Wives and Girlfriends at shows?

[superiorparts]

i am not a big fan of wives or girlfriends coming to gigs. they want you to spend time with them and that can take away from the pr work you should be doing. it also tends to lead to arguments after the gig about "why was that girl talking to you?". i dont care if my wife goes every once in a while but not all the time. i have been in some bands where the wives caused more trouble for the band. i love my wife very much, but the bar scene is not for her. she really doesn't want to go much. she usually goes to the new years party, fourth of july party, and wedding parties.

 

kevin james

 

www.monkeyboneband.com

[RupertB]

My wife comes to about 1 in 4 gigs, usually the ones that start earlier in the evening.

 

Last time she told me a bunch of people came over to say hi and seemed to know who she was. When she asked how they knew she was Rupert's wife, somebody told her "because he took a break and went over to talk to you. Usually he stays on stage and doesn't talk to people much." She liked that.

[cherri]

My spouse is in the band, so we don't have the same issues that other musical couples encounter. He doesn't get jealous when gals/guys ask me to autograph their boobs. (I'm not sure how that started, but I get asked all the time!??!)

 

We are both incorrigible flirts but it's so obvious that we're together that people in the audience will comment on our syrupy schmoopiness.

 

Now and then a gal will come up and tell me on how cute my bass player is, and ask me if he's single, but that's easy enough to politely explain without hurting her feelings.

 

Our drummer has a GF, and she comes to shows when she can, but I've never caught any jealousy vibes from her regarding other ladies at the shows. Our guitar player's wife usually stays home with their boys, but when they can get a sitter she comes out to see him. He plays to her and it's very touching, because he's more emotive and she's so proud of him.

 

When she's not there, and someone starts to hit on him, I wander over, hand him my cell phone and say, "Hey, it's your wife." That's our "band code" for "Please rescue me!"

[Jimi Ray Halen]

My wife and I have been together a long time and we are the prototypical Beauty and the Beast couple with me being the beast.

She is truly beautiful and built and knows how to dress. Sexy but classy. Guys and girls notice her.

I love to see people's reaction when they see that she's with me. Ha Ha!

 

Besides that, she's very classy, intelligent, educated, and doesn't drink very much. So she knows that I'm busy most of the night - that we're not on a date - and she works the room doing PR. She helps me book gigs, suggests new material, gets people to come to the gig, etc. But she's no Yoko. She doesn't come to practice, doesn't voice her opinion in front of the guys, etc.

 

In other words, it's something we do together. When I first started playing again she wasn't too thrilled with the band idea. So I made her part of it and I think it's been good for our relationship.

Once she realized that I really am not interested in the walking STD dispensers that I occasionally get attention from she was cool with it. She gets hit on way more than I do. My best friend and his wife are usually there. He's 6'9" and a former bouncer so no sweat. But when he's not there I've seen her point to me up on stage (I'm 6'3" and 235 lbs.) and they usually go away.

One time some drunk asswipe started bothering her and wouldn't go away. I was ready to put my guitar down when a guy suddenly came over, said something in the guy's ear and walked him outside. I thanked him after the set and started talking to him. Turns out he is a boxer and likes our band. The kind of guy you look at and know not to {censored} with. Real nice guy though.

It's nice when people have your back.

[worthyjoe]

I like when my gf comes to shows. Plus a lot of times she'll bring some friends and they kinda get the dance floor going.

 

That said, there can definitely be added drama when gfs/wives come to shows. I think it's good that they come but they have to understand that you can't give them your full attention during the night - you have stuff to do and need to visit with other people. You also don't want to annoy your bandmates because they need to talk to you about something or need your help and you are over sitting with your girl. I definitely try to keep sure I don't do that to my bandmates as I know it would annoy me.

 

And yeah, they need to understand that if girls like you it's a GOOD thing (for the band). As long as you don't cross any lines.

[wheresgrant3]

Originally posted by superiorparts i am not a big fan of wives or girlfriends coming to gigs. they want you to spend time with them and that can take away from the pr work you should be doing. it also tends to lead to arguments after the gig about "why was that girl talking to you?". i dont care if my wife goes every once in a while but not all the time. i have been in some bands where the wives caused more trouble for the band. i love my wife very much, but the bar scene is not for her. she really doesn't want to go much. she usually goes to the new years party, fourth of july party, and wedding parties. kevin james www.monkeyboneband.com

 

Well I've seen the pics on your website and I can understand why she be watchin you like a hawk!!!!

 

Hahaha!!.... my band is no better!!!

[BndGrl]

 

Originally posted by worthyjoe And yeah, they need to understand that if girls like you it's a GOOD thing (for the band). As long as you don't cross any lines.

 

 

I've actually been seen this from both angles.

