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A gig report, of a very unusal kind.


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We had our show Saturday night at the new Blondie's downtown in Detroit. We didn't know it, but Blondie's was to be the base camp for what is called... Detroit Santarchy.


It's a pub crawl with a Santa outfit theme. Imagine if you will... we're upstairs waiting for the night to get started. The bar is empty, except for employees and band members. We're getting our pre-staging beverages. Then three gals in Santa outfits come in.


Then five dudes in Santa outfits.



I sprang from my barstool to see what was the matter.


I glared out the window and what did I find?

FOUR Santa-filled buses and a limo in a line!


They stumbled out to approach the stairs

We all followed their pathway with desheveled stares


In droves they came, screaming and shouting

The event organizers first, to do their scouting


To find all the waitresses and introduce themselves

To meet all the Santas, the wives, and the green-clad elves


And harlots and skanks dressed head to toe

In fashion quite unsuitable for Michigan snow


Their asses hung out and their cleavage was heaved

Some corsets made me wonder how any of them breathed


The guys had their worst intentions manifested

Beer guts painted green and hooligans bare-chested


Cowboy hats of red with trim of fluffy white

And the megaphone-wielding leader filling us with fright


They flung pudding shots at each other to and fro

While waitresses scramble without slipping as they go


Shenanigans were partaken, calamities were inevitable

What in the hell actually rhymes with inevitable?


The first band started up, as this sea of crimson red

Listened to the "music" as it bombarded their heads


The gold-hewn temptress was showing off her outfit

As we noticed her panties would be deemed by most, unfit!


The bar was attacked by wives needing refills

Of whiskey rum vodka, and other beverages distilled


The booze was a-flowing, the crowd was a-screaming

The hawt slutty outfits got the windows a-steaming!


And as swiftly as the walls were crammed with this crowd

The megaphone blasted the drunkards aloud



And we watched many Santas stumbling and weaving


They piled back into their yellow booze chariots

With the crowd filling the limo looking the scariest


We were still amazed as they shouted afar


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We wanted onboard the Hamtramck Blowout. But someone's dropping the ball for getting us on there...





Don't know what to tell you about that. Our guitarist usually just calls the places directly to book us. IIRC, I think we're supposed to be playing at Mephisto's soon.

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