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OT (RANT): Anyone lose their friends to marriage?


Joey Joe Joe

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Times change. People grow in a different direction have different priorities.

 

This is nothing new. Whole movie genres and sitcoms center around this very problem.

 

Also, I said a long time ago that I'd never get married and have kids. Ever!

 

Been married now 17 years with a 14 year old son....:freak:

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*raises hand*

 

Not married. Not in any hurry to be. Not necessarily "shunned", but my friends and relatives who are married live a life that is sometimes completely alien to me. Our guitarist is married with his FOURTH kid on the way. :eek:

 

I can't imagine. That's way too many people under one roof.

 

Of course, I've never been a huge "party" guy, but there is a huge difference between single and married life (obviously) with pros and cons for both...

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yup, but the other way around. I was the first to get married and the first to have kids and no one wanted to hang with me once I became a "wife" or a "mama" I guess my conversations became quite boring to them.

 

Can't imagine you could EVER be boring. I mean, I'd sit in rapt attention listening to you read the phone book.....:love: You're Eve Hell for God's sake!!!

 

I'm just saying...

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I'm with ya JJJ. Although married, we have no kids. But as all our friends grew families, seeing them slowed down to never.

It's pretty frustrating.

Nowadays, we're hanging out with people that are older than us with teenagers who don't need babysitting, so they can do things with us regularly. It's nice. :)

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Can't imagine you could EVER be boring. I mean, I'd sit in rapt attention listening to you read the phone book.....
:love:
You're Eve Hell for God's sake!!!


I'm just saying...

 

*blushes*

Well, girls who like to talk about their cats and what happened on Oprah last week find my conversations pretty obnoxious. lol.

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Times change. People grow in a different direction have different priorities.


This is nothing new. Whole movie genres and sitcoms center around this very problem.


Also, I said a long time ago that I'd never get married and have kids. Ever!


Been married now 17 years with a 14 year old son....
:freak:

 

+1. Lives change, and some of this was bound to happen regardless of marriage/kids.

 

Find some new friends...perhaps start by buying booze for High School kids.

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It even goes farther then that.

We didn't have kids till much later. All our friends had them soon in their marriage. That alone separated us from our social group. We hang with those that are alike us I guess, age, race, status, cultural, religious, etc.

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Welcome to life brother....

 

You know, it's funny... I actually have a close friend who got married, and I think we actually got closer and hung out more after he got married... and then even MORE after he had a kid.... it was more of a schedule thing..... his wife worked evenings, so he stayed home with the kid, and we'd hang out after he put his kid to bed.

 

Ironically, I just got married, and now he hangs out more with my single friends then he does me....

 

Figure THAT one out.

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Believe it or not, your married friends probably miss hanging out as well. I know I miss some of my friends. When you get married you get busy, when you have a kid you get busier. I certainly miss my "old" life but nothing compares to the one I have now.

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Believe it or not, your married friends probably miss hanging out as well. I know I miss some of my friends. When you get married you get busy, when you have a kid you get busier. I certainly miss my "old" life but nothing compares to the one I have now.

 

 

Exactly, but that doesn't mean one life has to (or should) replace the other...the key is to find the right balance.

 

I think the OP's hope of "getting everyone together for a good time" again is unrealistic...even if it is just once or twice a year.

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Some friends I talk to more now that we have kids in common, some that are still single I see less. All in all, my group of friends seem to party and get together a lot even though most are married. We go out about once a month or so. I don't mind, though. Your idea of whats fun changes once you have a kid. Its nice to go out and party, but its just as much fun to stay in and play with my baby girl.

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It even goes farther then that.

We didn't have kids till much later. All our friends had them soon in their marriage. That alone separated us from our social group. We hang with those that are alike us I guess, age, race, status, cultural, religious, etc.

 

 

Agree with that. If your buddies have moved from gigging party hound musicans to responsible husbands and fathers and the wives has moved from show-us-your-boobies groupies to volvo driving socker moms, the common thread of those situational friendships will be gone. We swim with the fish most like us, right?

 

Also, friendships require time. When you get married you have less time for your friends, and after kids even less.

 

Let me tell you my sad tale.

 

When I got married my wife was a bit of a stick in the mud, and it got worse after we had kids. She did not like going out, her idea of the perfect evening was pizza and wine and a movie on the couch after the kids went to bed. OK, but there is a whole world out there being missed! She had a hard time with me even staying late at work, aside going out with my buddies, and playing gigs. I played with a band with a very low level of commitment because she had a hard time with me being out to gig.

