Members Dark Slide Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 ... So my girlfriend has 2 kids and due to that, my time spent alone with her is limited. Last week one night when the kids were gone I was talking to her and she said she was feeling {censored}ty and didn't feel like doing anything but laying on the couch. My response was something along the lines of "Alright, well... I guess I am not going to see you tonight then." and I don't remember if anything else was said, but I left it with "I'll let you go so you can lay down and get some sleep" or something like that. So... a few minutes after getting done talking with her, I decide that this sucks and I want to see her. So I take a shower, shave, etc etc.. and then I run to the store and buy her favorite ice cream and some food in case she is hungry and doesn't feel like cooking and some green tea because she loves green tea. So I show up and she tells me that she was having a pity party thinking that I didn't care, etc etc... Well TONIGHT I am talking to her, and she tells me that I was being manipulative by showing up, and that I was only doing it to meet my needs, and so on and so forth. I am completely lost. On one hand she tells me that she was all upset because she thought I didn't care and actually tells me that she had managed to convince herself that I hated her that night... and then on the other hand she calls me manipulative FOR caring and showing up. She THEN tells me that she needs time alone for herself from time to time to do {censored} and just be by herself... but then gives me a huge amount of {censored} because I called her last night to see if she wanted company, got the impression that she didn't and then didn't show up. Does anyone else ever want to burn their {censored}ing eyes out with a red hot poker before brutally tearing their brain out of their skull with a rusty spoon when dealing with women?
Members bassman1956 Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 Been there.Really feel for ya, bro. There is no right answer! And, there is no good answer.
Members ZeroGomer Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 Man, I know what you're saying. I'm trying to think of how I'd handle the situation, but bassman is right. Anything you do is the wrong response. She obviously wanted to feel in the dumps and couldn't appreciate your blatant display of love and affection, so maybe next time ask her what she wants and explain that you will do exactly that. Leave her with no excuses? I don't know man, that's tough. Most women seem to find a way to take the blame off themselves even when an honest jury would blame her without a shadow of a doubt. Asi es la vida.
Members DerekDRP Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 get a new woman bud. I think shes telling you ina way shes cheeting on you ( but i am not sure ) or i watch too much tv lol )
Members Emprov Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 Don't call me a pig for this but, is she PMS'ing?
Members scarecrowbob Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 I am sympathetic towards women who have children but no husband, as my wife had a baby before we got married. She was also very moody and emotional like this and has done a lot of crazy things. My understanding is that I really shouldn't worry about the day-to-day mood change stuff, and just work on long term feelings. The other thing (and something that I've gathered from a long term reading of this Lacan dude) is that all demands bear an excess, and that excess is desire. Anything that your SO says to you in the way of a request will always have some unexpressible part; that is simply the nature of important relations. That is why she'll ask for one thing but want another. And we can only find that other thing through lots of long experiences. But hey, trying to figure out what somebody can never tell you is the whole point of a relationship like that, eh ?
Members Deville Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 Wow, that sucks... especially after last week's thread where you expressed so much concern over her kid. There's a reason why Tom Leykis suggests that single men avoid single mothers.
Members BigPigPeaches Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 Originally posted by Cortfan Run. +1. Somethin psycho goin on there, sir. In the meantime, allow me to introduce you to the only woman who won't ever pull crazy {censored} on you:
Members Barchetta Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 Originally posted by Emprov Don't call me a pig for this but, is she PMS'ing? That's my guess as well. Yup that would explain just about everything. lol
Members Deep Bass Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 Originally posted by Cortfan Run. +2 This is a clue as to why she has 2 kids and isn't married. PMs'ing is no excuse to make you feel like {censored} for being a nice guy.
Members Emprov Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 Originally posted by Deep Bass PMs'ing is no excuse to make you feel like {censored} for being a nice guy. Been married for over 10 years and I can totally tell when my wife is PMS'ing. It's not about making me feel like {censored}, it's the fact that her body ain't the same as it is normally. Learning how they act and understanding what's going on makes a huge difference. Not saying that's the case with Dark Slide but it sounds like it's a possibility.
Members xdamagexx Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 and i thought my girl messed with my mind... damn dark.. i feel for ya.. when u try to be nice and actually read her, she trips.. grrrrr:rolleyes:
Members rikshaw Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 Originally posted by Cortfan Run. amen! even if it is PMS that is no excuse for being crazy.
Members D Aussie Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 Sometimes I really just don't get women... If it is only sometimes then you are doing well.Stop your whining.Beer was invented for a reason.Use it wisely.
Members rikshaw Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 Originally posted by D Aussie Sometimes I really just don't get women... If it is only sometimes then you are doing well.Stop your whining.Beer was invented for a reason.Use it wisely. amen again! holy crap! i've said amen twice this year and im not even religious
Members philthygeezer Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 Originally posted by scarecrowbob I am sympathetic towards women who have children but no husband, as my wife had a baby before we got married. She was also very moody and emotional like this and has done a lot of crazy things. My understanding is that I really shouldn't worry about the day-to-day mood change stuff, and just work on long term feelings. The other thing (and something that I've gathered from a long term reading of this Lacan dude) is that all demands bear an excess, and that excess is desire. Anything that your SO says to you in the way of a request will always have some unexpressible part; that is simply the nature of important relations. That is why she'll ask for one thing but want another. And we can only find that other thing through lots of long experiences. But hey, trying to figure out what somebody can never tell you is the whole point of a relationship like that, eh ? Wow. This is wise. Thank you.
