Members Funkee1 Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 So I meant to post this while I was still mad about it. I didn't know what to do. I got this e-mail that alleges to be from my eldest funkeegirl saying the following: This year, my sister and I want a Wii and Rock Band for Christmas. We don't want or need any of the pointless dollar store gifts you got last year. Just get us one gift we can really use (not in quotes, cause I am paraphrasing). Now, at first I was pissed. I spent almost a month picking out presents last year, and spent a lot of money making sure they had a lot of stuff to open. I was extremely careful to make sure each girl had a good, big gift, and lots of little things to open. My GF also bought a lot of little cute things, like hair barrettes, bath soaps and the like. She bought more stuff for my kids than she did for her own! To hear that they didn't appreciate my efforts (I know who really sent the email....... It probably wasn't the kids) really hurts my feelings. I didn't raise those girls to think and act this way, and the fact that I'm daddy doesn't make it any more acceptable! But...........now that I have had some time to cool off, there is a certain logic to it, and since it is to be a shared gift from the mother and I, so I only had to come up with half......................... I'm gonna do it! I hate the extortion attempt, but I will sure have an easier time getting gifts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members In Absentia Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 You're a better man than I. Seriously, I'd flip out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Funkee1 Posted November 27, 2008 Author Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 You're a better man than I. Seriously, I'd flip out. I did! I'm just on the other side of it. My Gf hand knitted these really beautiful blankets for my girls. After this, I told her find someone else to give them to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members willsellout Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 78pbass Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 Mark, If it were me in your shoes, I'd have a suprise sit-down with the ex-, both girls and bring a written copy of the note and ask who wrote it and shut-up an observe their reactions. If its from the girls, then I simply say that with a note like that, they dont deserve a Wii or anything, but you will join them at the soup kitchen or homeless shelter on such-and-such date to show them how much a little humility would serve them well. If its apparent it was from the ex-, I would take it offline from the kids, and tell her you'll do it, but next time to be an adult enough to simply ask. Don't berate her, but don't let it go unchecked either. Rolling over will continue to allow the ex's manipulation, IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Funkee1 Posted November 27, 2008 Author Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 Mark, If it were me in your shoes, I'd have a suprise sit-down with the ex-, both girls and bring a written copy of the note and ask who wrote it and shut-up an observe their reactions. If its from the girls, then I simply say that with a note like that, they dont deserve a Wii or anything, but you will join them at the soup kitchen or homeless shelter on such-and-such date to show them how much a little humility would serve them well.If its apparent it was from the ex-, I would take it offline from the kids, and tell her you'll do it, but next time to be an adult enough to simply ask. Don't berate her, but don't let it go unchecked either.Rolling over will continue to allow the ex's manipulation, IMO. Thanks for the advice.... It won't go unchecked, and I'm not just rolling over. This will be addressed...... But I get out of christmas for $125 this year, and I only have to buy two things. It's hard to be mad (about that........... now, if there just wasn't an iron fist in the velvet glove........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members toolbar Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 How about just not giving 'em jack... Tell 'em it's only half and they'll get the other half for their birthdays. Maybe they'll be grateful for the GIFT they get next year. I don't have an ex so I'm not good with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members J. Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 If your wife wrote that, she's a total {censored}. Sorry to be blunt, but that's the truth. I have no idea why anyone who considers him/herself an adult would be so petty and mean-spirited. For pete's sake, they're your kids. Using children to hurt/manipulate/humiliate/degrade an ex-spouse is simply beyond the pale. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 78pbass Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 Thanks for the advice.... It won't go unchecked, and I'm not just rolling over. This will be addressed......But I get out of christmas for $125 this year, and I only have to buy two things. It's hard to be mad (about that...........now, if there just wasn't an iron fist in the velvet glove........ Perhaps, the kids don't know anything about it? Its entirely possible your ex will take the credit and throw you under the bus, saying "your daddy didn't even get you anything..