I'm going to hell for my new Avatar.

[ThudMaker]

----------------------------------------------------

A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not an atheist."

Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a Christian."

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian.

"Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly.

"What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

She paused, and smiled. "Then," says Lucy, "I'd be an atheist."

 

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There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Every day, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, "She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn't she know there isn't a God?"

Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying "Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don't you know there is no God?" But she kept on praying.

One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do. As usual, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself, "Humph! I'll fix her."

He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing and shouting everywhere! The atheist then jumped out of the bushes and told her, "You ol' crazy lady, God didn't buy you those groceries, I bought those groceries!" At hearing this, she broke out and started running down the street, shouting and praising the Lord.

When he finally caught her, he asked what her problem was. She said, "I knew the Lord would provide me with some groceries, but I didn't know he was gonna make the devil pay for them!"

 

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There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.

As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"

In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"

Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"

The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.

As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.

Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."

 

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During the Reign of Terror of the French Revolution, one morning's executions began with three men: a rabbi, a priest, and a rationalist skeptic.

The rabbi was marched up onto the platform first. There, facing the guillotine, he was asked if he had any last words. And the rabbi cried out, "I believe in the one and only true God, and He shall save me." The executioner then positioned the rabbi below the blade, set the block above his neck, and pulled the cord to set the terrible instrument in motion. The heavy cleaver plunged downward, searing the air. But then, abruptly, it stopped with a crack just a few inches above the would-be victim's neck. To which the rabbi said, "I told you so."

"It's a miracle!" gasped the crowd. And the executioner had to agree, letting the rabbi go.

Next in line was the priest. Asked for his final words, he declared, "I believe in Jesus Christ the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost who will rescue me in my hour of need." The executioner then positioned this man beneath the blade. And he pulled the cord. Again the blade flew downward thump! creak! ...stopping just short of its mark once more.

"Another miracle!" sighed the disappointed crowd. And the executioner for the second time had no choice but to let the condemned go free.

Now it was the skeptic's turn. "What final words have you to say?" he was asked. But the skeptic didn't hear. Staring intently at the ominous engine of death, he seemed lost. Not until the executioner poked him in the ribs and the question was asked again did he reply.

"Oh, I see your problem," the skeptic said pointing. "You've got a blockage in the gear assembly, right there!"

[Goofball Jones]

Funny site. At the moment I've linked to the Google cache of if since it's being hit pretty hard.

Basically it's a list of comments made by Christians on Christian and non-christian sites about Atheists....with links to the actual forums that they were made. Some may actually be trolls or what-not...but I have to wonder about some.

Google cache of the site

One of my favorites is this poor mother in total denial:

I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!

[FreestyleIntruder]

[YOUTUBE]C9_1RFAcjMU[/YOUTUBE]

[ThudMaker]

 

Funny site. At the moment I've linked to the Google cache of if since it's being hit pretty hard. Basically it's a list of comments made by Christians on Christian and non-christian sites about Atheists....with links to the actual forums that they were made. Some may actually be trolls or what-not...but I have to wonder about some. . . . . . . . .

These are 3 of my favorites from your post-

You got it backwards.

Creationism is based upon science, reason and tons of evidence.

Evolution is based on the blind acceptance of superstitions and fairy tales.

 

I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie

 

I often debate with evolutionists because I believe that they are narrow mindedly and dogmatically accepting evolution without questioning it. I don't really care how God did what He did. I know He did it.

[frunobulax]

[frunobulax]

[bassesofalessergod]

These are 3 of my favorites from your post- You got it backwards. Creationism is based upon science, reason and tons of evidence. Evolution is based on the blind acceptance of superstitions and fairy tales. I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie I often debate with evolutionists because I believe that they are narrow mindedly and dogmatically accepting evolution without questioning it. I don't really care how God did what He did. I know He did it.

 

wow.

 

people really do think this way?!?!!?

[FreestyleIntruder]

[Goofball Jones]

wow. people really do think this way?!?!!?

 

Yes they do.

 

Here are some more gems from there:

 

No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims.

 

and

 

The only solution we have to stop gays from recruiting other people is to cut off the source. They need to be taken to specialized containment centers where they will be forced to become straight and accept Jesus as thier savior and to repent from their disgusting, wicket, hatful, devilish ways. Those that refuse to go can either be forced, or banished from society in other specialized communities where they have no connetion to the outside world at all. Most would die of AIDS anyway. Anyone who refused any of the answers to make them better would have to be killed or banished.