 

So over 20 years I withdrew into my family, spent all my time with her and the kids. There are other issues here too, I was a prick to live with and she was expecting me to make her happy. We are resolving that stuff now, BUt now the kids are older, and more independent, she is doing a lot of stuff on her own (a lot of martial arts, which is her thing) and has developed a lot of new friendships. She decided I was not responsible for her happiness, she was.

 

So now SHE is out with her friends and I am home alone! WTF happened?

 

The morrow of the story is that you (or perhaps your buddies) NEED to keep some of that old network alive, because some day the situation will change and you may end up by yourself.

 

So fight the good fight with your buddies, get together for a beer or to see a band for a set or something like that. Keep it low key and fun. Believe me, they will thank you !

 

cheers!

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About a year and a half go, i started dating my current girlfriend. My best friend and roommate started getting a little irritable and jealous. He'd not dated much since his divorce and was feeling a little lonely I guess.

 

So a few months of that, he went on vacation to visit his brother back in Ohio. While there, he was introduced to his brother's wife's best friend Nicole.

 

Now they hung out for like 4-5 days and stuff.

 

Then he came back to Oregon and started calling her every day. Talking for hours. Racking up over 3000 minute a month on his cell phone (unlimited favorite five via tmobile).

 

She comes and visits like 3 months and 10,000 phone minutes later. She stays a week, sees Oregon and we're thinking she's going to move out.

 

She goes back and my roommate {censored}ing proposes marriage on the phone.. ON THE PHONE.. and FedEx's her a ring. WTF?

 

Few months and several thousand minutes of phone calls later, he informs me that he's moving back to Ohio to be with her because she won't move here.

 

I'm like WTF? This girl is a racist. A homophobe. And as ugly as she is on the outside, she's a horrible person on the inside. And she was taking him away from me.

 

He hates Ohio as much as I do. In fact, the three weeks leading up to him leaving he did nothing but have flu-like symptoms... headaches and throwing up and was miserable the whole time. It was a sign.

 

Since he's been back, he calls me once a week saying how much he misses Oregon, but she won't move away from her small po-dunk values. And he won't listen to reason.

 

(cry)

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So fight the good fight with your buddies, get together for a beer or to see a band for a set or something like that. Keep it low key and fun. Believe me, they will thank you !


cheers!

 

 

 

+1

 

It is one thing to take the necessary time to build a good relationship with the spouse. It is another thing to be controlled, or manipulated into a life that is not balanced. As a married person it is so important to have other friends to do stuff with from time to time apart for the spouse. Thing is, it takes a newly married couple awhile to figure this out. They need the time to "bond" if you will.

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About a year and a half go, i started dating my current girlfriend. My best friend and roommate started getting a little irritable and jealous. He'd not dated much since his divorce and was feeling a little lonely I guess.


So a few months of that, he went on vacation to visit his brother back in Ohio. While there, he was introduced to his brother's wife's best friend Nicole.


Now they hung out for like 4-5 days and stuff.


Then he came back to Oregon and started calling her every day. Talking for hours. Racking up over 3000 minute a month on his cell phone (unlimited favorite five via tmobile).


She comes and visits like 3 months and 10,000 phone minutes later. She stays a week, sees Oregon and we're thinking she's going to move out.


She goes back and my roommate {censored}ing proposes marriage on the phone.. ON THE PHONE.. and FedEx's her a ring. WTF?


Few months and several thousand minutes of phone calls later, he informs me that he's moving back to Ohio to be with her because she won't move here.


I'm like WTF? This girl is a racist. A homophobe. And as ugly as she is on the outside, she's a horrible person on the inside. And
she was taking him away from me.


He hates Ohio as much as I do. In fact, the three weeks leading up to him leaving he did nothing but have flu-like symptoms... headaches and throwing up and was miserable the whole time. It was a sign.


Since he's been back, he calls me once a week saying how much he misses Oregon, but she won't move away from her small po-dunk values. And he won't listen to reason.


(cry)

 

 

What do they say? Love is blind?

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The morrow of the story is that you (or perhaps your buddies) NEED to keep some of that old network alive, because some day the situation will change and you may end up by yourself.


So fight the good fight with your buddies, get together for a beer or to see a band for a set or something like that. Keep it low key and fun. Believe me, they will thank you !


cheers!

 

 

And let's not forget that some of them are gonna get divorced, and they will need someone to party with then.

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