Who are you?

[MrKnobs]

Lately I've been giving this a lot of thought.

 

What defines a person? Is it your job? Your relationships? Your race or gender? Is part of who you are being a musician? Is it that metal door the guard locks every night at lights out?

 

OK, kidding about the last one, but I'm asking a very serious question.

 

Everyone has at least a vague vision of themselves that may or may not match how others see them. Your vision may be a source of pride (hopefully), a source of shame, or just a tool for understanding.

 

Most of us spend long stretches of our lives without thinking about this too much. When a transition happens in life, that's when we are faced with it and have to think about it.

 

Ask a man who he is and it's almost a certainty he'll reply by telling you what he does. Ask a woman, and she might do the same or she might define herself in terms of relationships, e. g. "I'm Bill's wife" or "I have two daughters."

 

I've gone through a lot of transitions in my life, and I'm going through a couple of big ones right now. I find it hard to let go of some things that I really don't need or enjoy in my life, for no other reason than letting them go will force me to redefine myself.

 

For instance, more than a few years back I decided to stop touring as a soundman. The travel and living conditions were moderately terrible, the thrill from running sound in large venues had evaporated, I didn't want to be away from my (new) wife for the long stretches it required, and it didn't satisfy my need to be on stage as a performer. I didn't think it was fair to the folks I was working for if I couldn't put the same passion into it that I used to.

 

It was the right decision, but it left me feeling pretty empty for a long while. I came to realize a lot of my self worth came from being a sound guy. I felt "special" and "important" every time I worked with "stars" that thousands of people paid money to see and idolize. I felt part of something much bigger than myself, and yet I controlled it all with a few hundred knobs sitting above it at the front of house. Everyone on the stage and everyone in the audience was depending on my to come through, and I always managed to.

 

It was very, very hard to let go of that. For a long while, I kept my hand in working big shows in Houston on weekends, then driving back to Austin just in time (6 AM) to take a shower and go to work at my new job, having not slept at all. I looked like death and was sick most of the time. Finally, my wife convinced me to quit because I was clearly killing myself.

 

I'm going through another change like that right now, and having the same problems. Somehow, being a research scientist has become part of who I am and I'm reluctant to give it up completely. So now I'm back at this job I hate, that causes me great stress, working part time even though I don't remotely need the money.

 

When you think about it, it only becomes more depressing. There are few things in life that are evenly slightly permanent. I guess all I have, for the moment, are my degrees on the wall and the knowledge in my head.

 

Oh wait - there is one other little thing that's more or less permanent in my life.

 

I'm a musician.

 

Which brings up a few questions I have for you:

 

How much does being a musician figure into who you are? How important is that in your life? Will you feel a loss when you finally put your guitar in the case for the last time? Play your last show? Will it change who you are?

 

In other words, who are you?

 

Terry D.

[MONGOOZ]

i will feel a loss when i put my guitar in its case for the last time....because it will be right before they put me in my case....

 

if i can hold it in my lap....i will play it, or at least just sit there and hold it....

 

 

how it defines me or not....that's another matter....hafta think on that one...........

 

 

 

[Bender69]

This is a really short answer to a well thought out question, but I believe a combination of your opinions, your career, your education, your family and your hobbies form who you are. Thus no two people are exactly alike or see the world thu the same eyes.

 

[vanlatte]

Some days you are just too Deep for my feeble brain, Mr. Knobs

 

But it is an excellent question. I am the antithesis of your example, I actually think about this all the time. Sometimes to the point of obsession.

 

I don't have an answer. I am not sure I ever will know who I am. I envy those that can answer truthfully.

 

Music definatly plays a huge part in defining myself....but for some reason that seems to easy of an answer. I need to think about this one.

 

*wanders off to meditate*

[THB]

Terry, you anwered your own question through your discourse. Everything you've done, those who raised you, the places you've been and the jobs you've done all combine to define a person. We are all many things at many times. I'm a preacher's kid and an autistic's father. I'm a chef and a journalist. I'm a husband and a single guy. I'm unemployed and I have a pretty hard job. Through it all I've been a guitar player and a songwriter. For me, the answer is simple: you want to know who I am? Listen to the music.

 

You've been quite depressed lately. We need to talk.

 

[Tedster]

What I do for a living has never defined who I am. Sure, it's part of me, but only a very small part. It varies from person to person.