 

I've been the band girlfriend and I would go to all the shows I possibly could (shocking I know) but only because I loved the music not for any twisted need to keep an eye on my boyfriend. I actually loved watching girls flirt with him. It was always kind of an ego boost for me because I knew that he was always walking out with me at the end of the night.

 

But I've also seen the jealous wife/ girlfriend who doesn't seem to 'get it.' I always try to tell them to not let those things get to them b/c I think flirting is sometimes quite honestly part of the job. But at the end of the night, he's taking you home.

 

I've seen a couple of bands almost destroyed by jealous women. Quite sad.

[rangerkarlos]

 

Originally posted by fastplant Plus, once she's heard us, she doesn't need to hear us every time.

 

 

+1

[Next to Nothing]

 

Originally posted by fastplant My wife comes to shows once in a while. I like it that way. I feel like I have to make sure she's having a good time when she's there, and that can kill the show for me. Plus, once she's heard us, she doesn't need to hear us every time. And I can tend to be flirty, as someone else mentioned. She doesn't want to see it, even though she understands why I do it.

 

 

ditto.

[zookie]

My spouse and I are the "band" and that makes for a different vibe.

 

Plus I'm a plug-ugly son of a bitch, so I don't have to worry about interacting with non-existent groupies.

[SteveC]

My wife comes when she can - to the rock/pop shows. She's not so hot on the jazz gigs. That's fine. I actually tell her she doesn't have to come, but she likes to listen and support my interests, which is cool.

[Prog]

One of my bands had a small cadre of women that was a few wives and a few girlfriends. They would always dance with the guys in the crowd. We didn't care. Besides, if they wanted to hide from the band, the dance floor is not the best place to do that.

 

They would also bring other womenfriends (even those with boyfriends). Then, they would be the icebreakers of the crowd to get the dance floor occupied. Word just seemed to get around to the guys that when we played, there were chicks. It got to the point that the bartenders were giving THEM free drinks.

 

Nothing like a group of band-friendly women can incite a crowd to party.

[MrKnobs]

Originally posted by fastplant Plus, once she's heard us, she doesn't need to hear us every time.

 

They hear us when we write the songs, playing them on acoustic out on the back porch....

 

They hear us when we record the songs.....

 

They hear us when we rehearse the same songs over and over with the band....

 

They hear us working out our leads and fills and backup vocals by ourselves over and over......

 

They hear us play the same old songs over and over at every show......

 

But in a new town, to a new audience, they're all brand new again, and to some extent, to us as well.

 

Terry D.

[Brian Krashpad]

I would love for my wife to come to our shows.

 

She got burned out on seeing me make an idiot out of myself in public years ago though.

 

Nowadays she might come see us once or twice a year, if we have some big high-profile (relatively speaking) show and I twist her arm.

 

She's outgrown the bar scene, I'm glad she trusts me out on my own.

 

BK

[Outkaster]

Originally posted by superiorparts i am not a big fan of wives or girlfriends coming to gigs. they want you to spend time with them and that can take away from the pr work you should be doing. it also tends to lead to arguments after the gig about "why was that girl talking to you?". i dont care if my wife goes every once in a while but not all the time. i have been in some bands where the wives caused more trouble for the band. i love my wife very much, but the bar scene is not for her. she really doesn't want to go much. she usually goes to the new years party, fourth of july party, and wedding parties. kevin james www.monkeyboneband.com

 

Yeah that is what happens to me and I do not mean to leave her behind or not pay attention to her but I want her there at the same time. Sometimes you get caught up with people you have not seen for a while or a girl comes out you fooled around with and it can be akward because you know they in the place somewhere. Some guys act like it does not bother them and think it's funny. Last year I ended up seeing two girls at a festival I slept with in 1994 and in 1999. When they said hi to me the question comes up "who were they"" or who was that?"

 

I guess my girl is really supportive and say's well you "had a past life" and brings it up later to be funny. It still is weird though when your past comes out to a gig. It is not that I want to sleep with other girls but a crowd fills your ego especially if you are a social type. Sometimes it is hard on the women and often the girl can get left behind.

[Sordid1]

my wife has came to 95% of the gigs I have had while we have been together. I have no issues with wivesgirlfriends coming to gigs as long as they act appropriately and don't get in the way. In my last band the singers wife seemed to think she was part of the band as well as being a complete drunk and more often than not I left the shows pissed at how she was acting. He was the kind of guy that got defensive even if you told him to sing something differently so I couldn't really say anything about it. Glad that {censored} is behind me now.

[brassic]

I guess it's the opposite situation having a boyfriend at the show. I recently had a bit of hassle at a show (other band / manager being arses, soundman treating us like "dumb girls") so I'd prefer to have my boyfriend around to defend my honour...or at least make sure we're getting a fair shake from the sound man.

