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OT: How Marriage Works - A Story.


hawkhuff

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A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies so, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'

 

'Where are you going, coochy cooh?' asked the wife.

 

'I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer.'

 

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25

different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

 

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop....but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses...'

 

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, 'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

 

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious.. I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'

 

You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

 

'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know...there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'

 

'You want dirty words, Dick head? Drink your {censored}ing beer in your Goddamned frozen mug and eat your mother {censored}ing snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren't {censored}ing going anywhere! Got it, Ass hole?'

 

................and, they lived happily ever after.

 

Now, isn't that a sweet story? :thu::D

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Exactly why it will never happen to me again... Though neither of my exes ever had beer in the fridge, frozen mugs waiting, or hors d'oeuvres made for me... I must have gotten ripped off.

 

yeah, but you shopped in the crazy section. Try the sane and normal section next time :thu::p

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yeah, but you shopped in the crazy section. Try the sane and normal section next time
:thu::p

 

{censored} that's like telling someone to buy a weed wacker at the quickie mart. They're ALL crazy, you just gotta decide which flavour you want :)

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Yikes. Sounds like that guy needs a good claw hammer.



Who was it that said: "You want to know the secret to a successful marriage? Cheat."


I'm not going to test that theory.
:D

 

Dane Cook.

 

That's one of my fave bits by him.

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A mans wife walks up to him, wearing lingere, and walks up to him and says, "Why don't you come and tie me to the bed and do what you want."

 

The husband takes her up on the offer, and ties her to the bed and says, "I am going fishing, I'll be back in the evening."

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I have a cool g/f right now. Then again, most girls are cool until you marry them. Once you're married they know it's a PITA for either of you to leave and they also know they can take you for half of your {censored} so you better do what you're told, right?! The man can't win. Ha. I'm mostly kidding, but I dunno... Maybe I'm really not. I'm so jaded on marriage, it's ridiculous.

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I have a cool g/f right now. Then again, most girls are cool until you marry them. Once you're married they know it's a PITA for either of you to leave and they also know they can take you for half of your {censored} so you better do what you're told, right?! The man can't win. Ha. I'm mostly kidding, but I dunno... Maybe I'm really not. I'm so jaded on marriage, it's ridiculous.

 

I share your sentiments to the TEE and I haven't even been married yet! :lol:

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+1

 

 

Perhaps its your perception that creates the reality :shrug:

 

Pam and I are together 12 years now, married for 9 and still doing great despite some very stressful outside factors. Its all in the energy you exude, if that makes sense.

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Perhaps its your perception that creates the reality :shrug:


Pam and I are together 12 years now, married for 9 and still doing great despite some very stressful outside factors. Its all in the energy you exude, if that makes sense.

 

Very well could be. My reality is that I'm out $27k and change as a result of my two divorces, not including child support.

 

It is also highly likely that even though I've never cheated, I'm a {censored}ty husband... Yet another reason I won't get married again. :D

 

Don't get me wrong... I think it's rad when people can make their marriages work, but that's just it. I don't like to always have to "make" things work. I'd just rather they did.

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I've been married to the same woman for the past 35 years (together for 40) and for all of that time I have never felt "owned". We have separate interests and shared interests, we have time together and time for space between us and most importantly we respect each others differences and don't try and change the other person to satisfy some selfish whim. If you have felt "owned" it's because you chose badly. If you are using that thing between your legs to "pick the very best one" you gotta remember it has no brain.

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I've been married to the same woman for the past 35 years (together for 40) and for all of that time I have never felt "owned". We have separate interests and shared interests, we have time together and time for space between us and most importantly we respect each others differences and don't try and change the other person to satisfy some selfish whim. If you have felt "owned" it's because you chose badly. If you are using that thing between your legs to "pick the very best one" you gotta remember it has no brain.

 

 

But the way to a man's brain is through that thing between his legs. :poke:

 

Joking, but like I said... Some of you guys found the right one and that's rad. I just have a lot of friends whose wives totally "own" them and I fell into that trap as well. It sucks.

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I've been married to the same woman for the past 35 years (together for 40) and for all of that time I have never felt "owned". We have separate interests and shared interests, we have time together and time for space between us and most importantly we respect each others differences and don't try and change the other person to satisfy some selfish whim. If you have felt "owned" it's because you chose badly. If you are using that thing between your legs to "pick the very best one" you gotta remember it has no brain.

 

 

I'm speaking origins not current practice.

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