Members ekans Posted January 25, 2003 Members Share Posted January 25, 2003 Originally posted by stunningbabe Bryan...hehehe....great job with your PR skill on stage. What you said is pretty good. Don't let these hecklers control us. WE CONTROL THEM!. Right?. After all......all of us will have our share of hecklers one time or another......so it doesn't hurt to share with all the forumites here the ways you handle these hecklers wisely. I still think funny statements always get the message across. The crowd will laugh and that surely will piss off the heckler you just told off in a humourous way. Agree?. Stunningbabe I was using humour to beat the drunk heckler also and you jumped all over me telling me I need to watch it and now this is ok to you ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stunningbabe Posted January 26, 2003 Author Members Share Posted January 26, 2003 ekans....yes, we can use humour to ward these fellas off.....but tactfully and firm, not sarcastically if possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stunningbabe Posted January 26, 2003 Author Members Share Posted January 26, 2003 Originally posted by scubyfan hey so which one are you? whichever one, you're pretty hot...but tell us - don't leave us in mystery! scubyfan.....I am the girl on the left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Brian Marshall Posted January 26, 2003 Members Share Posted January 26, 2003 Ok, this wasnt so much funny haha, or a one liner, but our last gig was at the wazobia in Seattle. The sound system was a disaster, and when the gig was booked they told us we didnt need to bring anything but our insturments. Turned out they only had 2 mics and one broken mic. We went on seccond, and started playing. mid way in to the first song the monitor cuts out, and eveynow and then would come back on but would sound all scratchy. None of our insturments were mic'ed so we had them all cranked, and our singer couldnt hear her self at all. I couldnt hear her, but i could tell she wasnt sounding good out in the croud. About half way through the set this guy that looks like a bum walked up in front of the stage, and tries to grab my microphone. I said something like "have annother one" or something like that. Then he went over to our lead singer who is only 22, and female, and not very intimidating looking at all. The guy grabs her mic stand and tries to turn it toward himself while she is introducing the next song. Finally when he finally gets a good hold of the stand she grabs it back and say "Hey, this is my show" and the guy ran off. Finally we got to our last song which has really quiet verses and long lead breaks. since the song was quiet enough our singer could hear herself through the mains, and sang that song great, and the croud started to get in to it after sort of looking like they felt sorry for us earlier. We went in to the last lead break and I soloed for like 15 minutes with like 10 false endings. When we were done we had a perfect rock star ending, and we all jumped at the same time for the last beat. Our singer and i both shouted in to our mic's at the same time "thank you" without any planning to try to do it together. It was funny for the band more than anyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pink floyd cramer Posted January 26, 2003 Members Share Posted January 26, 2003 A guitar player in my Country/Southern Rock band used to start the night out by saying" We would like to welcome all you good people out here tonight...and some of you other folks as well." BTW Stunning Babe you are indeed stunning. But evidently you KNOW that don't you? -PFC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stunningbabe Posted January 27, 2003 Author Members Share Posted January 27, 2003 Originally posted by pink floyd cramer A guitar player in my Country/Southern Rock band used to start the night out by saying" We would like to welcome all you good people out here tonight...and some of you other folks as well." BTW Stunning Babe you are indeed stunning. But evidently you KNOW that don't you? -PFC I may be stunning.....I may not be. You see.....every girl you meet will not be throughly happy with her body or looks. I don't know why.....that's the way we girls are. I have seen some really beautiful girls personally.....but they tell me they wished they were taller, slimmer, bigger boobs, smaller boobs, staighter hair, bigger eyes, higher nose etc......you know.....those kinda things. They are not happy with their looks. I am no exception. I wish I was more oriental looking than caucasian. But if guys find me stunning......perhaps they'd better look again!. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BryanMichael Posted January 27, 2003 Members Share Posted January 27, 2003 mixed race people are often quite beautiful. It's as if they get the best features of both races- -B Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stunningbabe Posted January 27, 2003 Author Members Share Posted January 27, 2003 Bryan.....not always. I have seen really goofy looking mixed people. They look very out of place!. Not all mixed people look good. It is just like anybody on this earth. You have some nice looking ones.....and not so nice ones too. I have had my share of expereince regarding my looks. Caucasians think I am one of them. Asians think I am one of them. Well......I am neither.....I am just stuck in the middle. There was once when I was singing on stage.....a heckler shouted " Hey babe.....are you a Chink or a White?." He was a White guy, 40 plus......drunk no doubt......and he was heckling me all night. So I said on the mic...."Hey Frankie!. You know the Doctor said you can't drink when you have AIDS and VD!. You must let your body recover after all those nightly visits to your favourite girlie parlours!". That stopped him right there and then. Crowd luaghs at the heckler. Heckler walks off....never to return again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Body Bomb Posted January 29, 2003 Members Share Posted January 29, 2003 Originally posted by Cassius Never said this but Billy Connely had the best antiheckler comback."Why are you heckling me? Do i come to your place of work and tell you how to sweep floors?" I use a pretty vulgar variation of this. ahem... "I don't come down to the docks where you work and slap the sailors' dicks out of your mouth." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Blackmaildesigns Posted January 30, 2003 Members Share Posted January 30, 2003 Okay, here's my favorite After heckler is at it for a while you say, "Just think folks, we have to put up with him - but he has to BE him" "We get to be us" Blackmail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pink floyd cramer Posted January 31, 2003 Members Share Posted January 31, 2003 Stunningbabe shame on your band and the crowd for not immediately grabbing that heckler by the scruff of the neck and throwing him out into the street. They should have held him while you drop-kicked his testicles into the next time zone. Drunk or not there is no excuse for a racial epithet like that and anybody that was 1/2 a man wouldn't stand by and let it be used against a young sensitive girl in their company. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stunningbabe Posted February 1, 2003 Author Members Share Posted February 1, 2003 Originally posted by pink floyd cramer Stunningbabe shame on your band and the crowd for not immediately grabbing that heckler by the scruff of the neck and throwing him out into the street. They should have held him while you drop-kicked his testicles into the next time zone. Drunk or not there is no excuse for a racial epithet like that and anybody that was 1/2 a man wouldn't stand by and let it be used against a young sensitive girl in their company. I can't do much as I was alone on stage. I wasn't performing with my band that night. Never mind, I guess no performers is spared of these bums. They are all over the world. Ain't matter where in the world you perform. They are always around. Agree?. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pink floyd cramer Posted February 1, 2003 Members Share Posted February 1, 2003 Well then Kudos to you stunning babe for being so cool about it and putting him in his place. Yes, they're always around but we don't have to put up with their abuse. I still think the club employees and/or members of the audience should have "escorted" him out but I guess you saved them the trouble. I will post a story later about how one of my bandleaders put an abusive heckler in his place. He used vulgarity that I hesitate to use in front of a lady but if you play in a band you are one of the boys anyway- I don't think you have a problem with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stunningbabe Posted February 1, 2003 Author Members Share Posted February 1, 2003 Originally posted by pink floyd cramer Well then Kudos to you stunning babe for being so cool about it and putting him in his place. Yes, they're always around but we don't have to put up with their abuse. I still think the club employees and/or members of the audience should have "escorted" him out but I guess you saved them the trouble. I will post a story later about how one of my bandleaders put an abusive heckler in his place. He used vulgarity that I hesitate to use in front of a lady but if you play in a band you are one of the boys anyway- I don't think you have a problem with that. pfc....er....my band members are all girls except my male Keyboardist. My guy is pretty protective over the girls.....and whichever bum tries to be funny or flirt with us, we will give him the signal and he will rescue us!. He is a really great guy!. BUt when I do solo shows, I am on my own. I have to make do with my wit....which I am rather good I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pink floyd cramer Posted February 1, 2003 Members Share Posted February 1, 2003 Sorry to keep y'all in suspense- now for the promised vulgarity! I was in a country band playing at a little club that had the most abrasive, loudmouthed asshole heckler I had ever seen in the audience. We tried to ignore him but it got real old quick. He shut up long enough to dance with some dumb woman while our guitar player sang the ZZ Top song "Sharp Dressed Man". (it was a very slow night and they were the only couple on the dance floor). When it came time to sing the line "every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man" the bandleader stepped up to the mic to say "every girl's crazy 'bout a short-dick man". He didn't point but it was obvious who he was referring too.. Surprisingly, the asshole just put his hands up in the air as if to say "you got me". He shut up and left. Juvenile, maybe, but it worked. At that point we didn't care how he reacted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stunningbabe Posted February 2, 2003 Author Members Share Posted February 2, 2003 Originally posted by pink floyd cramer Sorry to keep y'all in suspense- now for the promised vulgarity! I was in a country band playing at a little club that had the most abrasive, loudmouthed asshole heckler I had ever seen in the audience. We tried to ignore him but it got real old quick. He shut up long enough to dance with some dumb woman while our guitar player sang the ZZ Top song "Sharp Dressed Man". (it was a very slow night and