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Not getting along with band members


ThudMaker

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We all occasionally are in a band where we may not like someone or they just rub you the wrong way. I already have one band, so this second one that's a start up I really don't feel anything about it other than moving on. One of the guitards is just that. Actually he's more of a f&*$tard than a guitard as he lacks any creative ingenuity and as a lead has zero rhythm. If he doesn't get his way he makes snide little comments. He's the type of person you just want to punch in the gut. He's not like the guitarist in my other band who has mad skills. This moron is the dime a dozen type. Anybody deal with this regularly and just keep going to see what happens or if it's only been a couple of practices do you hit the road and move on to a different project? I don't know if I feel like telling the other 3 why I'm moving on. I'm not quite sure if they see it, but they do get the same emails as me. Their personalities seem to be a bit more passive than mine. I admit that doesn't take much. I can be quite spirited.

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Stuck it out stuck it out stuck it out stuck it out... had enough, blew my top. Didn't learn my lesson, went right into another band with the same situation. Now I'm free and clear of 'tards and am happier for it, but yeah I had to play with a lot of dolts just to get enough credit to land the guys I really wanted.

 

 

 

EDIT: If I were you I'd ditch em and give the reasons for it. (in a nice way)

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We all occasionally are in a band where we may not like someone or they just rub you the wrong way. I already have one band, so this second one that's a start up I really don't feel anything about it other than moving on. One of the guitards is just that. Actually he's more of a f&*$tard than a guitard as he lacks any creative ingenuity and as a lead has zero rhythm. If he doesn't get his way he makes snide little comments. He's the type of person you just want to punch in the gut. He's not like the guitarist in my other band who has mad skills. This moron is the dime a dozen type. Anybody deal with this regularly and just keep going to see what happens or if it's only been a couple of practices do you hit the road and move on to a different project? I don't know if I feel like telling the other 3 why I'm moving on. I'm not quite sure if they see it, but they do get the same emails as me. Their personalities seem to be a bit more passive than mine. I admit that doesn't take much. I can be quite spirited.

There's always Truck Driving School........:cool: OMB

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No reason to stick that out. At all. Playing music is one of my favorite things in the world and I choose to do it with only the most special friends I have.

Thank, man. I feel the same way. I really, really dig a couple of people in the project. If they would ditch the guy and find someone else I wouldn't hesitate to stay, but ultimatums like that seem so childish, I just sense that wishing them the best and heading on down the road is what I should do.

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Thank, man. I feel the same way. I really, really dig a couple of people in the project. If they would ditch the guy and find someone else I wouldn't hesitate to stay, but ultimatums like that seem so childish, I just sense that wishing them the best and heading on down the road is what I should do.

 

 

 

I've been in those shoes before, and bailed - only to hear later on from the people I actually liked working with that I *should've" talked to them about it before bailing - and that they would've made the move to drop the "problem child", and given me reason to stay...

 

In short, it isn't necessarily childish to put it out there with the players you like - and it might make a difference - after all, if you're planning on bailing, what'll it hurt to give them that option, 1st???

 

 

- georgestrings

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I've been in those shoes before, and bailed - only to hear later on from the people I actually liked working with that I *should've" talked to them about it before bailing - and that they would've made the move to drop the "problem child", and given me reason to stay...


In short, it isn't necessarily childish to put it out there with the players you like - and it might make a difference - after all, if you're planning on bailing, what'll it hurt to give them that option, 1st???



- georgestrings

 

 

Exactly.

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there is always someone in the band that is a prima donna or a total {censored}ing useless piece of {censored}.

the only exception is when everyone in the band is stoned all the time. then they are all useless but fun.

 

i should've moved to LA when i was young. i waited around for 100 years and now am way to old to worry about it any more.

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I've been in those shoes before, and bailed - only to hear later on from the people I actually liked working with that I *should've" talked to them about it before bailing - and that they would've made the move to drop the "problem child", and given me reason to stay...


In short, it isn't necessarily childish to put it out there with the players you like - and it might make a difference - after all, if you're planning on bailing, what'll it hurt to give them that option, 1st???