 

He's not too bothered by the guys hitting on me, as long as they keep their hands to themselves - I'm more annoyed by them than he is.

[MrKnobs]

Originally posted by brassic He's not too bothered by the guys hitting on me, as long as they keep their hands to themselves - I'm more annoyed by them than he is.

 

Is or was your boyfriend a musician?

 

Because I've found that adds another variable to the mix. My wife and I formed our relationship when we were touring together as professional sound people. Gigs come and go, so we each continued our careers mostly doing separate bands. Eventually her career got to the point where sometimes I'd be off and attending her shows as a guest, which was really strange for me. I was pretty well known to most sound companies and country acts at the time, but the point hit home to me one evening when the wife was working a Willie Nelson show at an arena and I got thrown out. Those folks didn't know me from Adam, and my wife didn't even know what was happening to me. She just thought I didn't show up for some reason.

 

We've both (mostly) given up doing sound, but we are also both musicians. She's played the "band wife" many, many times, sitting with the other band wives and girlfriends at the "band table" occasionally fending off drunk guys and basically being bored seeing my/our acts for the umpteenth time.

 

But I've had to be "band husband" on occasion, and I have to be honest and say I don't like it. I feel ridiculous, and to be completely honest, more than a little jealous of not being involved in the show. I'm happy for my spouse, and certainly support anything she wants to do, so it really isn't a competitive thing. It's just that I have no desire to be an audience member at a show anymore, unless the show is something really special. I want to be working in some capacity. I have seen the very best musicians play many, many times, while working sound. I'm no longer interested in seeing less, unless of course, the lesser band is one I'm in!

 

Which is why I'm asking if your b/f is or was a musician. If so, have you discussed with him how he feels about being on the sidelines?

 

Terry D.

[GOSG]

 

Originally posted by brassic I guess it's the opposite situation having a boyfriend at the show. I recently had a bit of hassle at a show (other band / manager being arses, soundman treating us like "dumb girls") so I'd prefer to have my boyfriend around to defend my honour...or at least make sure we're getting a fair shake from the sound man. He's not too bothered by the guys hitting on me, as long as they keep their hands to themselves - I'm more annoyed by them than he is.

 

 

 

Foolish soundman! I (usually, although by my sig. I'll be the first to admit to occasionally being grumpy!) only resort to rudeness when I'm in a mixing in a club situation that prevents using barricades around the sound console. What really "grinds my gears" is when some ditsy person (male or female) does any of the following:

 

1. Thinks that I'm the DJ (first mistake) and proceeds to scream requests for whatever "line-dance" song that they want to hear. (i.e. "The Electric Slide", "Macarena", etc....) (Second mistake would be that even if I'm playing change-over or break music to assume that I would possibly have any tracks of that nature in my collections...that is what a DJ is for...if the venue didn't care enough to provide a DJ...I'm certainly not going to invest my time and money in fulfilling the "cattle's requests"!)

 

2. They are the boyfriend/girlfriend of one of the band members and they insist that no matter how loud their significant other's instrument/vocal is in the mix..."Could you turn them up I can't hear them."

 

3. They make their way to the console to tell me to "Turn down the bass, it is rumbling." And then I watch as they return to standing in front of the stage...directly in front of a sub cabinet.

 

4. Try to have long conversations with me while I'm mixing. I'm pretty good a multi-tasking, but my ears are a bit busy during a show...make it quick if it is REALLY that important!

 

All being said, I never mind having the BF/GF's hang out at the console area as long as they don't stand directly behind me a hold lengthy conversations at a a volume equal to the artist!

 

End of rant.

[Cap]

My wife comes to all my gigs

 

She also helps with setting up gigs, loading in/out, setting up,etc.

 

She has also filled in on piano for a song or two and plays a mean cowbell for "Dont fear the reaper"

 

But she'd rather dance

 

Thats why she comes

[brassic]

 

Originally posted by GOSG Foolish soundman! I (usually, although by my sig. I'll be the first to admit to occasionally being grumpy!) only resort to rudeness when I'm in a mixing in a club situation that prevents using barricades around the sound console. What really "grinds my gears" is when some ditsy person (male or female) does any of the following:

 

 

You're well within your rights to be grumpy if anyone does any of that. My ex is an engineer (studio, but does plenty of live as well) and some of his rants about know-it-all audience members make my toes curl.

 

I always make a point of introducing myself / saying thank you afterwards, but like in any other job, sometimes you get someone who just can't be arsed.

[Sleepin' Deeper]

 

Originally posted by KeysBear OTOH, if she'd been at the club last Friday night I'd probably be dead. When I walked back in from the break the barmaids were topless and doing some contest picking up tented dollar bills off the bar with their.......

