A question for those of you with kids...

[willsellout]

How many of you did the whole "cry it out" method? The wife and I have been battling our daughters tendency to wake several times in the middle of the night and scream for a couple weeks now and it's come to the point as of last night where we are just letting her cry herself to sleep. It's been a miserable two weeks thus far with neither of us getting much sleep. How many of you have done this and been successful?

We have read up on it and tried the more gentler approaches but it isn't working for us. Last night she was up at 1am and screaming. My wife rocked her to sleep and put her back in the crib and she immediately woke up screaming. She gave up and let her cry and went in every 10 or so minutes trying to lay her down and put her back to sleep but it made things worse. We finally said {censored} it and let her cry herself to sleep. It took about an hour and she slept till about 8 this morning. Toonight if she wakes up we are going to go in once to lay her back down but after that it's going to be up to her to put herself to sleep, which she has done on many an occasion. Me and the wife are about as frustrated as two people can get at this point and looking for any advice we can get. So far all of our friends with kids just said; "yup, it's miserable, just let them cry until they fall asleep".

 

 

 

 

Dan

[Death Hands]

With a lead-filled.

 

Leaaadddd.

Filled.

Lead-filled snow-shoe.

[Funkee1]

PM sent!

[Fran da Man]

Do you have a night light on?

One of those windup music kinda toys/boxes played muffled in the background tends to soothe the tiny ones.

[Emprov]

Your post made me laugh, sorry.

 

Been there, done that. One night, at around 4 AM, after my daughter had been up all night crying, and I was incredibly sleep deprived, I glanced at the window and realized that, if I just threw her though it, (glass and all), it would all be over. I would sleep much better and all of my problems would be solved. I entertained that thought while facing the window for a while before coming to the realization that I would be in prison for a long, long time if I threw her out. The threat of prison actually saved my daughters life, that's how bad things were.

 

I have a buddy who used to trade shifts with his wife, each walking with their son for an hour and a half while the other slept. Their son wouldn't sleep unless he was being carried while walking. Sit down and he'd scream like there was no tomorrow. Letting him cry it out wasn't an option. Every kid's different, just find a happy (ok, bad word) medium of letting her cry and carrying here -- what ever it takes to let you guys get some sleep. I know you've heard this a lot but it does get better. Hang in there bro.

[willsellout]

Your post made me laugh, sorry. Been there, done that. One night, at around 4 AM, after my daughter had been up all night crying, and I was incredibly sleep deprived, I glanced at the window and realized that, if I just threw her though it, (glass and all), it would all be over. I would sleep much better and all of my problems would be solved. I entertained that thought while facing the window for a while before coming to the realization that I would be in prison for a long, long time if I threw her out. The threat of prison actually saved my daughters life, that's how bad things were. I have a buddy who used to trade shifts with his wife, each walking with their son for an hour and a half while the other slept. Their son wouldn't sleep unless he was being carried while walking. Sit down and he'd scream like there was no tomorrow. Letting him cry it out wasn't an option. Every kid's different, just find a happy (ok, bad word) medium of letting her cry and carrying here -- what ever it takes to let you guys get some sleep. I know you've heard this a lot but it does get better. Hang in there bro.

 

Yeah well the thought that is the only kid were going to have helps:D. Yeah last night we just shut the door to her room and to ours and let her be. It wasn't loud or annoying. Neither of us could sleep, but it didn't make us insane either. Me an my wife are both done "baby-ing" her really. She slept in our room and in our bed a bit for the first 10 months of life and now it's time for us to have some peace. Funny thing is the first week we put her in her own room she slept through the night. The cause of this I think was a growth spurt cause she was exhausted. Then the second week came(this week) and she is waking up three times a night. Whatever, she's going to learn to put herself to sleep..no other way around it.

 

 

Dan

[RIC N BACKER]

it really sucks when they are at that stage.

we have 2 kids and my wife did most of the holding /walking bull{censored} as they sometimes cried more if I held them. this will past, it will test your emotional welbeing but it will pass

 

my kids are now 11 and 14 and that stuff is a vague memory. what seems like a no light at the end of the tunnel, at the end of your rope situation, it will pass. be strong and hang in there.

 

I wish I was more help to my wife during that time. I couldnt handle that crying stuff, it was very frustrating. if you arent much help with consoling the children , change that, she will really appriciate it

[willsellout]

 

it really sucks when they are at that stage. we have 2 kids and my wife did most of the holding /walking bull{censored} as they sometimes cried more if I held them. this will past, it will test your emotional welbeing but it will pass my kids are now 11 and 14 and that stuff is a vague memory. what seems like a no light at the end of the tunnel, at the end of your rope situation, it will pass. be strong and hang in there. I wish I was more help to my wife during that time. I couldnt handle that crying stuff, it was very frustrating. if you arent much help with consoling the children , change that, she will really appriciate it

 

 

Guys aren't really good at the crying baby thing from everyone I talk to. I don't think it's in our genes personally. But I can take over if my wife gets overwhelmed.

