Members Rippin' Robin Posted July 15, 2005 Members Posted July 15, 2005 But were afraid to ask? The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors.They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour: Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which doesnot... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night inKings Cross. Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, whichis...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)A: You are a British politician, right? Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispenserattlesnake serum. (USA)A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. AllAustralian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)A: No, WE don't stink. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)A: Yes, gay nightclubs. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)A: Only at Christmas. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Members Zebra Posted July 15, 2005 Members Posted July 15, 2005 I think I like this website.I was talking to an australian guy on the internet, and he told me the population of kangaroos outnumbers the popultaion of people. Is that true, I'd love for it to be true.Also, when discussing the hurricane stuff in Florida, he said their most prominent natural disasters were bush fires. I told him it was a pretty pitiful natural disaster. He agreed.
Members EuphoricGreyGuitar Posted July 15, 2005 Members Posted July 15, 2005 Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.---------------------------------------------------- Wow, did that make me laugh. So loudly I think I woke up my family...
Members Perfessor Posted July 15, 2005 Members Posted July 15, 2005 How do people keep from falling off the earth down there?
Members fintucfin Posted July 15, 2005 Members Posted July 15, 2005 This one's a real LOL! Thanks, Rippin' Robin.
Moderators isaac42 Posted July 15, 2005 Moderators Posted July 15, 2005 Better yet, how do I get my wife a job there? That way, she can work, and I can play music!
Members ToeJamFootball Posted July 16, 2005 Members Posted July 16, 2005 Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) hahahhaa stupid americans:( my (australian) friend went to america and she kept getting asked to speak her first language:rolleyes: i dont understand how some people can be so stupid. ToeJam
Members beam Posted July 16, 2005 Members Posted July 16, 2005 Originally posted by Rippin' Robin Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Members Sixgun77 Posted July 16, 2005 Members Posted July 16, 2005 I actualy have a serious question for once. How hard is it to get a manufacturing job in Australia?
Moderators isaac42 Posted July 16, 2005 Moderators Posted July 16, 2005 Hey, my questions were serious!
Members Benjamin Posted July 16, 2005 Members Posted July 16, 2005 Originally posted by Sixgun77 I actualy have a serious question for once. How hard is it to get a manufacturing job in Australia? As with everyone else, depends on your qualifications and moreso whose ear you can get into. Sometimes you can simply approach someone important, demonstrate a fair knowledge and potential and you may get a leg-up. You won't get what you want straight away, but you'll get a start. I don't know how Australian engineers view accreditations from other countries, as the codes here are still reasonably strict and I imagine significantly different in places. What kind of manufacturing? Kangaroos deliver newspapers from their pouches in the city streets. Usually at 4am, before the garbage runs.
Members beam Posted July 16, 2005 Members Posted July 16, 2005 In college I was really interested in doing some archaeological field work down under...but then some of my professors enlightened me as to the laws down there. Australia is pretty serious about keeping any sites of the native aboriginies in-tact, so they don't allow much digging. Which I think is a pretty good idea actually.
Members Sixgun77 Posted July 16, 2005 Members Posted July 16, 2005 Originally posted by Benjamin What kind of manufacturing? I'm a machinist with about 6 years of experience. Converting to metric isin't a big hurdle to me because I do it sometimes when I get prints that have metric dimensions.
Members MacGarnicle Posted July 17, 2005 Members Posted July 17, 2005 Originally posted by Perfessor How do people keep from falling off the earth down there? Skyhooks.
Members Benjamin Posted July 17, 2005 Members Posted July 17, 2005 Originally posted by Sixgun77 I'm a machinist with about 6 years of experience. Converting to metric isin't a big hurdle to me because I do it sometimes when I get prints that have metric dimensions. Plenty of jobs for you over here, let me think of a few: 1. General machinery in a country town 2. Boards of works in cities 3. Truck trailers and other mobile machinery, everywhere 4. Small player specialst engineers (car speed bits in cities, for riceboys) 5. V8 Supercar team machinist All depends on your experience.
Moderators isaac42 Posted July 17, 2005 Moderators Posted July 17, 2005 Originally posted by Benjamin As with everyone else, depends on your qualifications and moreso whose ear you can get into. Sometimes you can simply approach someone important, demonstrate a fair knowledge and potential and you may get a leg-up. You won't get what you want straight away, but you'll get a start.And how does a guy in Maryland - or Oregon, in my case - go about approaching someone important? Not a lot of important Aussies hanging out here, waiting for us to approach them.
Members Benjamin Posted July 17, 2005 Members Posted July 17, 2005 I guess you'd have to come over for a holiday, check out the scene. It depends on the weather also, as Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane/Gold Coast go from Britain Cold to Africa Hot and then Humid Jungle, seemingly at will.
Members Sixgun77 Posted July 17, 2005 Members Posted July 17, 2005 What parts of Australia never get cold, or at least are the least cold?
Members beam Posted July 17, 2005 Members Posted July 17, 2005 Originally posted by Sixgun77 What parts of Australia never get cold, or at least are the least cold? I'd say your best bet there are the eastern and western coasts.Though I can't imagine that any part gets really "cold" too often.
Moderators isaac42 Posted July 17, 2005 Moderators Posted July 17, 2005 Originally posted by Benjamin I guess you'd have to come over for a holiday, check out the scene. It depends on the weather also, as Melbourne, Sydney and Brisbane/Gold Coast go from Britain Cold to Africa Hot and then Humid Jungle, seemingly at will. Nice thought, but I've looked at the prices, and until I have a job waiting for me, I don't see how I can afford to visit!
Members badboybass Posted July 17, 2005 Members Posted July 17, 2005 queensland has a warm stable climate. i imagine it would be similar to florida in terms of climate. up in Far North Queensland where the great barrier reef is, the climate is tropical.
Members lokidecat Posted July 17, 2005 Members Posted July 17, 2005 Q. Is it true you are all thieves? (USA) *snerk*
Members shelbass Posted July 17, 2005 Members Posted July 17, 2005 Frigging cold here this morining.My balls are still hiding.
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