 

Who I am...I suppose it varies from person to person as well, how they perceive me, including how I perceive myself. I'd say that a lot of folks on these boards, or at least on the musicplayer.com boards, know me fairly well. My family knows me fairly well. But there are parts of me (as I'm sure there are with anyone) that no one knows...I don't let out. I'm a different person when I'm playing a gig than I am sitting at home. I can feel myself change. Sometimes I feel very much as though I'm looking down on the rest of the world, because I feel very much as though they're looking down on me. It's a very complex thing, and, I'd reckon to say that what I'm saying applies to a lot of folks on this board or anywhere else. Who you are is the summation of pieces...how you see yourself, how your family sees you, friends, coworkers, the gal at the supermarket checkout counter, etc...and even THAT'S not the whole story, because I maintain that no matter who you are, there's a part you keep to yourself. In some cases you yourself might not be aware of it, but it's there. It might be reserved for an emergency...you know, like soldiers on a battlefield or in an extreme survival situation. Most of us will never see it in ourselves unless we're confronted with it, and then we might or might not like what we see. The part that causes one guy to rush into a burning building to save someone, and causes another guy to run away. You never know how you're going to react until you're faced with it.

 

Rambling...

 

But, who am I? Well, I suppose one could listen to my tunes and get a decent assessment, but, then, I don't know. I write tunes...but they pop into my head from somewhere...so I don't know if that's "me" or not.

[MrKnobs]

 

Originally posted by THB Terry, you anwered your own question through your discourse. Everything you've done, those who raised you, the places you've been and the jobs you've done all combine to define a person.

 

 

But when you walk away from one of those things, is a part of you gone?

 

Terry D.

[rhythmonly]

I'm a mild-mannered Customer Service Manager for a small manufacturing firm.

 

I'm also a part-time Dad.

 

I've recently realized that the only reason that I played guitar was to avoid confrontations with my ex-wife and her son from her first marriage.

 

I tried reasoning, adjusting, giving in, etc. But nothing worked, so I became a garage rat instead.

 

After I no longer had a family, I moved my gear inside, into a spare bedroom.

 

Sometimes I go in and look at it.

 

I also fight Crime on the side ('cause that's what most of us Mild-Mannered types do).

[Tedster]

 

Originally posted by MrKnobs But when you walk away from one of those things, is a part of you gone? Terry D.

 

 

Yes and no. Whatever it is, you will carry a part of it forever...both good and bad. But, if you walk away from it, it doesn't continue to influence "the present moment" the way it did.

[THB]

 

Originally posted by MrKnobs But when you walk away from one of those things, is a part of you gone? Terry D.

 

 

Of course not, Terry. Do you remember it? Did you learn from it? Of course, the answer is yes to both of those questions. You take a part of that from which you walk away with you, just as you leave a part of you behind. But the part of you left behind is no more "gone" than, to be simple, a great meal. You finish your plate but your belly is still full and down the road, when you're just experimenting in you own kitchen, you'll remember that fine meal and maybe take some small part of it, blend it with some of your other memories and make something new. Use any analogy you want, but that part of you is never really gone. Maybe it's stored away for use later. Maybe it was a bad experience and will only surface when you're deciding how you want to, or don't want to, deal with a new circumstance.

 

When I was winding down my college time, I worked as an editorial production manager for a local rag. There were parts of the job I loved and parts of the job I hated. When I left that job, I left what influence I had put into the publication behind, but no part of me was gone forever. Quite the contrary, I came away with more than I had when I went in, because I learned while I was there and it, in turn, contributed to who I am now.

[squealie]

I'm finding that the older I get, the less need I have for a definition of 'who I am'.

 

I feel I'm more of a color, or a mood, than a paragraph.

 

I tend to reshuffle the deck every few years.

 

It's kind of liberating to think of yourself as a child of the Universe, God, Earth, whatever, while bumping your head repeatedly on the coffe table of existance.

 

 

On second thought....

 

I'm a shredder dammit.

[caveman]

Honestly, I've never felt the need to worry about who I was.

[StringMachine]

I can boil it down with a famous quote, " I yams what I yams and that's all that I yams". If I got that correct.

 

Popeye was a genius. Don't worry about it, do what you do, have fun and keep on truckin or pluckin. Ah.....you get the idea....

[Bender69]

 

Originally posted by squealie I tend to reshuffle the deck every few years.

 

 

I agree. Who you are changes with each passing day. The more you learn the more you change.

[Burgess]

Originally posted by MrKnobs ...How much does being a musician figure into who you are? How important is that in your life? Will you feel a loss when you finally put your guitar in the case for the last time? Play your last show? Will it change who you are? In other words, who are you? Terry D.

How much does being a musician figure into who you are?

Very little. I've done it for more than 30 years and I view it strictly as a hobby, just something to do for fun. I happen to be fairly good at it so it's very easy for me but I could just as well be playing golf (in which I totally suck) or watching my movie collection.

 

How important is that in your life?

Not very. I'd miss it if I couldn't do it anymore but it doesn't define me. I voluntarily gave up playing with bands for several years and recently decided to get back into it. The time spent not playing with bands though I spent doing a little home recording so there was an outlet.

