Members Anesthesia Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 First and foremost, if you aren't going to say something constructive here, {censored} off. Now that we have the pleasantries out of the way, here is the problem. My best friend has an eating disorder. She restricts her eating to the ABSOLUTE minimum and occasionally 'purges' what she does eat. It has lead to a variety of side effects, even her passing out (luckily I was there to catch her) I think she has already taken a giant step in admitting that she has a disorder, (which she realised herself, I didn't try to convince her) but what else can I do to help her? She seems to flip between realising she has one and convincing herself that she doesn't I of course recommended seeing a doctor, but I mean help in a more emotionalphysiological sense. Thanks guys EDIT: In no way is she my girlfriend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ToeJamFootball Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 First and foremost, if you aren't going to say something constructive here, {censored} off. Now that we have the pleasantries out of the way, here is the problem. My best friend has an eating disorder. She restricts her eating to the ABSOLUTE minimum and occasionally 'purges' what she does eat. It has lead to a variety of side effects, even her passing out (luckily I was there to catch her) I think she has already taken a giant step in admitting that she has a disorder, (which she realised herself, I didn't try to convince her) but what else can I do to help her? She seems to flip between realising she has one and convincing herself that she doesn't I of course recommended seeing a doctor, but I mean help in a more emotionalphysiological sense. Thanks guys I think the best thing you can do in the emotional department, is to be there no matter what for her. Sorry to hear this man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rippin' Robin Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 That sucks. BUT. It's good she recognises she has a problem. That's the biggest step. She needs help. The most important thing you can do is BE THERE and make sure she seeks help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lokidecat Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 First and foremost, if you aren't going to say something constructive here, {censored} off.No. I'm not going to {censored} off. I think it's a silly disorder. She will have a ton of health problems that could prove fatal due to what ultimately is a choice she is making. I don't subscribe to the bull{censored} that anorexics doesn't have the power. Put her in your car (or on your bicycle handles depending how old you are) and get her down to a nutritionist/dietitian and get her on an eating plan. If she doesn't eat, punch her in the face. (not literally). But people need to be helped directly not coddled or enabled in any way. The trick is to not make the topic about food or eating, but health and living. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Anesthesia Posted August 16, 2007 Author Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 The trick is to not make the topic about food or eating, but health and living. I try to do this with little success. She keeps saying "But it isn't out of hand yet" and just keeps on not eating. I only found out on Monday that she has it, and to the best of my knowledge I'm the only person that does. What would be the best way to get her to see a specialist? Offer to go with her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rippin' Robin Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 She keeps saying "But it isn't out of hand yet" and just keeps on not eating. Ah. Then she does NOT admit she has a disorder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Anesthesia Posted August 16, 2007 Author Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 Ah. Then she does NOT admit she has a disorder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Perfessor Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 Then she sounds like she also has bulimia, too. It's a real deep rooted problem. Look at how even very successful even rich people get it. All you can do is be suppoertive. Saving her from kidney and dental problem you can't do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rummy Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 The last thing you want her to do is to encourage her too much to eat or seek help. Most of the girls that have eating disorders have psychological issues; often control issues. You can not take that from her. Let her be in charge, and the best you can do is let her know that you're aware of the problem, and that you're there when she needs you. It really is best for her to seek professional help not only from her doctor by also from her psychiatrist. It's really hard being a bystander when someone you know is suffering from eating order. But, it's better to just stay back than making the situtaion worse by making her feel worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bonoman Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 What would be the best way to get her to see a specialist? Offer to go with her? Yes, I think that's really all you can do. You can't make her choices for her, and if she doesn't want to change then nobody can force her to. She's aware that she has a problem even if she's not fully admitting it to herself, so the best thing you can do at this point is be there for her emotionally, and like Loki said, make it about health and living, not food and eating. How old is your friend? I know that this is kind of a skeevy thing to do, but have you considered telling her family? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Anesthesia Posted August 16, 2007 Author Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 How old is your friend? I know that this is kind of a skeevy thing to do, but have you considered telling her family? She is slightly younger than me (I'm 16). I would never tell her parents because that would be breaking her trust. She trusts me enough to tell me her most serious issues and I am not going to violate her trust. (you may say I have already by posting on an internet forum, but this is anonymous, and trust me...this ain't the half of it) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bonoman Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 She is slightly younger than me (I'm 16). I would never tell her parents because that would be breaking her trust. She trusts me enough to tell me her most serious issues and I am not going to violate her trust. (you may say I have already by posting on an internet forum, but this is anonymous) I get that; that's why I said it was kind of a skeevy thing to do. However, if you're truly concerned about her you might have to keep this option open if things start getting really out of hand. She told you for a reason, most likely as a cry for help. Sometimes you have to make those really hard choices when you care about a person. