Members Funkee1 Posted October 1, 2007 Members Share Posted October 1, 2007 (sigh) I have talked a little about my ex insisting on supervised visitation, despite the court order. I continue to "play nice" because I don't want to traumatize the girls any more than they already are, but she is clearly poisoning them against me. As much as I hate to do it, I am gonna have to fight fire with fire. She just sent me a series of e-mails, allegedly from my eldest daughter, asking me to do things like go to therapy (Unnecessary), and stop acting like her friend, and be Daddy. It's all a bnunch of BS!!! She doesn't let me see those girls often enough. They don't know me very well, anymore, and believe a lot of crap about me that isn't true, and Goddammitt, I let it happen!!! Well, tomorrow, I will be contacting the court and letting them know of her failure to comply with the court order!!! The gloves are coming off! Before anyone says anything, I called today, and the court officer is only available Monday thru Friday. If I felt the kids were being abused, I could call the toll- Free number, but soime kids who are being abused might not be able to get through, so I'll wait. It drives me nuts how she uses the girls against me. I have felt trapped by this situation for a long time. Nothing I can do will make things better, but now, I'm out of options. I have to play the one trump card I have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ender_rpm Posted October 1, 2007 Members Share Posted October 1, 2007 Wow, sorry man. Good thoughts and such headed your way. Hope it all works out ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Funkee1 Posted October 1, 2007 Author Members Share Posted October 1, 2007 Wow, sorry man. Good thoughts and such headed your way. Hope it all works out ok. Thanks! It causes me endless grief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Kindness Posted October 1, 2007 Moderators Share Posted October 1, 2007 Is your ex insisting that your parenting time with your daughters be supervised? If so, what is her justification? And do you have a court order that says your parenting time is unrestricted? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jazz Ad Posted October 1, 2007 Members Share Posted October 1, 2007 Meka sure you keep a copy of everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members basste Posted October 1, 2007 Members Share Posted October 1, 2007 Sorry for you.. When you say "fire against fire", don't play you ex game. Plays the court card and simply explain to your girls, without trashing your ex, that she only says bull{censored} about you, and propose you girls to judge you by themselves, and not by their mother's mouth. It will not increase trauma, and they will feel it through your good dad acting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members PiotreX Posted October 1, 2007 Members Share Posted October 1, 2007 Sorry for you.. When you say "fire against fire", don't play you ex game. Plays the court card and simply explain to your girls, without trashing your ex, that she only says bull{censored} about you, and propose you girls to judge you by themselves, and not by their mother's mouth. It will not increase trauma, and they will feel it through your good dad acting. +1 Cheer up mate, all will work out. Be daddy, not the friend that's sayin bad things about mummy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ec437 Posted October 1, 2007 Members Share Posted October 1, 2007 Sorry for you.. When you say "fire against fire", don't play you ex game. Plays the court card and simply explain to your girls, without trashing your ex, that she only says bull{censored} about you, and propose you girls to judge you by themselves, and not by their mother's mouth. It will not increase trauma, and they will feel it through your good dad acting. +1 I think you should have used the court order long ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members M-1 Fan Posted October 1, 2007 Members Share Posted October 1, 2007 Your ex has the trump card basically because she is the mother. She can drag your ass through the dirt and make you look real bad to your daughters. She'll try to limit your visitation because she doesn't want the daughters to find out that you really aren't that bad of a father. You are in a lose/lose situation because if you raise a stink and fight with your ex over the daughters it WILL make you look bad. You're in a tough situation dude. Getting the court involved is probably your best bet. Keep the arguments and fighting between you and your ex separate from your relationship with your daughters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Perfessor Posted October 1, 2007 Members Share Posted October 1, 2007 I know a guy who's ex wife kept dragging him through court. It would cost each around $4000 in lawyers and each time they left the court room everything looked the same. The ex wife's lawyer just kept up drumbeat to get himself business. Well one day after a court struggle that amounted to nothing the ex wife came to his house and just went crazy. She was yelling and screaming and swinging at the guy. He called 911 and while she was there he talked with the dispatcher and held his cell phone out so it would get recorded. He then had enough and punched her. She fell back and slid down a wall. He was arrested and released after the 911 tape revealed she was the aggressor. She's been nice as pie ever since. Sweet natured, etc. The guys relatives told him he should have done it long ago and they wouldn't have had all those fights! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMS Author Craig Vecchione Posted October 1, 2007 CMS Author Share Posted October 1, 2007 You should check with your lawyer to be sure it's okay for you to be posting this stuff. I have NO idea if this leaves you open to trouble, but considering all things, it's worth asking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WynnD Posted October 1, 2007 Members Share Posted October 1, 2007 Don't ever discuss your ex with your kids. Let her problem be her problem. Use your time with your kids wisely. It is your only parenting time. The kids will see any poisoning by your ex for what it is. (Might take time, but you will come out smelling better if you keep the kids totally out of the fight.) One of these days, the kids will be old enough to decide for themselves where to live and who to see. Work only for that day. They don't stay small very long and after being divorced from my Son's Mother for 27 years, he lives near me and I see him and his Wife nearly weekly. She sees him once or twice a year. I may have been lucky that my ex didn't seem to be spending much time on hating me. She wasn't a bad mother and with the exception of being concerned about a four year old being introduced to the game of pool. (She thought I was taking him to the bars that I played in. I was taking him to the university's student union at the school I was attending.) By the way, counseling helped me. (But I was looking for help. It will never help anyone who isn't looking for help.) Good luck and make your choices for the long term. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Funkee1 Posted October 1, 2007 Author Members Share Posted October 1, 2007 You should check with your lawyer to be sure it's okay for you to be posting this stuff. I have NO idea if this leaves you open to trouble, but considering all things, it's worth asking. Good idea. I haven't said any specifics, and I am anonymous, to an extent, so maybe that will work in my favor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members takeout Posted October 1, 2007 Members Share Posted October 1, 2007 Fight the good fight, Mark. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flatcat Posted October 1, 2007 Members Share Posted October 1, 2007 I hate hearing about this crap. It makes me so sad. I just wish you and your girls peace, bassgeek. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members chunky-b Posted October 1, 2007 Members Share Posted October 1, 2007 BG, I feel for you. I have full custody of my daughters and it was not an easy fight. So I know where you are coming from. I had to swallow alot of stuff I did not like, but like someone said above, I played the courts game and won my fight by proving myself to the judge, not to my ex. Good fatherly mojo being sent your way.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members The Real MC Posted October 1, 2007 Members Share Posted October 1, 2007 This crap makes me angry. These alienation tactics are being used by more and more mothers to poison the kids against daddy so that mommy can maximize the free lifetime meal ticket oops I meant child support. The ex will try to provoke you into doing things you will regret or will twist your innocent actions to fit the definition of abuse or neglect. Tread carefully and no matter what happens, control your impulses and keep a cool level head. I was the goody two shoes but my ex tried to twist my innocent actions to fit the definition of assault, all the authorities told her she did not have a case. The more child support she can squeeze from a stone, the less you will have to pay your lawyer and defend yourself. This happened to a buddy of mine, she milked the maximum from him and he couldn't afford a lawyer to defend him. It is a vindictive cruel game and the system is rigged against men. I have no interest in marrying or raising children until there is some serious reform in the divorce/family court system. Being a husband/father is a dangerous occupation and too many women are marrying for the entitlement and not for the relationship. Small wonder so many men have gone on marriage or relationship strike. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bassgirl9 Posted October 1, 2007 Members Share Posted October 1, 2007 Your Ex wife is way out of line. Everytime she slams you, she slams her kids. They are half you. They are not all hers and you just happened to be around when they were growing up for a bit. Your kids will know this. Maybe not right now, but they'll figure it out. If she wont let you see them, get the court order to see them. Send letters, emails, video mail- whatever you need to to stay in contact with your kids. Go to therapy if your daughter wants you to. Who knows it can only help and guess what, it's more time with your kids. Heck, she may need it instead of you (thanks to mommy dearest) and you can get a professional's opinion (to prove to your wife) whether or not your being a good dad and you can probably use it in court too. Whatever you do, dont give up on trying to see your kids. Giving up translates as "well, dad doesn't love us, I guess" It might be hard on them, but it's harder not growing up with a Dad. Not knowing your Dad leaves you at a loss for who you are. It changes your perception on how to have a good relationship with men in general. Your kids need you. Whether your wife likes it or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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