 

Will you feel a loss when you finally put your guitar in the case for the last time?

Yes. I did quit once before while going to school. It was necessary and I didn't miss it for that period. Really had no intention to start playing again once I started working a "real" job. In fact, I just started playing again out of boredom.

 

As for the last two questions...

 

...like I said before, music doesn't define me. It's a skill I have that's sometimes valuable, sometimes a thing I'd rather not be known.

 

To stop playing won't change me. I'll still be the same a$$hole I've always been.

[Tele The Truth]

IMO, who you are is never defined. It's a constant evolvement from moment to moment. I have been many different people in my life time, many of whom are very different. The definement of you as a person comes at your eulogy, and never before. Your life's experiences shape how you view the world, but are constantly being added to and amended. The person I am may be changed by events of today making me a different person tomorrow. Hopefully the changes will be for the better, although they are sometimes for the worst. Personal fullfillment can come from many different and unsuspecting places, so you may need to do a little searching. Others sources may be right in front of you, but be taken for granted. The points of view and attitude you adopt can go very far in your sense of self and happiness. One of the toughest concepts I've ever tried to define is the role of music in my life. Even though I've walked away from it various times over the past 20 years, I always end up comming back to it some way or another. My wife has seen the difference in me during times I have given it up. She now encourages me to never stop playing. Even though it may take time away from my being a husband and a father, it makes the time I do spend being those things all that much better. It's all a sense of balance. If I only had music and no family to share it with, I'd be no better off than being the other way around. You need to find that balance, which strangely enough, is always changing as well. One thing I do truely believe is that all musicians are changed by their craft. It allows you to reach places in your heart, mind and soul that might be otherwise be unobtainable. That is the common bind that we all feel. It's completely unexplainable to non-musicians, but can be shared by nothing more than a quick glance between ourselves. IMO, life is nothing more than a series of moments strung together. If the moments I have today are memories I'll cherish tomorrow, I know that I'm on the right track.

[Locke]

I actually have an answer to the question "who am I?" even though it may change in years to come. Right now it is "a student." A student of life, perhaps. That is, if life defines everything there is to be gained inside these living, breathing bodies of ours. I can't define myself as a student of the guitar, I can't even define myself as a student of music and yet I am both of those. Of course I could say that currently I am a student of:

-guitar

-music

-english filology (my major at the uni)

-krav maga

-senshido

-shooting

-literature

-visual arts

-love (relationships, sex skills and everything in between)

etc. etc. etc. all of those things affecting who I am.

 

The list, of course, would be endless. Not only that, it would change constantly; some things stay there, some things stay there but with different emphasis, some things drop out, some things are added. It changes all the time.

 

What keeps me aware of my "student" status if my pursuit of perfection in all of those areas with the knowledge that I will never attain it. It's a comforting thought, really; I will always have new challenges to pursue, new obstacles to overcome, and, most importantly, I'm learning all the time (hence -> student). Even if my perception of myself, life, this world, whatever was to change over time it would still be like a student gaining a new perspective on the subject matter.

 

Funnily enough, I hadn't really defined myself before but as I read this thread the concept "student" just emerged in my mind and it felt right; it kinda covers all the aspects of what I am and what my attitude towards life is.

[Brian Krashpad]

 

Originally posted by MrKnobs Oh wait - there is one other little thing that's more or less permanent in my life. I'm a musician. Which brings up a few questions I have for you: How much does being a musician figure into who you are? How important is that in your life? Will you feel a loss when you finally put your guitar in the case for the last time? Play your last show? Will it change who you are? In other words, who are you? Terry D.

 

 

Well, I've been playing guitar since I was a kid. Playing in bands for 25 years. Being a musician is a big part of who I am, even though I've never made a living at it, or for that matter even attempted to make a living at it

 

But I'm also a husband and a father. Those things are a lot more important in the long run, but I've managed to balance being a musician with being a husband for 17 years, and with being a dad for 12. And I have balanced being a musician with being a lawyer for over 20 years.

 

I don't ever envision a "last show." Of course, there will be one, but I won't know it'll be the last, because the last one will become the last due to death, illness, or accident that befall me after it happens.

 

I plan to keep playing in rock bands and in church for as long as I'm given time on earth.

 

BK

[FlogRock]

I think people simply identify themselves with the situations where they can 'be themselves'. Where they can say and do whatever comes up in their mind, without restraint or pretending. No thought of 'is this behaviour appropriate at this moment?'

 

I sure can't be myself this way in every situation.

 

Long time ago when I was in a pretty ideal band, this was the thing that gave me my identity in this way more than anything else. Not just an identity as 'musician', but as being part of that band. Deep friendships, love for the same music, and sharing the thing we loved to do most (gigging). Needless to say it was a big blow to me when that band broke up.