 

 

Dan

[james on bass]

We did that with both of our daughters. It was really tough for my wife to "ignore" them and let them cry it out, but it really was the only way. You have to realize (and we parents do deep down) that they are not in any harm or liable to harbour resentment against us their entire life. They will quickly learn to sooth themselves and go back to sleep.

 

With our second, our neighbors just happened to have a fire going outside the night my wife finally decided enough was enough. We stayed outside (with the baby monitor on low) and waited it out. It took quite awhile, but it only took one night. Never had an issue again after that first night.

[rikshaw]

 

We did that with both of our daughters. It was really tough for my wife to "ignore" them and let them cry it out, but it really was the only way. You have to realize (and we parents do deep down) that they are not in any harm or liable to harbour resentment against us their entire life. They will quickly learn to sooth themselves and go back to sleep.

 

 

yup! thats what we did. it wasn't always easy but thats what you gotta do!

in a month you wont even remember this

[Emprov]

Guys aren't really good at the crying baby thing from everyone I talk to. I don't think it's in our genes personally.

Yathink?

 

Wait until you put her in her "big girl" bed...when she realizes that she can get up anytime she wants. Fun times! #2 for us was fantastic in these areas. We honestly didn't realize at the time how bad we had it with #1, we just thought that we sucked as parents.

[lug]

I made mine get night shift jobs so they would cry somewhere else!

[Dark Slide]

Have to do it from time to time now. Generally if he is crying when he should be sleeping, I go in to check and make sure he is ok, give me a kiss and go back to bed or whatever I was doing (assuming it was a nap).

[Roguetitan]

Constantly coddling a Child and picking it up every time it starts to cry is not a good thing. the child associates crying with being able to get their way

doing this also spoils the chils rotten.

most of the time it is best to just let them wail eventually they will get the hint that they are being ignored.

 

my son slept in his own room from the time he was brought home from the hospital and he has never slept in between my wife and I.

we never had any trouble with him sleeping through the night. We never walked the floor with him late nights unless he was sick.

 

 

Do not get into the habbit of letting your child sleep in your bed either otherwise you will have to break bad habbits years down the road.

Even when your child comes to your room scared and wants to sleep between you and mommy take him/her back to their bed room assurethe child you are protecting them and tuck them in.

 

you can thank me later:cool:

[Kindness]

 

Constantly coddling a Child and picking it up every time it starts to cry is not a good thing. the child associates crying with being able to get their way doing this also spoils the chils rotten. most of the time it is best to just let them wail eventually they will get the hint that they are being ignored. my son slept in his own room from the time he was brought home from the hospital and he has never slept in between my wife and I. we never had any trouble with him sleeping through the night. We never walked the floor with him late nights unless he was sick. Do not get into the habbit of letting your child sleep in your bed either otherwise you will have to break bad habbits years down the road. Even when your child comes to your room scared and wants to sleep between you and mommy take him/her back to their bed room assurethe child you are protecting them and tuck them in. you can thank me later:cool:

 

 

I'm not fully on board with the first paragraph, there is something I can't identify that I don't like. Every other sentence in the post if exactly what I believe, what I've done and what my experiences have been.

[Roguetitan]

 

I'm not fully on board with the first paragraph, there is something I can't identify that I don't like. Every other sentence in the post if exactly what I believe, what I've done and what my experiences have been.

 

 

that is my observation between how we handled our child compaired to others who coddled their child every time it cryed.

 

sometimes you have to let them cry if you do not they quickly find out that that is their way of controling you.

have you ever seen a child throw a fit until they got their way?....

theres your proof.

 

when my kid cryed it meant that he was either hungry, sleepy, had poopy diapers, or was sick. most of the time my kid was smiling and laughing, he was a happy baby. Thank God!

He did however learn the little crying to get your way bit from the other spoiled rotten children from his daycare;

he did try the crying bit on us to try to get his way however he quickly found out it did not work with us.

[RIC N BACKER]

 

I'm not fully on board with the first paragraph, there is something I can't identify that I don't like. Every other sentence in the post if exactly what I believe, what I've done and what my experiences have been.

 

 

Me either but I know what he means.

 

we let ours cry as much as possible, or as much as we could take, thats usually more the case. as a caring parent you have to check on your kids if there is excessive crying. once we let our first cry for a little while and he wouldnt stop. I peeked through the door and his leg was stuck in the rungs of the crib......you cant always let them cry it out...

in general if you coddle the kid and run for its every whimper you'll end up with a woe is me kid and they will whine forever.

 

my parents loved me but I am sure I wasnt coddled.....