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members illidian Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 An extremely close friend of mine had (still very much struggles with it today, so maybe "has" is a better word, though she is getting much much better) this issue as well. With my friend, her family knew. But that was it. Even her best friend she wouldn't dream of telling (and wouldn't admit to her about it until about five months after she told me and had quite a few too many to drink). At the time I found out, we weren't close. We were at best, casual friends. When we'd see each other, it was by coincidence. But like ToeJam said, I felt that the best thing I could do was be there for her. I knew her enough to know that pushing her wasn't going to make things better - at best, it would trade one problem for another; where at worst it would add many more problems while solving nothing - so I was just there for her. I didn't ask about this, I didn't push it. But ever since having that conversation, I wanted her to know that I cared about her. We talked, a lot, and every day. Like I said, not about this - it came up every so often (and only when she was ready, unless I knew something had happened) - but about everything. As a result, the two of us are extremely close, but more importantly, she has gotten (and still is getting) better. If you'd like me to share more, something more specific, etc. just let me know. Parts of the story I'd prefer to either PM or e-mail, not post on a public forum. If you think it'd make a positive impact, whether with you or her (or both), please don't hesitate to ask. I'm willing to share her story with you if it will help you and your friend. Your best friend needs your support. You've gotta trust in yourself, that what you do is right, in this situation. Keep her best interests in mind, always. That's the most you can do, that's the best you can do. Do what you trust is right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rpsands Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 Get out of the 16-year-old mindset of "keeping confidence" or whatever that bull{censored} is. How would you feel if you didn't tell her family and she dies or becomes infertile or brain damaged, or her bones waste away? You need to do the right freaking thing and tell her family. Now. If you're uncomfortable with that, tell your parents and let them do it. You are being extremely selfish by "keeping her secret" - your desire to maintain her friendship and avoid feeling guilty about betraying her is superceding your desire for her wellbeing. Anorexia is not screwing around business. It can kill you and also ruin your body long-term. Look it up and look up the consequences. Then tell her family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members guitargod0dmw Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 She is in denial. She needs to get help, but the only way that it will actually help is if she wants it. There is no helping a person that doesn't care or doesn't want the help...trust me I have been there before! She needs to find out why he has this problem in the first place. It's usually a self esteem/body image thing. You need to be supportive in every way that you can be. If she doesn't feel good about herself, it could get much worse. A very close friend on mine has bulimia. She isn;t happy with her body image, even though she's smoking hot. I just don't understand it personally. She'll eat a copious amount of food and then go to the bathroom afterwards. I've learned that we'll go for a walk after dinner, and by the time we get back it's too late to purge. Eating healthy food is also a good choice. She has gotten much better, but still struggles with it. No matter what anyone says, it's a lifelong thing that will always be there to haunt her. She has gotten counseling, and said that it helped her very much. This time of year is the worst, because she sees chicks in bikinis and thinks she doesn't look like them...and she doesn't...she looks 10 times better! Her stomach is messed up because of it, so she frequently vomits (not on purpose) and generally just feels {censored}ty. Last I knew, she still does it occasionally, but not like it was...3 times or more per day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Captain Fathead Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 I agree with what's posted. I've had friends who've struggled with eating disorders. It's not easy. Best thing you can do is sit down with her and her folks and talk it out. Don't go behind her back. It won't be easy if she still isn't admitting it's a real problem, and she will probably be pissed at you for a while. In the long haul, she'll thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rpsands Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 Let me qualify my statements btw: If you were an adult and your friend was an adult, I'd suggest you ask your conscience before telling her parents - privacy is more of an issue as an adult. Kids with serious medical issues like this just isn't the same. Fathead brings up a good point, which is that you can try to sit down with her and her folks, but honestly I think it'd be very awkward to do that. Your best bet would be to talk to your parents and see what they say, then go from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Svi Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 She is slightly younger than me (I'm 16). I would never tell her parents because that would be breaking her trust. She trusts me enough to tell me her most serious issues and I am not going to violate her trust. (you may say I have already by posting on an internet forum, but this is anonymous, and trust me...this ain't the half of it) You don't think her parents know? If it's bad, they probably do know. I would almost bet they know, but they might be in denial. If they do know, you might be able to do an intervention. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members picker13 Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 Hey, this is serious. She needs INTENSIVE therapy and counseling to change how she views herself. Until then, she won't change her behavior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Kindness Posted August 16, 2007 Moderators Share Posted August 16, 2007 I keep wanting to reply to this thread, but I'm having a hard time. I know more about this than I ever wanted to, but I don't have any solutions that work. Everything I tried with my wife failed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members justinbass Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 I don't know what to say either. I am close to someone that went to the hospital twice and almost died both times, and she still doesn't eat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Thumper Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 At least she's talking to you about it. she needs help, and needs it soon. Teens are in their developmental years, and damage done is not easily mended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dark Slide Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 Does she really have anorexia, or does she just not eat? There is a difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members guitargod0dmw Posted August 16, 2007 Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 To add a little humor... Maybe she can get this guys help... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Anesthesia Posted August 16, 2007 Author Members Share Posted August 16, 2007 *Fatguy* Thanks for that man....made me smile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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