed the flaws I need to work on and that is priceless advice

because it just pushes me to get better!

I listened to "Lonely Me." I like the timbre of your voice--it's rich and with just a touch of grit, and your pitch is, for the most part, pretty good. The song is nice, intimate, melancholy. I like it, but it needs to be finished: another chorus, a bridge, etc. As far as things to improve, you sound a bit strained when you hit your higher register, and your pitch suffers a bit. Also your phrasing needs work--you lose the beat several times. Definitely a solid early effort.

Thanks for that thorough analysis!

I have alternate versus, bridges/and a climax for LonelyMe.

When I sing, I don't feel the strain but I appreciate your advice

so I'ma gonna work on that aspect. The beat issue is my fault, lol.

Basically the 3/4 timing is a bit of a problem for me because

the structure isn't like 4/4...I edited the timing issue so that everything syncs up but the darn file is over 10MB as an mp3 so I have to edit it

once again, but when I do I'll upload it.

I didn't do the vocals yet because I want the entire writing

aspect completed before I strain, I mean sing it:p

Really man, thanks for taking the time.

It's going to help me and it will pay off:thu:

Again, I can't wait to "use" you on some of my own songs...and I'd also...if you would be interested ONE day (who knows when. I'm a total procrastinator, as you're no doubt aware), I'd love to co-write a song with ya.

I love "Lonely me", and I just realized that even though your one of my more respectable members I had never heard one of your tracks.

Great vocals, I really liked the little upward inflection near the beginning, it makes the performance ineresting.

When my net stops messing around I'll listen to your other tracks.

Dude, why didn't you tell me about these recordings? Lonely Me sounds VERY professional.. I honestly get a phil collins vibe for some reason.. You don't SOUND like him, hard to explain.. My mother always used to rock out to phil in the car. lol

You're way ahead of me, man, I can't even bring myself to write basic throw away songs to even GET good at writing.. I don't have any equiptment, either.. My rock band mic just broke today, gotta wait until tuesday to buy a new one, and I'm getting a guitar cord so I can use my electric and hopefully come up with some riffs and stuff.. You're inspiring me to try harder with my instruments.. damnit. I'm too lazy for this {censored}.. lol

Seriously, though, I listened to them all, and even though two or three of 'em only seem to be 15 second snippets, they're all GREAT! Keep writing stuff, even if it sounds generic to you, it will only make you better and your general composition skills will get tighter. It's like practicing to learn how to build the base of a house and learning how to mix it around to build different shaped houses before you go and decorate them.. (With riffs/hooks/melodies/motifs/ect)

Feel So Lost is {censored}ing awesome, too. Your recording quality is great.. I need to learn how to record on my own, I basically can't rely on studios because I'm poor.

yes feel so lost is the best one of the bunch.

the only bummer is all six are b/w 70-80 bpm. try experimenting with different tempos for some more variety.

Yeah, I agree. As you get more comfortable with coming up with recordings like that regularly, work on trying new things and challenging yourself.. You'll end up making something much more unique and unusual.. And weird music is usually awesome music to my ears. lol