[Jazz Ad]

Letting them cry to sleep is the good old fashioned way but it's far from being the best. I did that too with my son and wish I hadn't. It's actually this method that leads to insecure, whimpy children.

The best way is to let them sleep with you, between the parents. Everybody will have a good night, no cries, no drama.

[lyricpoet]

Letting them cry to sleep is the good old fashioned way but it's far from being the best. I did that too with my son and wish I hadn't. It's actually this method that leads to insecure, whimpy children. The best way is to let them sleep with you, between the parents. Everybody will have a good night, no cries, no drama.

 

You are either joking and forgot to put in the smilies or are INSANE!

 

But my kid never cried at night, or it was rare. Slept like a log. I think it was rubbing his gums with vodka that helped a bit (my grandmother did that to my mom back in the 1930s ).

[juicyg]

Oh my goodness. I can't finish reading these posts because I'm about to get sick, you guys!!

 

I know how tiring it can be to deal with a baby who isn't sleeping. It has taken my 2yo 2 years to sleep through the night.

 

If she's crying, she NEEDS you. She is too young to be manipulative or conniving. What if she's in pain (teething, tummy?). If she's hurting, you're going to ditch her and teach her that she will not be comforted when she needs you.

 

Please reconsider forcing her to cry it out. It doesn't serve the purpose for which you are searching. It will only lead you down an even rougher road, a roller coaster ride of unfulfilled expectations because she is a baby who still depends on mom and dad for comfort (even though mom and dad are understandably tired and frustrated). Even if the cry-it-out method appears to "work" temporarily, a few days or weeks down the road, she'll be crying again, and you'll be going, "WTH? Didn't we 'fix' this?"

 

She needs to be near you, comforted by you. Forcing her into some quasi state of perceived independence will not work.

 

Please take a moment to read these links, and I recommend any and all of the Dr. Sears books, anything by Harvey Karp, and the No Cry Sleep Solution (there's one for toddlers as well).

 

This is an ongoing sleep study at Notre Dame:

 

http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/longterm.html

What are the long term effects on my baby of sharing a bed?

 

While advocates of solitary infant sleeping arrangements have claimed any number of benefits of infant sleeping alone, the truth o the matter is, none of these supposed benefits have been shown to be true through scientific studies. The great irony is that, not only have benefits of solitary infant sleep NOT be demonstrated - simply assumed to be true, but recent studies are beginning to show the opposite that is, it is not, for example, solitary sleeping arrangements that produce strong independence, social competence, feeling of high self esteem,good comportment by children in school, ability to handle stress, strong gender or sex identities - but it is social or cosleeping patterns that might, indeed, contribute to the emergence of these characteristics. Consider, for example:

 

* Heron's (1) recent cross-sectional study of middle class English children shows that amongst the children who "never" slept in their parents bed there was a trend to be harder to control, less happy, exhibit a greater number of tantrums. Moreover, he found that those children who never were permitted to bed-share were actually more fearful than children who always slept in their parents bed, for all of the night (1).

 

* In a survey of adult college age subjects, Lewis and Janda (2) report that males who coslept with their parents between birth and five years of age had significantly higher self-esteem, experienced less guilt and anxiety, and reported greater frequency of sex. Boys who coslept between 6 and 11 years of age also had higher self-esteem. For women, cosleeping during childhood was associated with less discomfort about physical contact and affection as adults. (While these traits may be confounded by parental attitudes, such findings are clearly inconsistent with the folk belief that cosleeping has detrimental long-term effects on psycho-social development.

 

* Crawford (3) found that women who coslept as children had higher self esteem than those who did not. Indeed, cosleeping appears to promote confidence, self-esteem, and intimacy, possibly by reflecting an attitude of parental acceptance (Lewis and Janda 1988).

 

* A study of parents of 86 children in clinics of pediatrics and child psychiatry (ages 2-13 years) on military bases (offspring of military personnel) revealed that cosleeping children received higher evaluations of their comportment from their teachers than did solitary sleeping children, and they were underrepresented in psychiatric populations compared with children who did not cosleep. The authors state: "Contrary to expectations, those children who had not had previous professional attention for emotional or behavioral problems coslept more frequently than did children who were known to have had psychiatric intervention, and lower parental ratings of adaptive functioning. The same finding occurred in a sample of boys one might consider "Oedipal victors" (e.g. 3 year old and older boys who sleep with their mothers in the absence of their fathers)--a finding which directly opposes traditional analytic thought" (4).

 

* Again, in England Heron (1) found that it was the solitary sleeping children who were harder to handle (as reported by their parents) and who dealt less well with stress, and who were rated as being more (not less) dependent on their parents than were the cosleepers!