I haven't found a band like that again. But fortunately it's been replaced by a great relationship that gives me a similar feeling.

 

Still there are parts of me that need to get out more... Many of us know that our 'stage persona' is a bit different from who we are in other situations... Maybe such parts of your identity die when they don't get out enough?

 

I guess there are similar parts of your personality for everything you do. Some you can't wait to put to rest, some you are desperate to get out...

 

[/vague musing]

 

[JacieFB]

I am a man who will fight for your honor

I'll be the hero that you're dreaming of

We'll live forever, knowing together

That we did it all for the glory of love

[DonaldDemon]

 

Originally posted by MrKnobs How much does being a musician figure into who you are? How important is that in your life? Will you feel a loss when you finally put your guitar in the case for the last time? Play your last show? Will it change who you are? In other words, who are you? Terry D.

 

 

This is something I have thought abgout my whole life, even as a child who couldn't find his place in this world. Others were playing and worrying about which toys they would get, who was popular, etc and I was thinking about G_d, life, dreams and what really makes a difference in the procession of our life. I have come to realize that those thoughts were part of who I am, a thinker, just one part.

 

I have always wondered was it the experiences I had in life that shaped me or is that who I am inherently, in my "Soul"? I am thinking more now that these experiences were meant for me and that has been part of my purpose or mission. If things had gone smoother when I was younger I would have had different thought patterns now when I am older? No. They just helped show me who I am am reminded me that it does matter and to be true to that.

 

To define myself in a short post is too inefficient but I can say a few things. What I do does not neccesarily define me. My job is just that, a job, a means to an end. I have been fortunate enough to be one who works for something they believe in and knew what I had to do for a career. In short, I work as an Environmental Scientist and there is spiritual attachment to this profession. I have learned that the vision I had was more far reaching and glorified then the actual reality of the work itself so I have come to accept as a means to an end for now.

 

If I had to use one word to define myself it would be Artist. This for me goes beyond music and visual art, though they are two of my strongest passions. I look at everything from an "artistic" perspective in that there is magic and beauty all around us that so easily goes unnoticed by the self-involved eye. Maybe it is bold, but I see myself as the Medicine man, the healer, who goes out to have visions and sees things from a different, non-human light and is able to bring those visions back to the people, whether it be grand as a song or simple like a conversation. That is art to me, purveying the essence of all things.

 

Hope any of this helps because I know how difficult it can be to remember who you are in the face of change.

[DonaldDemon]

One thing I forgot to add. Music to some is a hobby, an income, a way to get chicks, etc. For me it is none of those.

Music is the voice of my heart, guitar is the language from which it speaks.

Women have come and gone, I have had more jobs and situations that I care to remember, but none have felt as much as me as music. It is what I was meant to do and only that I have been completely sure of so far.

[Outrider]

AGENT SMITH:

"...but I believe that, as a species, human beings define their reality through suffering and misery."

 

Perhaps. Or maybe we are defined by guilt.

 

...and debt.

 

 

Kidding, of course. At least I hope that's not true.

 

I do not feel defined by my job. I *used* to feel somewhat defined by my profession as a Designer with high ideals and the capability to create, but actually working in the field in what I'd consider a sub-optimal but well-paying job has robbed me of that.

 

Do I define myself as a artist/musician? Not really, but probably because I am perhaps overly self-deprecating when it comes to judging my own skills.

 

I am a husband. I am a father. My responsibilities and intentions define me in these instances. It's relatively easy to get one or both of these titles...I think most of us are hoping for something beyond that.

 

Moreover, I seem to define myself as an extension of my ideals, morals, and behavior. That doesn't give me a name or a term to refer to myself by, but it does give me a set of guidelines that define my behavior, reactions, and opinions.

 

If the question is more about how *others* define us, then I am more and more convinced that this is influenced by the Big Bluff...the face/front you put up for others. It doesn't usually matter that you can back it up because you will rarely be challenged to do so. My band started getting gigs when I designed a kick-ass media package. Same band, slicker first impression.

 

 

A similar subject that has been bugging me lately has been my legacy. What will I be remembered for? My music? art? hobbies? Great Accomplishments? a pile of money? cure for cancer?

 

In the end, I thnk that my legacy will probably be the love I have shared with my family and friends. It will last a generation, maybe two. Then I will be forgotten. I think I'm okay with that, for now. Is this related to what we're talking about?

[Flametal]

I am the Cartician subject I think therefore I am.

I also like to think of myself as the Lacanian split subject which arises in a moment of metaphore.

I knew this philosophy major would come in handy.

[AJ6stringsting]

As Frank Zappa put it,"You are/ What you is".