The Anthropology of the Rock and Roll Band

[Help!I'maRock!]

Very few people choose to play the bass. There are people in the audience who like to listen to the bass, because they like those low frequencies, and the way they make their bodies feel -- but the role of the bass player in the band is not usually the most exciting role, because he has to play repeated figures. We have a viola parallel here: electric bassists are often failed guitar players, demoted to this duty after a band meeting in a garage when they were thirteen.

 

Drummers often exhibit an attitude which advertises: "I play the drums because I am an animal -- watch me beat these! Girls, are you paying attention now? I'm beating very hard!"

 

Keyboard players project an aura of frustration because they are not guitar players. (In fact, many musicians are convinced that in order to get The Blow Job after the show, they have to play LEAD GUITAR.)

 

They believe that if they imitate certain guitar noises, it will automatically guarantee them The Big Payoff -- which is one of the reasons you now see keyboard players wearing those 'things' around their necks that kind of look like guitars but have keys on them (like an accordion that's been hit by a truck, with a nozzle on the end), as if to say: "What?! You'd rather blow the guitar player? Hah! Look at this high-tech dork I'm wearing!"

 

Most of the people who play keyboards in rock bands are not really skilled musicians. They're usually there to play droning string synthesizer pads or punches, fills and mannerisms that aren't very demanding, providing the chordal accompaniment while the guitar player goes "weedly-weedly-wee."

 

Unless the keyboard guy is working in a bar band, where you're usually cramped for space and the setup goes wherever you can fit it in, his stuff generally resides in 'the back line.' Because of this, denizens of 'the back line' believe that the closer you are to the front of the stage (especially when cavorting with a phallic-looking appliance, illuminated by a blue spotlight), the better the chances for the ol' you-know-what -- hence the desire of performers in all categories to move "closer to the people" (in spite of the fact that they might grab you by the ankle, pull you off the stage and mutilate you).

 

-FZ