Members Rowka Posted August 10, 2007 Members Share Posted August 10, 2007 A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous at thepulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to getnervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following noteon the door: 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp. 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior andthe spook. 8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him. 9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't sayhe was stoned off his ass. 10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." 11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this andeat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me". 12) The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry". 13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks forthe grub, Yeah God. 14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not apeter pulling contest at St. Taffy's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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