Members ThumpThumpTwang Posted March 8, 2006 Members Share Posted March 8, 2006 lol. Takes all kinds, huh? lol. Just let the keytar player cover the drum parts, since he's already covering the violins, cellos, saxophones, and all that other metal-y stuff. From a bandmember's perspective, our rhythm player recently changed girlfriends. Now her and her friends are coming out to see us play. That's a big improvement for an audience-starved band. It's all relevant to the people who have to live with thier band-mate's decisions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BlueStrat Posted March 8, 2006 Members Share Posted March 8, 2006 This is what often happens: Boy joins band.Girl sees boy in band at gig and wants to hook up.Boy moves in with girl (or vice versa).Girl no longer sees need for boy to be out playing in bars.Drama ensues. Wheeeee! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members elbow Posted March 8, 2006 Members Share Posted March 8, 2006 You have to do some soul-searchin yourself and see where your goals lie. If they are to make a balance, you can do it. It one has the priority, so be it and make the best of it. The other posts that said to be honest are spot on. If you can do that it will all work out in the end, whether one or the other is where your heart really is, or if you can balance them out. Some of us, uh, mature guys will probably scratch our heads a bit and smile. I got married young (and still am btw) and wouldn't trade it for the world.. but if it were one of the 19 year old musicians that I know in my area.. I would stay out of his decision, but I would hope he would give his music career a REAL shot.. hoperfully with the love and support of his significant other, but if she couldn't deal... well Just my honest opinion.. whuh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members elbow Posted March 8, 2006 Members Share Posted March 8, 2006 Originally posted by BlueStrat This is what often happens:Boy joins band.Girl sees boy in band at gig and wants to hook up.Boy moves in with girl (or vice versa).Girl no longer sees need for boy to be out playing in bars.Drama ensues.Wheeeee! +1 We've seen it over and over and over.... and it knows no age boundaries. I've seen this with the young folks and the older band members as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ThumpThumpTwang Posted March 8, 2006 Members Share Posted March 8, 2006 Originally posted by BlueStrat This is what often happens:Boy joins band.Girl sees boy in band at gig and wants to hook up.Boy moves in with girl (or vice versa).Girl no longer sees need for boy to be out playing in bars.Drama ensues.Wheeeee! Wheeeeee! +2 You guys do know, that some of us respect your advice, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flee Posted March 8, 2006 Members Share Posted March 8, 2006 Right now I'm sort of struggling with this. There's this girl who I know likes me and I could hook up with her, but I just don't have time. Between working as a graphic designer full time, band practices, and working on an art portfolio for admission to a school, there's not a lot of time left. Especially since I still want to practice guitar at home. Throw in hanging out with my friends and all my time is taken up. Maybe I'll have to get rid of the friends . Oh ya I'm 20 yrs old and life is hectic right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mathew Posted March 8, 2006 Author Members Share Posted March 8, 2006 it seems like at this age, and you want to do something with your life (i.e. going to school) and you play in a band, life is VERY hectic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members digital_whisper Posted March 8, 2006 Members Share Posted March 8, 2006 Originally posted by Mathew i know this is the age-old problem for musicians. Its like you can't have both, and balancing them is EXTREMELY difficult. Does anyone here play full time in a band and have a girlfriend or have a job/school and a band and a girlfriend? How do you go about making sure that they know the band comes first? I'm only 19, and i want to take what i'm doing as far as it can go, but i am also very much in love with my girlfriend, and it is becoming difficult. Last night i booked a show on a day that i forgot i said i would do family stuff. That didn't go over too well... It certainly can be done but you're going to need to get your {censored} together when it comes to scheduling and if you {censored} up (like you did) be prepared to cancel the gig. That's not her issue, it's your {censored}up. Doing the whole balancing act requires more work and effort on all parties. Once you make a commitment to one or the other you better make sure you keep it though. I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We have three kids and she works her ass off to enable me to do what I do. You've got to work your ass off to make both the band and the relationship work or you'll have to let one of them go. It's that simple. The main thing is, it's a two way street. If you want her to understand and support you when you have to do band things, make sure that you do the same for family things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Damokles Posted March 8, 2006 Members Share Posted March 8, 2006 Originally posted by BlueStrat This is what often happens: Boy joins band. Girl sees boy in band at gig and wants to hook up. Boy moves in with girl (or vice versa). Girl no longer sees need for boy to be out playing in bars. Boy gets less obsessive about his hobby since Girl is so nice Boy is desperate to be with Girl But girls a bitch Girl dumps Boy Boy appologizes at bandmates Bandmates once again turn out to be best friends one can have Boy totally emotionally fucked up but plays guitar again Sums up my last relationshit. God i hate it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bbrunskill Posted March 9, 2006 Members Share Posted March 9, 2006 You just gotta choose your priority bro. For me my GF comes first. If she asked me to stop playing music and if she had a valid reason to ask it, I'd sell my rig and stop playing. I love her that much. Thankful she is a muso too, so she understands the bug!If shes worth it, look after her! Love is more important than music. I'm 19 too, so I do know what you mean. It can be hard to balance the crazyness of life sometimes!