 

 

Ooooh......that one sure went all out wild

[BndGrl]

Originally posted by GOSG 1. Thinks that I'm the DJ (first mistake) and proceeds to scream requests for whatever "line-dance" song that they want to hear. (i.e. "The Electric Slide", "Macarena", etc....) (Second mistake would be that even if I'm playing change-over or break music to assume that I would possibly have any tracks of that nature in my collections...that is what a DJ is for...if the venue didn't care enough to provide a DJ...I'm certainly not going to invest my time and money in fulfilling the "cattle's requests"!)

 

Sorry, I apologize Pssst...you have one in your collection though...

 

4. Try to have long conversations with me while I'm mixing. I'm pretty good a multi-tasking, but my ears are a bit busy during a show...make it quick if it is REALLY that important!

 

Sorry, I apologize

 

 

All being said, I never mind having the BF/GF's hang out at the console area as long as they don't stand directly behind me a hold lengthy conversations at a a volume equal to the artist!

 

Sorry, I apologize

 

End of rant.

End of apology...now everybody "clap clap clap clap your hands...":D

[brassic]

Sorry Terry, I didn't see this earlier.

 

Originally posted by MrKnobs But I've had to be "band husband" on occasion, and I have to be honest and say I don't like it. I feel ridiculous, and to be completely honest, more than a little jealous of not being involved in the show. I'm happy for my spouse, and certainly support anything she wants to do, so it really isn't a competitive thing. It's just that I have no desire to be an audience member at a show anymore, unless the show is something really special. I want to be working in some capacity. I have seen the very best musicians play many, many times, while working sound. I'm no longer interested in seeing less, unless of course, the lesser band is one I'm in! Which is why I'm asking if your b/f is or was a musician. If so, have you discussed with him how he feels about being on the sidelines?

 

That is a very very good point, and it is something we've discussed. My boyfriend was (is) a musician, and fronted a moderately successful touring band for about 7 years in the 90s. I know he misses it, but it all ended quite badly - he wound up having to take a few months off (to recover polyps/modules on his vocal cords) and the rest of the band buggered off, set up their own thing and to add insult to injury, never bothered to give him a share of all the band equipment - about

[NoVaTa2iSt]

Just got this list, Johnny from ATP posted it on myspace.

-Don't try to be the "manager", do not get involved with band business,

that is for the band.

 

-Don't ask his bandmates for relationship advice.

 

-Do Not complain when your (insert holiday here) date gets cancelled

because a show has been scheduled. Holidays are no longer yours. Even

Valentines Day!

 

***-It's NOT mandatory that you are at every show.***

 

-Do not get jelous when your boyfriend talks to groupies. They are the

one's buying the CDs and merch, not you, so let them have their time. And

remember...you get to go home with him!

 

-Babies don't make men quit bands....especially if you were a groupie.

 

-No, the band does not want you to go on tour with them. Like your going

to sleep in the back of a van and eat ramen for 4 months strait!?

 

-Don't make the following introduction: Hi! I'm _____. My boyfriend is in

______.

 

-Don't follow him around at shows like a lost puppy, he is taking care of

business, find your own crowd.

 

-Don't go to band practice. And it's normal to have practice more than

once a week.

 

-Do not assume everyone loves your boyfriend's band.

 

-Don't make out with other band members girlfriends at the bar. Save that

for the after party.

 

-Don't turn yourself into a walking flyer for your boyfriend's band. The

shirt is fine, but must you break out the hat, the hoodie, AND the

stickers on your ass?

 

-Do not stand in front of your boyfriend while he is onstage and stare at

him like he is the greatest singer in thew world.

 

-No rumpshaka dances during the show, that is unless your man is in 2 Live

Crew.

 

-Do not change your style based on the type of band you date. Going from

preppy to Nu to hardcore shows you are not your own individual.

 

-If he calls while out on the road, don't complain about when he is coming

home. You're lucky he is using the quarter to call you, instead of buying

gas or food.

 

-Never say anything negative about your man's band that you cannot say to

him. It will only come back to bite you in the ass.

 

-If your a stripper, keep work on the pole, not at shows. Not everyone

wants to know Victoria's Secret.

 

-Never cause a fight right before your man goes on stage. Relationship

problems can be dealt with after the show.

 

-If they have a show out of town, don't drive just so you and your boy can

have "alone time". Because you want to "talk".

 

-Don't buy your man a new intrument so he and his band mates can match.

It's metal core, not fashion core.

 

-You cannot drink on the band's tab! Buy your own!

 

-Keep the band seperate from your everyday life. That's your boyfriend's

passion, find your own