they were the only couple on the dance floor). When it came time to sing the line "every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man" the bandleader stepped up to the mic to say "every girl's crazy 'bout a short-dick man". He didn't point but it was obvious who he was referring too.. Surprisingly, the asshole just put his hands up in the air as if to say "you got me". He shut up and left. Juvenile, maybe, but it worked. At that point we didn't care how he reacted. Way to go!. We all have our own way of shutting these bums up whilst we are on stage. Some resort to threats, others ignore, some use humour at the bums' expense. I use humour the most...and if they are pissed drunk beyond reasoning, will ignore them though they will shout loudly to me from the bar, I will pretend I did not hear him.....and procee to do a medley of 5 hard rock numbers without any break in a row....and he will give up trying to heackle me after 5 LOUD songs....failing which I then play back a background CD music WHILE my last song is still being performed. That means the heckler has no chance at all to be heard coz I will be in the washroom right after my last song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fafnir777 Posted February 5, 2003 Members Share Posted February 5, 2003 Originally posted by Body Bomb I use a pretty vulgar variation of this. ahem... "I don't come down to the docks where you work and slap the sailors' dicks out of your mouth." I've got one for you: If the guy is with a girl, ask him if she's his girlfriend, and if he says yes ask him: "Does she give good head?" (or "Is she good in bed?") and of course, he's going to say yes (to save face with her) And then ask him: "Did you ever wonder how much she had to practice to get that good?" :D And of course, when someone yells for "Freebird", you Flip them the bird and tell them that the next will cost $5. Tim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stunningbabe Posted February 6, 2003 Author Members Share Posted February 6, 2003 Fafnir77, thanks for the tip. I will try to remember that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BlackBelt Posted February 7, 2003 Members Share Posted February 7, 2003 Well, most of the folks that come see us play are drunk, and i don't drink, so they don't get a lot of my dry wit...but, I usually introduce our drummer as the "Masterbeater", and that gets a chuckle, and I usually introduce a song with, "This next one is for all you good looking people in the house tonight...and all you ugly ones, too!" I will also on occasion take an envelope up on stage, and pick on one of the band members (with their permission, of course). I'll open the envelope and say, "Hey, Tom, you passed your GED's", or "Hey, Tom, your VD test came out negative!", or "Hey, Tom, looks like your wife's leaving you--jeez, this probably isn't the best time to bring this up, is it?" Just being silly... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members michaell Posted February 9, 2003 Members Share Posted February 9, 2003 "The more you drink, the better we sound!" ml Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stringbean Posted February 10, 2003 Members Share Posted February 10, 2003 "The more you drink, the better we sound!" and the more we drink, the better you look Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stunningbabe Posted February 10, 2003 Author Members Share Posted February 10, 2003 Originally posted by BlackBelt Well, most of the folks that come see us play are drunk, and i don't drink, so they don't get a lot of my dry wit...but, I usually introduce our drummer as the "Masterbeater", and that gets a chuckle, and I usually introduce a song with, "This next one is for all you good looking people in the house tonight...and all you ugly ones, too!" I will also on occasion take an envelope up on stage, and pick on one of the band members (with their permission, of course). I'll open the envelope and say, "Hey, Tom, you passed your GED's", or "Hey, Tom, your VD test came out negative!", or "Hey, Tom, looks like your wife's leaving you--jeez, this probably isn't the best time to bring this up, is it?" Just being silly... I think that's good to loosen things up. Many customers expect only to hear your band perform song after song.....not expecting you to interact and liven things with some banterings. I think whether you are a soloist or in a band, humour is essential if done tastefully and spontanesouly. I once did this crazy introduction on my Band Leader: I said "I'd like to introduce my band leader and one of the most awesome Keyboardist in the world, a former bodyguard trained to protect VIPs from being kidnapped....but quit after he himself was kidnapped last year, Mr. Alan Boyle!". :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Captain Posted February 10, 2003 Members Share Posted February 10, 2003 "Hi, we're FIREWALL and we're gonna play some songs" I have no clue why I say that every time but there it is.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dbpulvino Posted February 10, 2003 Members Share Posted February 10, 2003 I hate to quote a Phish'ism, but it's a good one, something like... "we have a can in the bathroom if you'd like to make a donation..." dp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stunningbabe Posted February 11, 2003 Author Members Share Posted February 11, 2003 Originally posted by dbpulvino I hate to quote a Phish'ism, but it's a good one, something like... "we have a can in the bathroom if you'd like to make a donation..." dp Here, take this 1 dollar from me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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