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members digital_whisper Posted March 10, 2006 Members Share Posted March 10, 2006 Originally posted by bbrunskill You just gotta choose your priority bro. For me my GF comes first. If she asked me to stop playing music and if she had a valid reason to ask it, I'd sell my rig and stop playing. I love her that much. Thankful she is a muso too, so she understands the bug!If shes worth it, look after her! Love is more important than music.I'm 19 too, so I do know what you mean. It can be hard to balance the crazyness of life sometimes!! You know the funny thing is, everytime I hear someone say that they would give it all up for their love it's always followed by the fact that she'd never ask them too. I never see anyone who isn't 100% sure say that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members gtrbass Posted March 10, 2006 Members Share Posted March 10, 2006 Dude, Can you hang with the truth??? You are 19 years old. Let me put it to you this way. You are 19 years old. In case you didn't catch that, you are 19 years old. Let me tell you a little story. When I was 19 years old waaaayyyy back in the early 1980's, I had already played in a very popular band that had a hit record even!!! I was hired out of berklee as a replacement player for a band who'd had a minor hit, etc, and after a while the band broke up, as the singer went solo (and later went on to become really truly famous, immediately forgetting my name, as all good egomaniacal rockstars should!!!) So here's me with no band and no immediate prospects. I decided to go back to school and finish my music degree. I go back to University where I'm a big fish in a small pond. I'm basically "he's that guy who was a bon-a-fide rock star for two weeks and now he's back at school." Whatever... Being the local village idiot/sort of celebrity (this was before reality television) I could have had my pick of the litter, but NO! I have to allow myself to get wrapped up in a little college sweetheart. I could have banged every slut in 20 miles, but being Mr. sensitive I tried to be a nice guy. I played in some local bands as I was a known commodity and made some extra spending money and such. It was typical stuff really. Pretty soon I wind up playing house with little missy. We're going to graduate and decide what to do with our lives. So we in our inifnite wisdom decide to be married and move all the way to Los Angeles, California where I can get on with my music career and she with her graphic design career. So we graduate, get married and off we go to La La Land into the Sunset.... Now let me tell you what happens when the story book ends, and you're the ripe old age of 21. We move to LA, where I get to work trying to build a music career, which isn't easy even for a strapping young lad whose former lead singer is all over MTV. She eventually goes to work for Mickey and his minions doing design stuff. We struggled like any young couple. In the short term she did far better at making money than me. Fast forward a few years. I get divorced because I'm married to a stuck up princess who's getting pissy that I'm not yet a millionaire (hey honey I'm 24) so she goes "Hollywood" and becomes a gold digger, banging her way to the lap of luxury. (That's not how it actually turned out for her, but it was her plan.) My point? I would have gone a lot further and had a lot more fun without the dirty little bitch hanging on to my heart and wallet. (Note: To any of the cool and wonderful women who may happen to read this and be offended, I apologize. But hey, c'mon, admit it. When we were 19 not a single one of us had a clue. Boys, girls, doesn't matter. We were all absolutely clueless in our own special way.) You're 19. She's 19 too? I'm sorry but in reality, you are still childern. We all think we're so grown up at 19, or 21, or even 25, but we don't yet know who we are. We all think we do , but trust me, it's not the case. Little girls want to play house. Most often they fall in love with being in love, not people. They have unrealistic expectations, because they don't know any better. I'm over 40. I'm very successful and remarried to a wonderful woman who's equally successful. We're both grown up and have been around the block a few times, so we know the drill. All that said it's still tough to balance our marriage and very busy careers. At 19 if you want to balance school (smart thing to do), a band (fun thing to do that might pan out, who knows) and a girlfreind (another fun thing to do), just know that usually something's gotta give. Young girls see any attention you spend on other pursuits as competition for the attention you spend on them. A job is OK because you will make money ... that you can spend on them. School is OK, because you will graduate and get a good job that makes more money ... that you can spend on them. Sooner or later they decide that a band is not OK because you spend too much time and money on the band.. that you should be spending on them/with them. My