Members philthygeezer Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 I wouldn't get worked up. I found that trying to outguess what my SO wanted and be there for her every whim would drive her nuts anyway. I found that the long term feelings matter more than the day-to-day as well. Let her know that you care about her and keep being kind to her. Be confident and caring, but not s'motherly. 'Hold on loosely' - a great song.
Members ZeroGomer Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 Originally posted by D Aussie Beer was invented for a reason.Use it wisely. How would beer help, again? There's no need to bring beer into a relationship problem, it'll only make things worse.
Members batotman Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 She sounds emotionally crazy. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!
Members Markee Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 ...Naw, guys, that's not it. She wants to take it to the next level. She wants more of a commitment. She wants to get married so she can lay around on her dead.....you get the picture. Run as fast as you can from her dude. If she treats you like this now you can forget about getting treated better as it goes on.
Members NeonVomit Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 For three days before my girlfriend comes on, I avoid her like the plague. She totally understands.
CMS Author Craig Vecchione Posted August 30, 2005 CMS Author Posted August 30, 2005 Originally posted by scarecrowbob I am sympathetic towards women who have children but no husband, as my wife had a baby before we got married. She was also very moody and emotional like this and has done a lot of crazy things. My understanding is that I really shouldn't worry about the day-to-day mood change stuff, and just work on long term feelings. The other thing (and something that I've gathered from a long term reading of this Lacan dude) is that all demands bear an excess, and that excess is desire. Anything that your SO says to you in the way of a request will always have some unexpressible part; that is simply the nature of important relations. That is why she'll ask for one thing but want another. And we can only find that other thing through lots of long experiences. But hey, trying to figure out what somebody can never tell you is the whole point of a relationship like that, eh ? Relationships are not supposed to be an emotional version of "Where's Waldo?". I've been through this ride before, and I disagree strongly. It's basically emotional co-dependence. All I see here (and in every "what women really want" article, book, etc etc ) is yet another way for women to manipulate their SO. It's a great plan too....because as guys we love to "fix" things, and it's so much easier when there are "directions" to follow. Many of us follow all the crazy "she just needs to vent and know that you're listening, you don't have to do anything about it" only to find that the 'rules' have changed yet again. "And we can only find that through lots of long experiences". Yeah, years of guessing, being told, trying, being told you're wrong. Meanwhile, you're essentially the forgotten man, lost in a sea of serving her needs....or trying to anyway. And how exactly do you know what's day-to-day, and what's long-term? You don't. Because if Dark Slide's experience parallels mine as closely as it sounds, you'll be playing that guessing game along with the rest. And frankly, who wants to be around someone who's a bitch when she feels like it, and nice when she's good and ready to be? You're just supposed to what, go hide in a cave when she's "feeling {censored}ty"? Or sit there being a good listener as she whines on for hours until that mood passes? Fine, for short-term issues like job problems or loss of a loved one. Not fine when that's how you have to live your life from this day forward. I've seen and lived with women who have taken Dark Slide's GF's m/o, and there's no way to please her. Period. She's insecure, and she's making it his problem, because it's easier to blame someone else for your problems than to accept and deal with them yourself. You certainly can help, and should, but when you reach out and get slapped enough times, you'll learn not to reach out. Doing a good thing for someone should be acknowledged, not punished. Her reaction, no matter how she was feeling, was inappropriate. Even an, "I appreciate your kind gesture, but it's not what I need right now" would have been better. I'm not sure I even read anything describing just what it was that was the problem. "Feeling {censored}ty" could mean, "I've got the massive trots from that bratwurst", or "I hate my life" or "I hate you". Who knows? And if it's never expressed, who cares? For her not to explain herself shows disrespect for Dark Slide. Relationships are easy. Yup, easy. Two people who have lives, and are interested in each other, have no problem getting along. It's when you have one or both with emotional problems or illnesses that the trouble starts. Dealing with them should not be a guessing-game, and certainly should not have to result in the other person changing their entire life to accomodate a moving target. 50/50
Members gazman Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 Sorry dude your outta line. Women aren't light-switches that turn on and off at your (or even her) command. I agree that it sounds like a tough situation that with two kids and work and all the other {censored} going on that you guys cant get any alone time, but when you do, she can't just kick it into action. Personally I think you need to mix it up a little, suprise her, take her when shes least suspecting it and show ( REALLY SHOW HER) her you think the world of her. All the best.
Members batotman Posted August 30, 2005 Members Posted August 30, 2005 She is an emotional trainwreck. You stick there and wait for the train to derail and she drives you nuts too!
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