My cover band was playing a little dive/biker bar in Connecticut, typical gig, decent crowd......after our last set was finished and the load out began, I noticed our bass player was awol for quite some time. Now usually the boys are doing there best at hook-ups before they leave and I wrote off his absense to exactly that. When I finished packing up my gear and before I split, I figured I would use the bathroom one more time before the trip home and on the way there what did I see but my bass player making out with some chick on a corner sofa, kinda of out of the way in a back hallway area of the bar. "Good for him," thought I and went to piss. Well I had a lot of beers and was doing my thing like a racehorse when I heard loud shouting and banging coming from outside the bathroom and it kept getting louder and more intense but unless the club is on fire, I ain't stopping my stream for anyone or anything...... Once I left the bathroom, I saw the source of all the noise; this huge biker dude who made my good size bass player look like a schoolgirl on the first day of the 2nd grade. He was probably 6'4" or so and at least 275-300lbs. and built like a tank. Well, the biker guy was screaming at the girl, who appearently was the finace of his best friend, who just happened to be incarcerated at that time. As the screaming went on, and my bass player was turning whiter and trying harder to fade into the sofa, I learned that the biker guy was sworn to his buddy to watch out for his girl until he got out - and then the real twist - that he was in love with her too......"holy {censored}, we are gonna need a new bass player," was what I was thinking. While this quasi-Gimme 3 steps scene is playing out, I am trying to figure out how to get my bass player/friend out of the situation without us both having to take an ass whooping. So.......the best I could come up was to grab the biker's hand and start shaking vigorously while saying, "Jeff, Jeff, it's really great to see you man, I can't believe you made it here tonight......how did you like the show, how's your mom doing, etc., etc, " while carefully and skillfully turning him slowly around and away from the situation. As the biker guy was trying to figure out who the f*ck I was and trying to process the information (he was drunk as {censored} too), I am feverishly eye-motioning to my friend to head for the door fast as I know this isn't gonna last long. Well to my surprise, the guy goes, "Hey man, good to see you too, how have you been brother.....let me get you a beer" and we start strolling away towards the bar.......which gives my friend not only time to escape but get his gear out too and beat it out of the bar. The biker guy calms right down, we have a beer (AND HE PAYS) and he takes his love and best friends fiance out of the bar. My bass player is saved and I am temporarily elevated to band hero status. All the while I am dumb-founded that my stupid-ass, lame plan worked and defused the situation.....and thrilled that my friend and I didn't get beat up. #1 morale: don't trust chicks at shows........especially from myspace.com. #2 morale: all biker guys appearently will respond favorable to the name "Jeff" - why?, I have no idea......