advice: If you want to take a real shot at success in music, hang out with cool girls, and don't take it too seriously. Just know they will probably want to dive in a lot deeper than you do. Don't take anything they say too seriously and know that this is a form of playing house... it's learning to have a relationship for both of you. Most normal girls will tire of the band thing once the initial newness of the relationship wears off. Take it slow and be willing to end a relationship because you don't want to put someone through the hardships that you have chosen because you want to take a stab at a career in music. A really cool girl will even be willing to stick it out with you, but I guarantee she will have no idea what she is actually signing on for. Trust me, Mr. Record man ain't coming next week with your truckload of cash... even if you do get signed. Most 19 year old girls watch cribs and think you'll be swimmimg in Benjamins after you pack 50 freinds in the the local dew drop inn. That's not how it is. Music takes longer to see any return on investment than any other business I've been involved with. As Tom Petty put it "Label guy to Artist: You get famous, and I get rich." Most important of all ... Don't be stupid and get anyone pregnant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members joestanman Posted March 10, 2006 Members Share Posted March 10, 2006 You are 19, and only young once. Husbands and wives come might be a first priority, but at 19... YOU come first. Sorry bud, but chances are this girl isn't gonna be the soul mate. You are gonna kick your self, and resent it later if you don't do everything you can to chase your dreams NOW. Go, rock out, hang with your friends, have a beer, sleep on a floor, play a show... there is plenty of time to kiss and cuddle and make plans later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MoreGuitars Posted March 10, 2006 Members Share Posted March 10, 2006 I played full time for many years. I was not married then and had many girl friends during that time. I knew playing music was not conducive to a good relationship. When I decided to get married, the playing out bug was gone. Although I still do, it is a low priority with the family being first. It would be wrong to have it any other way. My homerecording studio really satisfies my music itch now. I can do this and remain around the house. But your 19 years old. That is an important time in your life. Enjoy the music, friends and freedom. It does not last forever, and when the time comes and you enter the rat race, the care free times of youth are a great comfort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dawn Posted March 10, 2006 Members Share Posted March 10, 2006 Originally posted by GCDEF You just have to establish early on what your ground rules are. You play in a band. She can accept it or move on. Don't give it up just because she wants you to. Women will try to control you, but ultimately lose respect for you if they succeed. Bingo, right on the money :thu: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members vanlatte Posted March 10, 2006 Members Share Posted March 10, 2006 Originally posted by GCDEF You just have to establish early on what your ground rules are. You play in a band. She can accept it or move on. Don't give it up just because she wants you to. Women will try to control you, but ultimately lose respect for you if they succeed. Ahem... *some* women will try to control you. ( note that the word "women" can easilly be replaced with "men"... ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members elbow Posted March 10, 2006 Members Share Posted March 10, 2006 Originally posted by digital_whisper You know the funny thing is, everytime I hear someone say that they would give it all up for their love it's always followed by the fact that she'd never ask them too.I never see anyone who isn't 100% sure say that! +1.. yup Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dee2015 Posted April 11, 2015 Members Share Posted April 11, 2015 Hi, wife of a guy in a band here, and first time poster. No offense taken by the comments here, and even though this is an old thread I'd like to give my advice from the girlfriend's point of view. When I met my Mr. Right Now, or as I call him to his face, Mr. Entertainment, he wasn't actively playing in a band, he was tour managing, so he was on the road. We started talking online, met when the tour came to the states and within a few weeks I visited him where he lived. Eventually I moved to Spain where he was based and we've been married 9 years, in that time he's quit tour managing and has focused on making a living playing music locally. I knew that music is his passion and his livelihood and that is part of the attraction, if it's not and you have a girlfriend who says it's the band versus me, you have the wrong girl! 19 is young and you surely have split up with her by now and hopefully you have a partner who enjoys the fact that she has a man who provides his own soundtrack to everything you do. Mr. Entertainment even plays a small acoustic in the car while I'm driving! As the wife/girlfriend you must be secure (women are going to try to come between you and him) Miss big boobs over there would already have a man if she were as interesting as you are, so get over the jealousy. Your musician is with you not her and if you give him a hard time every time a woman approaches him, he's going to think you don't trust him because you obviously don't trust him! If he's given you a reason not to trust him, what the heck are you doing with him? Know that during breaks in a gig, he needs space to talk with the band. Remember that you