- georgestrings

Were these people you already knew? I've only known these folks for a short time and about 3 sessions. Does that matter? I guess I've gotten lucky over the years. I've had a few get on my nerves a little, but none like this.

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Were these people you already knew? I've only known these folks for a short time and about 3 sessions. Does that matter? I guess I've gotten lucky over the years. I've had a few get on my nerves a little, but none like this.

 

 

 

 

At the time, I didn't know any of them very well - although I could see the potential in some of them... Years later, when we hooked up for another project, I then realized that I *might* have wasted alot of time by not atleast putting it out there... Look at it this way, if you really can't stand the one guy - the WORST that'll happen is that the others won't go for it, then the "problem child" will be made aware of your dislikes of him(whatever they may be) - which wouldn't bother me a bit, but YMMV... In fact, maybe the experience will help him pull his head out of his ass - but probably not...

 

Tell you what - over the years I've become a WHOLE lot less sensitive, and a WHOLE lot more forthcoming - if I really didn't like one member, and he was being a real asshat - I *might* tell the others to get rid of him and I'd give it a shot - RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM... If he's that big a tool, what do I care what he thinks of me??? Again, YMMV - and my style isn't for everyone... I almost got in BIG trouble years ago for "helping" someone down some stairs after he was a real asshole to me during an audition - fortunately, he didn't get hurt all that badly...

 

Play in enough bands over the years, and you'll see some crazy {censored} - don't let it intimidate you, and don't let any of it get to you - and you'll be miles ahead in the long run... Also - don't be afraid to go after something, if you think it might work out for you - having regrets sucks...

 

 

- georgestrings

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Thank, man. I feel the same way. I really, really dig a couple of people in the project. If they would ditch the guy and find someone else I wouldn't hesitate to stay, but ultimatums like that seem so childish, I just sense that wishing them the best and heading on down the road is what I should do.

 

 

You know, if you feel like this, chances are the other guys do, too. Just put it out there. What might happen is, everyone else will agree with you, they'll {censored} can the douchenozzle, and you'll be back to being happy with it.

If not, at least you said your piece honestly. There's no sense in keeping it to yourself just to spare the feelings of some clown you don't genuinely care about, right?

C7

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You know, if you feel like this, chances are the other guys do, too. Just put it out there. What might happen is, everyone else will agree with you, they'll {censored} can the douchenozzle, and you'll be back to being happy with it.

If not, at least you said your piece honestly. There's no sense in keeping it to yourself just to spare the feelings of some clown you don't genuinely care about, right?

C7

I'm not really interested in sparing his feelings. I just think strafing someone as I head out the door is classless. As is, I've decided I'm calling the one who put it together and laying the facts as I seem them out there.

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I'm not really interested in sparing his feelings. I just think strafing someone as I head out the door is classless. As is, I've decided I'm calling the one who put it together and laying the facts as I seem them out there.

 

 

I hate when bad band {censored} happens. It REALLY is not easy to get musicians together for a committed project and make it stick. Sounds like your main band works fine, focus on that, IMO.

 

A band will only function if everyone's goal is to make the band strong, and not an individual. When one person starts to think THEY are the band and everyone else is "stealing the spotlight from them" or "need to be told how to do their part" then it starts heading for the toilet.

 

That guitard just needs to form a band and tell everyone up front, "I'm the main guy, you are my back up musicians." And then he needs to prepare to have no band, or pay musicians to do his bidding.

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No reason to stick that out. At all. Playing music is one of my favorite things in the world and I choose to do it with only the most special friends I have.

 

 

Well said (as usual).

 

I spent five years in a band that wasn't exactly what I wanted, but I thought "well, it'll work out eventually." It did work out eventually...when I quit. If you've got reservations now, unless you're willing to talk those things out, there's no point in delaying the inevitable.

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Then again, some of the greatest music ever was created under a cloud of conflict.


I did say "some", not all. Of course, helps if all the members are creative.

 

 

I'm all for putting up with musician nonsense if I get to be rich and famous. If not, what's the point? If there's no fame or fortune, there needs to be fun and an outlet for creativity. But I do see your point, there was conflict in bands like Fleetwood Mac and the Beatles that still led to some great music.

 

The question at the end of the day when dealing with bands, work, or romance is, "Can I live with this?"

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