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This is the main reason why I don't play metal


DevilRaysFan

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I disagree but that first pic is quite nice.

 

 

For a men-to-woman ratio, there are way more sausage-heads at metal shows than fine wimminz..... the poppier you are (pop metal, pop rock, modern country or radio rock, funk, pop, dance) then the ratio starts to reciprocate - its a fact.................

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For a men-to-woman ratio, there are way more sausage-heads at metal shows than fine wimminz..... the poppier you are (pop metal, pop rock, radio rock, funk, pop, dance) then the ratio starts to reciprocate - its a fact.................

 

 

Well, if you put it that way then I guess I have to agree...but I do like looking at the women at metal shows.

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For a men-to-woman ratio, there are way more sausage-heads at metal shows than fine wimminz..... the poppier you are (pop metal, pop rock, modern country or radio rock, funk, pop, dance) then the ratio starts to reciprocate - its a fact.................

 

Yup. I stopped going to metal shows years ago because of this.

Even punk bands draw more chicks. Especially pop punk.:D

C7

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Well, it's sorta obvious that you don't go to metal gigs for the chicks.


Although I have to say I've been seeing more and more girls at our shows, so I guess it's all good
:thu:

 

Especially with my previous band (my current band does it too but my previous band especially), I have done plenty of "all dance" or "all pop/party music/funk/dance" where there is nothin but a sea of hotties dancing and groping each other and causing severe stage Bulge-O-Rama to make an appearance without one lunkhead in sight.... Those are the moments that I cherish the most about performances :love:

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22812058.jpg

 

Thats a pic of some pop-metal chick (See Post #7)

 

Please learn your metal

 

HEAVY METAL

The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and f-ucks the princess.

 

POWER METAL

The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

 

THRASH METAL

The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and f-ucks her.

 

FOLK METAL

The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave...without the princess.

 

VIKING METAL

The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

 

DEATH METAL

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, f-ucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

 

BLACK METAL

The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

 

GORE METAL

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, f-ucks the princess and kills her.Then he f-ucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he f-ucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and f-ucks it for the last time.

 

GRIND METAL

The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

 

DOOM METAL

The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.

 

GOTHIC METAL

The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duett by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly he swallows up the pipe and accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell's eternity.

 

PROGRESSIVE METAL

The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.

 

INDUSTRIAL METAL

The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes anobscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.

 

SPEED METAL

Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someones screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.

 

CHRISTIAN METAL

The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to 'thank' the protagonist he replies, "sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage."

 

GLAM METAL

The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.

 

BATTLE METAL

The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman, war chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.

 

NU METAL

The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.

 

EMO

The protagonist sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get the princess to fall in love with him, he gets eaten. The princess is very happy, because he was a whiny ass anyway.

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Funny.

 

Saturday night, my lame ass band played a show. After we got setup and sound checked, I was sitting at the bar with my guitar player. A couple of guys engaged him in the usual conversation. "What do you guys play?" and {censored} like that. He explained to them what we do and they started talking {censored}. I just sat there quietly. Then one of them got up in my boy's face. He's a total pacifist and managed to calm the guy down. After that, I entered to conversation. They wanted to hear Pantera/Sabbath/Metallica and could not believe that we got gigs playing the {censored} that we do. I asked what they played and what qualified them to tell me what to play. They started to get uppity again and my other guitarist walked over.

 

They left shortly after another bull{censored} exchange and by the end of the first set there were drunk sluts shaking their asses in front of the band. They stayed there all night and bought the band shots and beers.

 

Metal = Angry Sausage Party

 

Pop/Funk/Dance = Hot Dancing Wimmins

 

BOALG = Total Bitch

 

These are universal truths.

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I agree. And it gets even worse when the music is prog....

 

but I've done the pop thing to death. As a married guy, I cannot always partake of the goodies available at a pop-funk-dance gig. Sometimes ya gotta play what's in you rather than merely using the music as a vector for something else.

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