The Ten Commandments of Guitar Playing

[buchanan-d]

Have to share this with me fellow members. Go to www.beefheart.com, the go down to the music related info link. Then you'll see the articles and interveiw tab, click that to get the title of the ten commandments, a lot of fun to read, enjoy mates! Fixed now.

[scottgd]

Ya, drugs are bad, m'K

[Poltergeist]

cant find it

[5Ronins]

http://www.beefheart.com/datharp/10com.htm

[Poster Nutbag]

^ Beat me to it

 

That was pretty entertaining, especially #4

[schiz]

Kinda lame

[aenemated]

i prefer brian baker's 10 commandments of punk rock guitar:

 

 

Treat your guitar like {censored} and it will respect you. To get that mean {censored}in' low end and still retain some highs in your sound, use only Gibson guitars. SG's and Les Pauls are the ultimate punk rock tools. Use only downstrokes. Downstrokes are the key to unlocking all punk rhythms. Plaster your guitars with stickers to prove that you're an individual. Remember, being uncool is cool, so one Van Halen is worth three Sex Pistols stickers. The Marshall JMP 100-Watt master volume head is the Holy Grail of amps. Other people get all hot and bothered about what kind of speakers and cabinets they use, but that's all bull{censored}. You can plug the JMP into virtually anything and it's going to sound wonderful. No open tunings. Grunge is not punk rock. Don't be self-indulgent. Limit your guitar solos to eight bars or less. Otherwise, you're playing metal. Never, ever play a show with a cigarette hanging out of your mouth. It's incredibly painful when a stage diver pushes off your face and smashes the red-hot cherry into your cheek. It may be punk to be {censored}ed up at your day job, but when you take the stage you should be straight. It's hard to play music with intensity and speed when you're drunk. Do not stack Marshall cabinets. That's not punk, it's arena rock. The Ramones are the only band exempted from this rule.

 

[caveman]

Try this:

 

http://www.beefheart.com/datharp/10com.htm

[Jimmy Chitown]

Here are the musings of the desert lunatic for those too lazy to click more than one link:

 

 

1. Listen to the birds.

 

That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.

 

 

 

2. Your guitar is not really a guitar Your guitar is a divining rod.

 

Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.

 

 

 

3. Practice in front of a bush

 

Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush dosen't shake, eat another piece of bread.

 

 

 

4. Walk with the devil

 

Old Delta blues players referred to guitar amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employerin terms of who you're brining over from the other side. Electricity attracts devils and demons. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

 

 

 

5. If you're guilty of thinking, you're out

 

If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.

 

 

 

6. Never point your guitar at anyone

 

Your instrument has more clout than lightning. Just hit a big chord then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.

 

 

 

7. Always carry a church key

 

That's your key-man clause. Like One String Sam. He's one. He was a Detroit street musician who played in the fifties on a homemade instrument. His song "I Need a Hundered Dollars" is warm pie. Another key to the church is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty-making you want to look up her dress the whole time to see how he's doing it.

 

 

 

8. Don't wipe the sweat off your instrument

 

You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

 

 

 

9. Keep your guitar in a dark place

 

When you're not playin your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure you put a saucer of water in with it.

 

 

 

10. You gotta have a hood for your engine

 

Keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house, the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a piece of wet paper around it to make it grow.

[Doctor49]

i am up with #10

 

 

 

[caveman]

Quote: 1. "Listen to the birds.

That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere".

 

Hummingbirds are fierce little warriors that guard their piece of the world with a passion. Some folks mistake patrol and aerial combat as not going anywhere.

[stewiesguitar]

#9 cracked me up.

[stevieb]

 

#9 cracked me up.

 

 

But it's actually the most practical advice in the list.

[EJD]

It all struck me as utter bull{censored}.

 

Except, maybe number 9 - something to do with humidity for acoustics? That's very important. But the rest are complete crap

[knotty]

3 minutes of my life which I will never get back!

[RockNote]

Commandments 2 and 4 are some of the wisest guitar talk ever to grace the pages of HCEG - for better of for worse, alas, but true nonetheless:

 

2. Your guitar is not really a guitar Your guitar is a divining rod.

Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.

 

4. Walk with the devil

Old Delta blues players referred to guitar amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're brining over from the other side. Electricity attracts devils and demons. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

[Surrealistic]

It all struck me as utter bull{censored}. Except, maybe number 9 - something to do with humidity for acoustics? That's very important. But the rest are complete crap

Ahem ... I'm struggling to find the words to point this out to you nicely ... can somebody help me?

[EJD]

Ahem ... I'm struggling to find the words to point this out to you nicely ... can somebody help me?

 

 

Oh wait... he means put a saucer of water in so it has something to drink, like a pet, right? It wouldn't surprise me. The guy's a loonbag.

 

It's all bull{censored} then