A gig report, of a very unusal kind.

[Bryan316]

We had our show Saturday night at the new Blondie's downtown in Detroit. We didn't know it, but Blondie's was to be the base camp for what is called... Detroit Santarchy.

 

It's a pub crawl with a Santa outfit theme. Imagine if you will... we're upstairs waiting for the night to get started. The bar is empty, except for employees and band members. We're getting our pre-staging beverages. Then three gals in Santa outfits come in.

 

Then five dudes in Santa outfits.

 

Then we hear GAWD-AWFUL HORRIBLE AIR-RAID-SIREN-LIKE CLATTER!

I sprang from my barstool to see what was the matter.

 

I glared out the window and what did I find?

FOUR Santa-filled buses and a limo in a line!

 

They stumbled out to approach the stairs

We all followed their pathway with desheveled stares

 

In droves they came, screaming and shouting

The event organizers first, to do their scouting

 

To find all the waitresses and introduce themselves

To meet all the Santas, the wives, and the green-clad elves

 

And harlots and skanks dressed head to toe

In fashion quite unsuitable for Michigan snow

 

Their asses hung out and their cleavage was heaved

Some corsets made me wonder how any of them breathed

 

The guys had their worst intentions manifested

Beer guts painted green and hooligans bare-chested

 

Cowboy hats of red with trim of fluffy white

And the megaphone-wielding leader filling us with fright

 

They flung pudding shots at each other to and fro

While waitresses scramble without slipping as they go

 

Shenanigans were partaken, calamities were inevitable

What in the hell actually rhymes with inevitable?

 

The first band started up, as this sea of crimson red

Listened to the "music" as it bombarded their heads

 

The gold-hewn temptress was showing off her outfit

As we noticed her panties would be deemed by most, unfit!

 

The bar was attacked by wives needing refills

Of whiskey rum vodka, and other beverages distilled

 

The booze was a-flowing, the crowd was a-screaming

The hawt slutty outfits got the windows a-steaming!

 

And as swiftly as the walls were crammed with this crowd

The megaphone blasted the drunkards aloud

 

"GET THE HELL OUT! BUSES ARE LEAVING!"

And we watched many Santas stumbling and weaving

 

They piled back into their yellow booze chariots

With the crowd filling the limo looking the scariest

 

We were still amazed as they shouted afar

"MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU BASTARDS, ON TO THE NEXT BAR!"

[freeridstylee]

I played there a few months ago. Cool venue.

 

Yea the dress up as santa and get hammered thing kind of perplexes me. Try explaining why Santa's beating Mrs. Claus, in between pukes, to the kids.

[Super_Donut_Man]

Best Gig Report ever.

[BottomHeavyKate]

{censored}ing Bravo.

 

[slapthefunkyfour]

Best Gig Report ever.

 

+1.

[Detox]

So play in Hamtramck next time.

[Bryan316]

We wanted onboard the Hamtramck Blowout. But someone's dropping the ball for getting us on there...

[Detox]

 

We wanted onboard the Hamtramck Blowout. But someone's dropping the ball for getting us on there...

 

 

 

 

Don't know what to tell you about that. Our guitarist usually just calls the places directly to book us. IIRC, I think we're supposed to be playing at Mephisto's soon.