Members One Bad Monkey Posted December 28, 2008 Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 ...but sometimes I just wonder what the hell my inlaws are thinking. My wife's previous relationship was not a good one, resulting in her gaining about 70 pounds before she met me. At this point, she's down about 50 (good for her) pounds. Needless to say, any comment about her weight is still very touchy and she takes it more personally than I think it needs to be taken (and this is coming from a guy who in the past five years lost 70 pounds and has maintained it). Conversely, as she's gotten healthier, her twin sister has gained about 30 pounds and is now very concerned about her weight as well. She's not active and doesn't eat well at all, end of story. So, this time of year really isn't the best for any sort of healthy eating; yes, it can be done. When we go over to my inlaws' house for Christmas yesterday, we're given this HUGE gift basket of crackers, chocolate, cheeses, etc.. along with a box of truffles. Her sister and brother in law get the same thing. Her folks know that both of the girls are very concerned about their weight/image. This isn't an issue that's kept secret. So, are her folks just oblivious to the whole thing, did they just forget or what? Like I said, I realize that it's the thought that counts (and really, spending time with her entire family is Christmas enough for me) but at the same point, wouldn't that be like handing a case of beer to a recovering alcoholic for Christmas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Goofball Jones Posted December 28, 2008 Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 Yeah, but I have a feeling they may have just not been thinking. Btw, I was in Kalamazoo yesterday. Well, Portage....but close enough. Ate at B&D's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members One Bad Monkey Posted December 28, 2008 Author Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, but given how much I've seen of this same type of thing over the past couple of years I'm left to wonder. Also, I may be subconsciously comparing them to my folks. Portage, Kalamazoo...it only depends on what side of the sign you're on. B&D's is probably three blocks from my house, btw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members catphish Posted December 28, 2008 Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 Typically food gifts are universal, and are given when you either haven't taken the time to try and find something thoughtful for an individual, or have tried but came up with nothing. Businesses typically give customer's food gifts, it's impersonal and takes no thought. Next year send them a wish list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bassman1956 Posted December 28, 2008 Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 Hmmm... beats the hell out of gym memberships. Seriously, I think some people view it as "well, it's just the holidays, this isn't that much, and a little can't really hurt, can it?" They might have even thought they gave her an okay reason to cheat a little. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members PaulyWally Posted December 28, 2008 Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 Also consider that parents don't always see what we see in ourselves. We may feel overweight and out of shape. But be sure that (unless it's just out of control) our parents don't see that. I know how you feel. But try to think like a parent and see their point of view. Understanding exactly how THEY feel and what they're thinking is the best first step you can take to resolving the issue. On a personal note, I also lost a substantial amount of weight about 5 years ago and kept it off ever since. And I continuously tell people I DO NOT LIKE SWEETS IN MY HOUSE! "No!! I don't want to take home the leftover cookies!!" "No!! I don't want a 2 gallon tin of caramel corn!!" It's like pulling teeth sometimes and people just can't take a simple "no" for an answer. So... I've learned that you can't completely stop it from happening. You can only contain it and keep it to a minimum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mrcrow Posted December 28, 2008 Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 accept the gift gracefully...thats one thought that countssay you will eat it later...if you canand then dont eat it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Goofball Jones Posted December 28, 2008 Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 Or eat it. I mean, eating something really bad for one day isn't going to kill anyone really if it's done in moderation. Moderation is the key. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mrcrow Posted December 28, 2008 Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 Or eat it. I mean, eating something really bad for one day isn't going to kill anyone really if it's done in moderation.Moderation is the key. correct...just as my doctor has advised on my high cholestorol countgave me 2/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members King Kashue Posted December 28, 2008 Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 Re-gift ahoy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Detox Posted December 28, 2008 Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 One of my friends gives me a 2 lb. box of baklava every Christmas, despite the fact that he knows I'm a diabetic. I always make sure we meet at a restaurant to exchange gifts, and then when he leaves I give the box to the waitress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Goofball Jones Posted December 28, 2008 Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 One of my friends gives me a 2 lb. box of baklava every Christmas, despite the fact that he knows I'm a diabetic. I always make sure we meet at a restaurant to exchange gifts, and then when he leaves I give the box to the waitress. Okay, I amend my statement above. If you're diabetic then be careful of what you eat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mrcrow Posted December 28, 2008 Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 One of my friends gives me a 2 lb. box of baklava every Christmas, despite the fact that he knows I'm a diabetic. I always make sure we meet at a restaurant to exchange gifts, and then when he leaves I give the box to the waitress. a good way to dispose of anything is personally... we give most of our tins of biscuits and various to the homeless via our church outreach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bassman1956 Posted December 28, 2008 Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 Keep in mind, I really got nothing for Christmas. Okay, a box of cookies from one neighbor, and a loaf of sweetbread from another. But that's it. And it's not a problem, I don't feel bad or anything. But Mom and Dad are both gone now, there's a rift in the family that once was united, and we don't meet as one large group like we used to. And I find myself fondly remembering the Christmases of the past, where then I looked at the gift and thought "what were they thinking!?", and now would gladly accept the gift just to be back there with everyone! Smile broadly to yourself that you have those around you who care, and quietly pass on the goodies to someone who can make better use of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members One Bad Monkey Posted December 28, 2008 Author Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 I know how you feel. But try to think like a parent and see their point of view. Understanding exactly how THEY feel and what they're thinking is the best first step you can take to resolving the issue. That's what I'm trying to do, at least try to see their side. Last year, they gave both myself and my wife and her sister/brother-in-law a gift certificate to a bed and breakfast. My wife and I had been to this particular one many times and thought it was a really nice gift. My brother-in-law travels for work and subsequently has tons of Hilton and Hyatt points, so while he could stay at the B&B, why bother when you can stay at a hotel for free? Now, he (and my wife's sister) made the point of telling the parents that there was probably no way they'd use it (given the above reason). My comment to them was "Why not try something new?" but no dice. So, the parents bought the gift certificate back from my brother/sister-in-law and gave it to us for our combined birthday present. It worked out great because we used both certificates a week later. My first thought this year was "Well, given how well last year's present went, maybe they're just going generic this time." But I guess that's the problem I'm having, is them trying a "One size" type of present for everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members One Bad Monkey Posted December 28, 2008 Author Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 Typically food gifts are universal, and are given when you either haven't taken the time to try and find something thoughtful for an individual, or have tried but came up with nothing. Businesses typically give customer's food gifts, it's impersonal and takes no thought. Next year send them a wish list. That's the funny thing. Usually they give myself and my brother-in-law gift cards to Lowe's and the girls get cards to Kohl's. While we all agree on the "impersonal" nature of gift cards, usually I use mine on household stuff and am more than happy to. What made them decide on food this year, I don't know. I should probably mention that at breakfast this morning, the four of us (myself, wife, sister, bro-in-law) all said we were a little miffed at what the oldest sister (my wife is one of three) and brother-in-law got. They live in Pittsburgh and stay at the parents house with their two kids while here on the holidays. Her folks got the adults a night's stay at a nice hotel (last night) without the kids; the in-laws would watch them. What killed us more wasn't the fact that it probably cost more than our gifts, but that it was a lot more thoughtful of a present than ours. I realize it's being petty, but as I'm getting older I'd rather get no gift at all instead of one that seems that it was phoned in. Send me a card instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members s4001 Posted December 28, 2008 Members Share Posted December 28, 2008 Some people are just bad gift-givers. My brother-in-law is notoriously bad at it. Great guy, thoughful, but his gifts are just out of left field. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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