 

* And in the largest and possible most systematic study to date, conducted on five different ethnic groups from both Chicago and New York involving over 1,400 subjects Mosenkis (5) found far more positive adult outcomes for individuals who coslept as a child, among almost all ethnic groups (African Americans and Puerto Ricans in New York, Puerto Ricans,, Dominicans, and Mexicans in Chicago ) than there were negative findings. An especially robust finding which cut across all the ethnic groups included in the study was that cosleepers exhibited a feeling of satisfaction with life,.

 

But Mosenkis's main finding went beyond trying to determine easy causal links between sleeping arrangements and adult characteristics or experiences. Perhaps his most important finding was that the interpretation of "outcome" of cosleeping had to be understood within the context specific to each cultural milieu, and within the context of the nature of social relationships the child has with its family members! For the most part,s, therefore, it is probably true that neither social sleep (cosleeping) or solitary sleep as a child correlates with anything in any simple or direct way. Rather, sleeping arrangements can enhance or exacerbate the kind of relationships that characterize the child's daytime relationships and that, therefore, no one "function' can be associated with sleeping arrangements. Rather than assuming that sleeping arrangement produces a particular "type" person it is probably more accurate to think of sleeping arrangements as part of a larger system of affection and that it is altogether this larger system of attachment relationships, interacting with the child's own special characteristics that produces adult characteristics.

 

References Cited

 

1. Heron P. Nonreactive CO-sleeping and Child Behavior: Getting a Good Night's Sleep All Night Every Night. Masters Thesis, University of Bristol, Bristol, United Kingdom , 1994.

 

2. Crawford, M. Parenting practices in the Basque country: Implications of infant and childhood sleeping location for personality development. Ethos 1994, 22;1:42- 82.

 

3. Lewis RJ, LH Janda. The relationship between adult sexual adjustment and childhood experience regarding exposure to nudity, sleeping in the parental bed, and parental attitudes toward sexuality. Arch Sex Beh 1988; 17:349-363.. Crawford, M. Parenting practices in the Basque country: Implications of infant and childhood sleeping location for personality development.

 

4.. Forbes JF, Weiss DS, Folen RA. The CO-sleeping habits of military children. Military Medicine 1992; 157:196-200.

 

5. Mosenkis, J The Effects of Childhood Cosleeping On Later Life Development 1998.

Masters Thesis. University of Chicago. Department of Human Development

James McKenna

 

 

http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/advantages.html

 

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/faqs/faq043.asp

 

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

 

http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/familybed.html

 

http://64.233.167.104/custom?q=cache:Nwg5EZu2PNsJ:www.naturalchild.org/james_mckenna/cosleeping.pdf+sleep&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=2&gl=us&client=google-coop-np

 

I could go on and on, but feel free to google it on your own. You won't find any solid evidence anywhere that says it's good to let your child cry it out.

 

Again, I know how hard it is, but usually, it's the difficult journey that is the most rewarding. I am finally reaping some benefits of 2 years worth of all-nighters. And it was worth it to follow their lead.

 

Good luck,

Julie

[Funkee1]

Yeah well the thought that is the only kid were going to have helps:D. Dan

 

MANY fathers of two or more hqave uttered this SAME sentence at your stage.

 

 

Hell, I said it after the first kid!!!

I bet EVEN LUG said it after the first one!

[HumptyThumpty]

I have to give all the credit to my wife, but we got through this pretty easy compared to some. She put a twin bed in the babies room with the crib. When she cried my wife would check on her try to calm her and get back in bed. The baby knew she was there and my wife knew there was nothing wrong physically to make her cry, it calmed both of them down. She had her sleeping most of the way through the night within two weeks.

[Mudbass]

 

I could go on and on, but feel free to google it on your own. You won't find any solid evidence anywhere that says it's good to let your child cry it out. Good luck, Julie

 

 

There's no solid evidence that spanking is good for the child either, except that it works. And no offense, but you've spent 2 years worth of all-nighters so your method ain't working so hot. All the articles, studies and books by these "experts" has gotten you is a couple of years of sleepless nights.

 

What if the baby is in pain? What if she has her head stuck in the crib? What if there's a snake in her bed? What if Iraqi terrorists are kidnapping her at knife point? Mothers, God bless, them are worriers. This is why every kid needs a father. To tell doting moms to relax, take a breath, chill out and go back to sleep.

[Kindness]

 

And no offense, but you've spent 2 years worth of all-nighters so your method ain't working so hot. All the articles, studies and books by these "experts" has gotten you is a couple of years of sleepless nights.

 

 

So true.

[Dark Slide]

I like to let my boy know that I am there, by going in and giving him a kiss, giving him his stuffed animal, etc... but I don't usually pick him up unless it continues for a while and I think there might be something wrong. Generally that does not happen and he falls back asleep rather quickly.

 

I don't like the idea of not going in at all. I want him to know that I am there, but I don't want him to depend on me to fall back asleep.