Members BlackBelt Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 I need some snappy comebacks. A bunch of local drummers have taken it upon themselves to degrade us bassists with what are normally 'drummer jokes'. Unfortunately, I was so stunned that I didn't have my usual cutting humor honed in to defend my ilk.The last one that hurt the most was, "Q. What do bassist use for contraception? A.-Their personalities"Needless to say, I'm shocked.I need help, guys!!!
Members bassesofalessergod Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 what do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?a drummer
Members mlwarriner Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 what did the drummer get on his IQ test? drool what do you call a loser who hangs out with a bunch of musicians? drummer how do you know your pizza delivery has arrived? your drummer's on the porch, and the knock keeps speeding up.
Members basshunter Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 How do you know if the stage is level? The drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
Members bnyswonger Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 What do you call a drummer who lost his girlfriend? A: homeless
Members zachoff Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 What do you get when you cross a gorilla with a drummer? A really dumb gorilla.
Members 2manband Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 Q: What's the difference between a chicken crossing the road and a drummer crossing the road? A: The chicken might be on his way to a gig.
Members Bluescout Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 Here's a good site full: http://gimp137.tripod.com/myfun.com/id18.html Here's a few of my favorites: How do you know there's a drummer at the door? Because he doesn't know when to come in. What's the difference between a drummer and Dr. Scholl's foot pads? Dr. Scholl's foot pads buck up the feet. How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door? The knock always slows down. A good one that really gets a drummer's goat is while you're playing , look at him and tap your wrist like you're tapping a watch and saying "TIME!!!". Also, randomly ask a drummer what time it is and immediately say "Ha! I was actually thinking of asking YOU about time!!!"
Members Onkel Bob Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 How many drummers to screw in a lightbulb?Ten. One to actually do the job and the rest to discuss how Steve Gadd would have done it.
Members Emprov Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 How do you get a drummer off of your doorstep? Pay for the pizza.
Members Moody Johnny Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 A scientist did some research in the field of animal behaviour, and decided to run a test with dogs. His research showed that after a certain period of time, the dogs started to assume certain habits from their masters. Thus he filled a room with bones, and examined how different dogs reacted to the sight. First he let an architecht's dog examine the pile of bones. The dog constructed a fine model of a city out of the bones, complete with streets and parks. The scientist was intrigued, and made notes out of the whole process. He reassembled the bones in a huge pile, and let a mathematician's dog loose. After sniffing at the bones the dog split the pile in two identical piles, then split those two piles, and so forth until the room was filled with 64 identical piles, all in a symmetrical order. The scientist was overjoyed, and again scribbled some notes out of the experiment, and reassembled the bones in a single pile. Then he let a drummer's dog examine the bones... Or would have, but the dog showed up two hours late, ate all the bones, {censored}ed the two other dogs, and took the rest of the day off.
Members bigby Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 This should get give you enough ammo: http://gimp137.tripod.com/myfun.com/id18.html
Members Mudbass Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 How do you know your drummer has been to your house? You come home to find beer cans on the lawn, the garbage cans have been raided and your cat is pregnant.
Members Fran da Man Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 Q. Why do bands need roadies? A. To translate for the drummer. Q. How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? A. One - as long as the roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket. Q. What does a drum solo and premature ejaculation have in common? A. You know it's coming and there is nothing you can do about it. Q. Why is a drummer like a skud missile? A. Both are offensive and inaccurate. Q. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? A. Gifted Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine? A. With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once. Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!" Q. How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? A. Seven - one to hold the bulb and six to drink until the room spins. I swiped these from Mike Lull's site.
Members Thumper Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 What do you call a drummer with a pager? An optimist. Why was the singing drummer stuck on the porch? He couldn't find the key or figure out when to come in.
Members Zamfir Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 Originally posted by Bluescout How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door? The knock always slows down. The version I heard says the knock always speeds up.
Members Monkabutt Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 Boy: Mom, I know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be a drummer! Mom: Son, you can't do both.
Members B-Bottom Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 I remember the one drummer in my one band would always try to blow me out with bass player jokes. By the time I was finished with my slew of drummer jokes he looked like a shell of a man. I always found the ones on keeing time the best.
Members bassgirl9 Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 My guitar player is such a dumbass, he keeps losing the keys to the band van. It's not the kind of vehicle you can easily break into either! I mean really, last night it took him almost 4 hours to get the drummer out!
Members SoundwaveLove Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 What do you call a drummer who makes fun of people based on the type of instrument they play? A loser, find some new friends dude.
Members 95thfoot Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 Originally posted by SoundwaveLove What do you call a drummer who makes fun of people based on the type of instrument they play?A loser, find some new friends dude. True. I've seen some drummers, one especially, who try to knock the bassist down so they can get their bassist buddy in the band instead of the guy already in the bass chair. And, given time, and you don't fight back, it can work. People tend to bend towards assholes sometimes.
Members johnny6644 Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 How about, shut the hell up or I'll skull {censored} your dog.
Members Onkel Bob Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 Originally posted by 95thfoot True. I've seen some drummers, one especially, who try to knock the bassist down so they can get their bassist buddy in the band instead of the guy already in the bass chair. And, given time, and you don't fight back, it can work. People tend to bend towards assholes sometimes. ARRGHH!!!! That exact thing happened to me once. It was the percussionist that did it though.
Members 95thfoot Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 Originally posted by Onkel Bob ARRGHH!!!! That exact thing happened to me once. It was the percussionist that did it though. Same here, but with a drummer. The guy was a real asshole, but a brilliant, flashy drummer. He got his buddy in, who was a bigger touch-hole than he was. The two of them were assholes to everybody in the band. By that time, I had gotten married and was in grad school, and not playing music full-time anymore. Both used that outfit as a steppingstone, and soon left. The drummer is still around, suffers from Crohn's disease, is pretty much retired, and told the bandleader, 17 years later, he's very sorry for what he did. Karma's a bitch, I guess.
Members kcrichard Posted February 3, 2006 Members Posted February 3, 2006 Man to Doctor: Doc, I wanna play the bass. Doc: We'll have to remove 1/2 of your brain. Man: That's okay, I really wanna play bass. Doc after surgery: I have some very bad news. We accidentally removed 3/4 of your brain. Man: That's okay, doc. Got any sticks?
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