are not Yoko Ono (am I dating myself here?) your opinion matters to him but not the rest of the band, the only answer to how do we sound is "great!", you can tell him later, privately, that the bass player hit a bum note in the 3rd song in the second set. If they rehearse at your house, don't be in the same room (this is for your sanity as well as for theirs), put on some headphones and go play bingo online or read a book, put in your earplugs (more on that later) and take a nap in your room. Always always always buy your own drinks at a gig, you are not part of the band, don't expect to be included on the backstage rider or the band's bar tab! Invest in some good earplugs because you will be seated next to the PA at most gigs because nobody else will sit there. Know that bands will come and go but then so do girlfriends and wives of band members and while the new one might be hard to accept at first, show them kindness, you were the new girl too at some point. Offer to drive! Mr. Entertainment and I take turns, he pays for my drinks (non alcoholic) and food in return for me being DD/roadie/band photographer, but the money is put in my hands to give to the bar staff, the bar owners will appreciate the fact that the wives/girfriends and friends of the band aren't taking advantage of them, and it will be taken into consideration when they are asked back to play again. When he's away on tour be self sufficient, have your own job, friends, car. Cultivate your own interests, paint, sew, take classes, you're together because you are interesting too! Most of all, enjoy being together now because nothing is forever, bands grow apart and so do relationships, learn from the experience, have fun, dance with the punters (because if you are with a guy in a band, he can't dance with you while playing!) My grandmother (my grandfather was a sax player in a 1930's dance band) told me that was her big regret, that she didn't get to dance, so I do! Lastly, you can love a plumber, a doctor, a drummer (heaven help you!) a butcher, a baker or a candlestick maker, what matters is do you love, trust and respect each other, if either of you is missing one of those then it won't last, go find yourself a nice fella who will do that for you, they are out there, and then love them back, with all your might. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Opus Antics Posted April 13, 2015 Members Share Posted April 13, 2015 Got suckered into posting on an old thread. LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sventvkg Posted April 14, 2015 Members Share Posted April 14, 2015 This is going to sound sexist but I have to say it. Man up. Stand your ground and tell her that you love her but you will not be bullied into giving up your passion and your drive for music by ANYONE. Just tell her to hit the highway if she doesn't like it. Then get drunk, nail all her friends and move on. It's worked for me in the past:) I'm serious because a girl with this kind of attitude toward your music will NEVER MANKE A LONGTERM MATE. Have your fun, get all the fun memories out of it but tell her how it is and be firm. She'll either start respecting you and your relationship will grow from it or get hostile and then you'll have your answer. I regularly tell my wife where to stick it if she gets froggy. Life is too short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members n9ne Posted April 15, 2015 Members Share Posted April 15, 2015 Folks....before responding, realize that this is a zombie thread from 2006....nine years ago! Not sure why Dee chose to sign up for HC simply to respond to a dead thread from nine years ago....but the OP and the people who responded to the original thread have not visited this forum in years, and there is zero chance that any of them will hear whatever advice you might offer. Just sayin'..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sventvkg Posted April 16, 2015 Members Share Posted April 16, 2015 WAIT....I JUST REALIZED SOMEONE DUG UP THIS THREAD FROM 2006?????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members StratGuy22 Posted April 16, 2015 Members Share Posted April 16, 2015 Join the band, and have more women than you can shake a stick at. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RoadRanger Posted April 16, 2015 Members Share Posted April 16, 2015 This place is a bit of a zombie wasteland anyways, no? Hopefully Gibson's buyout will soon result in a working notification system and maybe even autoclosing old threads just like a real forum? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Goldtop5764 Posted April 23, 2015 Members Share Posted April 23, 2015 You need to have the conversation man,,, first with the band to decide what they are wanting , then have it with yourself , do you want to have to tell her in the future that you want something else out of the relationship .. dont be selfish ,,,,do her the favor ,, if she says she understands ,,,,,tell her she is wrong , she doesnt ... she is in the bloom of youth and isnt making the right decision ,, does she understand , ego, selfishness, attitude swings and ,,,,,groupies ..... you are hurting her now but doing her a favor later that she will understand ,,, or,,,,,,, make her a part of the travel team ,,,selling merchendise ,roadie , confidant ,,..let her see the real YOU , in time she will make the decision if its for her ,,, I know ,,,, I am divorced from a girl who fell for the guitar player ,,, I just married the best one who loves me not the guitar player ,,,she is a keeper ,,,Bands come and bands go ,but a real woman is forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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