 

and this beauty:

 

Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.

 

Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!

[FreestyleIntruder]

Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims. Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!

:lol:

[misterhinkydink]

I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie

 

 

I give up. Which three words?

[ThudMaker]

wow. people really do think this way?!?!!?

Unfortunately as an evangelical, I run into it on a frequent basis. The last statement of the 3 especially . . . . . . "I don't really care how God did what He did. I know He did it."

Now in fairness, good scientists continue to verify, update and change theories when new discoveries are made. While evolution exists, there are quite a few question marks yet to be discovered, so that certain assumptions must be made. In that regard, I also see a lot of blind "faith" that is afforded to scientists.

[ThudMaker]

I give up. Which three words?

That was why I found this joke from Goofball's post to be funny.

[Bass8987]

[Goofball Jones]

Unfortunately as an evangelical, I run into it on a frequent basis. The last statement of the 3 especially . . . . . . "I don't really care how God did what He did. I know He did it." Now in fairness, good scientists continue to verify, update and change theories when new discoveries are made. While evolution exists, there are quite a few question marks yet to be discovered, so that certain assumptions must be made. In that regard, I also see a lot of blind "faith" that is afforded to scientists.

 

 

True, though we endeavour to fill in those gaps and question marks instead of just submitting to "God did it, we don't need to understand how or why...just accept that he did it and move on"...which is the attitude for many people.

[frunobulax]

Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!

 

 

i'm melting!

[ThudMaker]

True, though we endeavour to fill in those gaps and question marks instead of just submitting to "God did it, we don't need to understand how or why. . . ."

Often times they get filled with the likes of Piltdown Man, which isn't any better or worse than "God did it, we don't need to understand how or why.";)

[Goofball Jones]

Often times they get filled with the likes of Piltdown Man, which isn't any better or worse than "God did it, we don't need to understand how or why.";)

Doesn't matter...we're all melting from the acid in our blood anyway.

[Givati]

I hope this is not to OT for this OT thread but, I have a question. And I don't mean to be contrary.

Why do Christians feel that they have to defend their God I wonder?

[Goofball Jones]

I hope this is not to OT for this OT thread but, I have a question. And I don't mean to be contrary. Why do Christians feel that they have to defend their God I wonder?

 

 

Cognitive Dissonance is one reason...a psychological phenomenon that refers to the bad feeling one gets when a discrepancy between what you already know or believe, and new information or interpretation from someone else. Religion usually falls in this framework when two people who are on opposite positions begin discussing and get further and further away from true understanding one another.

[Givati]

Cognitive Dissonance is one reason...a psychological phenomenon that refers to the bad feeling one gets when a discrepancy between what you already know or believe, and new information or interpretation from someone else. Religion usually falls in this framework when two people who are on opposite positions begin discussing and get further and further away from true understanding one another.

Dang you sound really smart!

[Goofball Jones]

Dang you sound really smart!

No, copying and pasting from crap I find on the web kinda makes me sound smart.

[Craig Vecchione]

 

I'm not sure he can get much lighter. Yo.

 

 

 

I could, but I really hate rice cakes.

[ThudMaker]

 

I hope this is not to OT for this OT thread but, I have a question. And I don't mean to be contrary. Why do Christians feel that they have to defend their God I wonder?

Actually in regard to science, it really didn't occur in a broad sense, until the "Church" held Capernicus' beliefs in contempt (heliocentrism vs geocentrism). Galileo, who found Copernicus' findings to be correct, was placed under house arrest, etc. It wasn't until 100 years after Galileo's death, that the "Church" apologized and accepted that its stance on geocentrism was incorrect. This was due to misinterpretations of scripturess such as Psalm 104:5 -He set the earth on its foundations; it can never be moved. While it was the Roman Catholic Church that did this, there were also many well-known Protestant leaders who felt the same way as the Catholic leaders. The early Christians as well as St. Augustine (I think that was the one) did not attempt to use scriptures and their interpretations as an exact scientific blueprint. IOW, it used to be that scientists and religious folks were at peace with each other.

 

So to answer your question . . . . .As it relates to what GJ and I have been discussing, they would rather hang on to what they think is "infallible" instead of accepting that either the Book they hold in the highest regard is either "fallible," or perhaps that Book is infallible but they don't want to find themselves to be "fallible" in their misinterpretation.

[Les_Izzmor]

Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's only got 12 friends.