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Funkee1 Posted November 27, 2008 Author Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 Perhaps, the kids don't know anything about it? Its entirely possible your ex will take the credit and throw you under the bus, saying "your daddy didn't even get you anything..." ......and therein lies the rub! If I get them nothing, I lose. If I get them what they are asking for, I lose. If I get them something else, I lose. I can't win, I can't break even, and I can't quit. My only hope is to out-nice their mother until they realize, on their own, that they have been hoodwinked, and hope the damage is minimal. sorry to put a downer on everyone's Thanksgiving, but you see....you guys (and gals) are my family! Hey T- broom....pass me some pie, would ya? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bogster Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 I get this from my ex's kid. Some of you may remember that I was involved with a woman for several years with a kid and basically helped to raise the kid from a baby. In fact, to this day, the kid still calls me "dad" (the real father is dead). She was a sweet kid and very loving. I still saw her regularly after my ex and I broke up. Fast forward to the last couple of years-she only calls when it's around her birthday or Christmas (ie when she knows she'll get something from me). COMPLETELY the opposite of the sweet, loving little kid she used to be (she's now 11). I can't help but feel that she's becoming as selfish and materialistic as her mom, and that breaks my heart. I simply refuse to be a "disney dad" for her, though. So the contact basically ended. My point in all this I guess, is that it sucks to feel like you're simply a wallet to some kid. Obviously, this is different since they are actually YOUR kids, Mark. I would sit down with them and find out if they truly sent the email. Then I would explain to them that Christmas is about being together with family, not about "getting stuff", and that they should be accepting and thankful for what they get from anyone-not just you or mom. If it's the wife who wrote it (and I would probably confront her first) then shame on her for doing so. She should be acknowledging your attempts, Funkee, not undermining them or making you feel like {censored} for what you have or haven't gotten for them. And enforcing with your kids that they should be grateful and thanking you. There are plenty of kids out there who have dads that don't give two {censored}s about them and buy them nothing for Christmas or any other day of the year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Phantasm Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 ......and therein lies the rub! If I get them nothing, I lose. If I get them what they are asking for, I lose. If I get them something else, I lose.I can't win, I can't break even, and I can't quit. My only hope is to out-nice their mother until they realize, on their own, that they have been hoodwinked, and hope the damage is minimal.sorry to put a downer on everyone's Thanksgiving, but you see....you guys (and gals) are my family! Hey T- broom....pass me some pie, would ya? I feel bad for you, man. Every time I see "husband kills ex-wife and children, then self" in the newspaper, I know a thousand stories like this are waiting behind that headline. Much love and support in the latest of a line of shenanigans that you have to put up with as divorced daddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 82Daion Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 If you want to get them something they can "use," split that money and put it in a savings account for their continuing education later on. If it is indeed your ex, I would not stand for being manipulated like that, and I would tell all of them as much. You can rationalize it all you want, but keep in mind that you're enabling them/her to keep manipulating you in the future. This may be one situation where it is preferable to "lose." I'm sorry you have to go through this crap, Mark. Hang in there, and have a happy Thanksgiving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Brother Mango Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 First. Consider what you can do that's comfortable in your own life. That's not called 'selfishness.' It's called 'not allowing your life to be run by some random email.' Second. Realize the layers to such a communication. Whomever wrote is was trying to flip you out. Do you wanna take that bait? Do you wanna teach someone that they either control you by getting you off your game; and if they can't control you, at least they can get a little entertainment because you look humorous to them when you're off your game? Third. What are the consequences if you do absolutely nothing? What are the consequences if you do exactly what you had planned to do before the letter arrived? Are the consequences REAL? Will they cause ill health? Will the consequences include the loss of any legal rights that you have? If the consequences are that you'll look like a dope, well, whomever generated that email sounds like they already see you as a dope even if you gave them an H3 with Wii installed in the back seat. If you did show up with the H3, that'd be invitation for more bellicose emails because that's what works for you. Said another way: that's the quarter to get your jukebox to play. You could be chasing your own tail. Is your ex- a {censored}? No. She's a wonderful person who's trapped in her own games. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Annoying Twit Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 Perhaps, the kids don't know anything about it? Its entirely possible your ex will take the credit and throw you under the bus, saying "your daddy didn't even get you anything..." That's what the cynical side of my brain thought might be a problem. The OP could say to his ex-partner that if she gives him the money, he'll buy the gifts and deliver them on Christmas day. She can't really insist that she won't accept that scenario, but that he should give her the money so that she can buy them. Otherwise, one partner buys the Wii and the other buys Rock Band. I'd certainly also phone up the children and ask to speak to them concerning what they want from Christmas. Any amount of conversation is likely to reveal some more about the authorship of the note. One way or the other. That would avoid any potential nastiness until the authorship is more accurately established. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Funkee1 Posted November 27, 2008 Author Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 Is your ex- a {censored}? No. She's a wonderful person who's trapped in her own games. This last line is how I see it. She's not bad, just misguided. and I can't that horrible. After all, she married me and made babies, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Brother Mango Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 ......and therein lies the rub! If I get them nothing, I lose. If I get them what they are asking for, I lose. If I get them something else, I lose. I can't win, I can't break even, and I can't quit. My only hope is to out-nice their mother until they realize, on their own, that they have been hoodwinked, and hope the damage is minimal. sorry to put a downer on everyone's Thanksgiving, but you see....you guys (and gals) are my family! Hey T- broom....pass me some pie, would ya? Lose what? That's really the rub? Who's keeping score and who's determining if you get into the playoffs? Where are these playoffs being held? Is there anything to win or lose? You've got to stand up to this by doing what works for you in your life. Don't go broke, don't get all stressed out. Don't go buy them something that you might be morally against but think it'll 'out nice' their mother. BTW, I ate TBroom last night. He ain't gonna hand you any pie unless you're in my stomach: Funkee1, get this together. You aren't a hippopotamus so, you wouldn't know how hard it is for me to type. I can't keep this up with you very much longer! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Annoying Twit Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 ......and therein lies the rub! If I get them nothing, I lose. If I get them what they are asking for, I lose. If I get them something else, I lose.I can't win, I can't break even, and I can't quit. My only hope is to out-nice their mother until they realize, on their own, that they have been hoodwinked, and hope the damage is minimal.sorry to put a downer on everyone's Thanksgiving, but you see....you guys (and gals) are my family! Hey T- broom....pass me some pie, would ya? If I were you, not that I know anything, I'd speak to the kids at length. I'd explain to them that I really want to get them something for Christmas but that I was surprised and hurt by the tone of the letter asking for the Wii and Rockband. Because of that, I really feel that I can't buy those gifts for them this Christmas. I'd ask them (in person or on the phone) to suggest some alternate gifts that they'd want. If they dig their heels in and insist that the Wii and Rockband is all they want, I'd tell them that I understand that is what they want, but in the situation, I don't feel that buying a present demanded in such a way is expressing the true spirit of Christmas and family love. If they kept insisting until Christmas, then I'd give them a gift of a hand-written letter telling them I love them and promising to buy them a present as soon as we can talk about it and come to an agreement as to what would be suitable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Brother Mango Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 If I were you, not that I know anything, I'd speak to the kids at length. I'd explain to them that I really want to get them something for Christmas but that I was surprised and hurt by the tone of the letter asking for the Wii and Rockband. Because of that, I really feel that I can't buy those gifts for them this Christmas. I'd ask them (in person or on the phone) to suggest some alternate gifts that they'd want. If they dig their heels in and insist that the Wii and Rockband is all they want, I'd tell them that I understand that is what they want, but in the situation, I don't feel that buying a present demanded in such a way is expressing the true spirit of Christmas and family love. If they kept insisting until Christmas, then I'd give them a gift of a hand-written letter telling them I love them and promising to buy them a present as soon as we can talk about it and come to an agreement as to what would be suitable. Annoying Twit is quite UN-annoying today. I like this perspective. This doesn't attempt to fight fire with fire. This isn't piling more crazy games and emotional reactions on top of something that's already crazy and emotional enough. This is responsible and gives the other people a chance to participate and clean up the poor communication. Hey, Annoying Twit, go get yourself a massage with a happy ending, and send the bill to Funkee1. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Narcosynthesis Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 So I meant to post this while I was still mad about it. I didn't know what to do. I got this e-mail that alleges to be from my eldest funkeegirl saying the following: This year, my sister and I want a Wii and Rock Band for Christmas. We don't want or need any of the pointless dollar store gifts you got last year. Just get us one gift we can really use (not in quotes, cause I am paraphrasing). Now, at first I was pissed. I spent almost a month picking out presents last year, and spent a lot of money making sure they had a lot of stuff to open. I was extremely careful to make sure each girl had a good, big gift, and lots of little things to open. My GF also bought a lot of little cute things, like hair barrettes, bath soaps and the like. She bought more stuff for my kids than she did for her own! To hear that they didn't appreciate my efforts (I know who really sent the email....... It probably wasn't the kids) really hurts my feelings. I didn't raise those girls to think and act this way, and the fact that I'm daddy doesn't make it any more acceptable! But...........now that I have had some time to cool off, there is a certain logic to it, and since it is to be a shared gift from the mother and I, so I only had to come up with half......................... I'm gonna do it! I hate the extortion attempt, but I will sure have an easier time getting gifts! Going on what you have said previously, I would first want to check out who the email actually came from. If it was from the girl(s), and I realise you were paraphrasing, but if they had said that they thought you bought them 'pointless dollar store gifts' then really they are missing the point in christmas (hurrah for the commercialisation of christmas), and being rude like that doesn't get you anywhere (ie, no big present) If it was from the ex trying to pull some trick on you (either just splitting a bigger gift, or trying to prevent you from your usual multiple small gifts plan - something I could see the girls loving, so preventing it being her pulling some power trick and making you the bad guy for not doing it this year)it is your choice whether you want to take the easy option and put in for something bigger like the wii, or call her bluff and do your thing. Maybe something in the middle? the wii and a few small gifts to open with the explanation that you paid for part of the bigger one instead? Christmas is a family time, and it sucks the problems you have had already with the girls. Part of the fun for me has always been the sillier small gifts that bring a smile to my face rather than the 'bigger' stuff and getting to see all teh family and so on... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members db. Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 I don't know the ages of the kids, but "pointless dollar store gifts" doesn't sound like something a kid would say or write. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bass_n_drums Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 you're basically falling into her trap. And next year the gifts they want will probably be more. Don't be a fool and let that elevate to the point where you're going to end up being your ex-wife's bitch(excuse my language). Just give the gifts you got for them and next year talk to your girls and ask them to put down a few things on their lists on what they want for Christmas. Not what your ex-wife wants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lumpy555 Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 my daughter said she is tired of my mom-grandma giving her dollar general toys,gifts. i was pissed!! how can MY KID have the nerve to talk about her grama? my mom just gets by,on a stinkin fixed income ! i told my kid that grama does the best she can,if I EVER hear that {censored}e again that my kid will get slapped,RIGHT IN THE MOUTH!! fuggin ought to be ashamed of herself. where do our kids learn to say dollar store gifts anyway?? what happened to thee ol thought that counts,not how much one spends?? in your case,just give your girls a shared gift,like an old bass that you have layin round??!! piece-lumpy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guttermouth Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 wow.i think you should implement a "handmade presents only" christmas policy for about the next 5 years. and kick the ex in the nuts while you're at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members db. Posted November 27, 2008 Members Share Posted November 27, 2008 wow.i think you should implement a "handmade presents only" christmas policy for about the next 5 years. and kick the ex in the nuts while you're at it. Yeah, Funkee, I'm a bit pissed off at your ex's behavior. Don't fall into the trap. I'll be rooting for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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