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How to deal with an "enemy" band...


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So, i played keys for a while in a band, didn't get on creatively, but, even though i tried to be civil at all times, it ended really badly, much hate was spewed at me by the horrible members of this band (one of which was an old friend who seemed to turn on me, becoming the lap dog of the goth-chick singer)...and not once did they realise or are sorry for what they did. my psychology expert girlfriend said they were completely deluded.

 

so anyway, it makes me sick to think this band are still going, the only good thing really is that i stole their bassist (he realised them for what they were and we became very good friends) and now it seems they have a gig with a mutual band we're semi-good friends with...

 

how do you cope with this, my first thought was to warn this mutual band to not listen to any filth or lies or bull{censored} they try and spread about me or my band, but overall take the higher ground, ie not tell about the horrible things they did or their dark secrets...no slag them off as such, but warm the mutual band.

 

but should i really? should i just say "{censored} it" and tell the mutual band exactly what they're like? i dunno, i think a war could errupt with even more bull{censored} being thrown around, and as they're pathological liars anyway, they wouldn't admit a thing.

 

i could probably mess with them quite bad, ie could warn people about the guitarist's rape allegations (multiple) but i'm trying to be a better person, not a 14 year old, slagging people off behind their backs.

 

or, i could say nothing and let this sick feeling that they're trying to turn people against me continue. my life is better now, i'm in a far better position financially/relationship wise/home wise than they are so should i just stop letting these losers get to me?

 

man moving on from something like this is hard. any advice appreciated.

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I wouldn't say a thing and if the mutual band mentions that they said something bad about you I would just say "I don't have anything bad to say about them and I wish them luck". You look mature, they look like they watch twilight and have in depth discussions about it afterwords.

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dont go there. Just move on. Any musical scene is like a small town. Dont be the town gosip and dont be the guy they gosip about. Be mr easy to get along with even if you are getting a raw deal. Even when someone really disses a friend in front of you and puts you in a situation where you need to say somthing..., . My stock answer is ,, {censored} happends ,, and you are prolly not the first person who has gotten crosswise with so and so. He prolly had some other stuff on his plate you didnt know about,,,, Its how bands and music iare ,,, I am just the piano player. I leave the poltics to politicians. You are off the hook and come out with no battle scars and no reputation as a gosip that buys in to the petty crap that can kill you

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Consider what will mean more....Words or Actions?

 

If I was in the "Mutual Band," the band talking smack about the other band would not be appreciated. However, the band that comes in, performs well and without drama and is generally who we would appreciate.

 

Why not just be motivated to give your best performance ever? Again, speak through actions.

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My best advice would be to ignore them. If they are successful or not, who cares? Out of sight, out of mind. Just keep pursuing your own thing musically. The best revenge is a life well lived.

 

That said, I know it can be hard. My old cover band was doing really well, and then one day the drummer and singer decided to quit and form their own band. They didn't even have the guts to tell me to my face. They apparently had all these issues with the band they didn't bother to tell me or the guitarist (the other co-founder) about before quitting. The singer eventually did call me, and apologized for the way it went down. I admit, I was fairly hurt, since our band had been doing so well and I considered these guys friends. I pretty much broke off all contact with both of them, as I didn't have interest in talking with them after what they did.

 

About a year later the singer and drummer came into the same bar I was hanging out at. The spineless drummer hid around a corner from me. Couldn't even look me in the eye. The singer at least came up and made small talk for a bit before they ducked out. I had a good laugh over that one.

 

I basically decided to just ignore them and their band. I think they're still gigging, but I don't care. They're irrelevant to me and my own situation. Trying to get revenge only makes you look petty and vindictive.

 

Edit: Funny thing I just realized...in the pic under my screen name, that is obviously me playing bass. The drummer way in the background is the one who quit the band and couldn't face me. I guess for me is symbolizes how I put those guys in my rear view mirror, and just keep playing. Bands come and go.

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I think your best move is to not play their game which would only lower you to their level. If the other band are the type of people that will trash talk other people or other bands most people will usually see them for what they are. By warning the other mutual band you are very likely to come across as bitter and/or jealeous of your past band and may also be perceived to be trash talking them....which wouldn't make you any better than your past band would it?

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dont go there. Just move on. Any musical scene is like a small town. Dont be the town gosip and dont be the guy they gosip about. Be mr easy to get along with even if you are getting a raw deal. Even when someone really disses a friend in front of you and puts you in a situation where you need to say somthing..., . My stock answer is ,, {censored} happends ,, and you are prolly not the first person who has gotten crosswise with so and so. He prolly had some other stuff on his plate you didnt know about,,,, Its how bands and music iare ,,, I am just the piano player. I leave the poltics to politicians. You are off the hook and come out with no battle scars and no reputation as a gosip that buys in to the petty crap that can kill you

 

 

Cool. Bend over and take it when someone is treating you wrong. Don't defend your friends when they're being unfairly attacked. Do it all with a smile, a few cliches, and claim not to be a politician. Hmm. Sounds like the purrrfect political move. You're totally ready to run for office, and perhaps even WIN!!!

 

Rebel

 

PS--Of course, you're a spineless, dishonorable, disloyal bastard, but, hey, no one'll gossip about YOU! Someone once said, you can judge a person by their friends--or you can judge them by their enemies. Having mean destructive people as enemies is a compliment, not an insult. (Of course, if you take the path of honor and honesty, realize it will be tough, and only gets tougher over time. You can't badmouth people, but you can be honest. You don't seek out opportunities to tell your story, but you do tell it when asked, with understanding and accepting any responsibility for matters you caused. Or, you can always take the (mr) easy way--see above. Good luck!).

 

Rebel

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i don't think that's appropriate, being as i'm autistic, have development/maturity issues, and actually posted an honest question/plea for advice.

 

 

And we're supposed to know that from your original post...how?

 

My wife has been a special ed teacher for 27 years, teaching developmentally disabled people age 18-21 for the past 14 years. And what has become apparent is that autism doesn't mean you can't be an asshole, and is no excuse for being one.

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Cool. Bend over and take it when someone is treating you wrong. Don't defend your friends when they're being unfairly attacked. Do it all with a smile, a few cliches, and claim not to be a politician. Hmm. Sounds like the purrrfect political move. You're totally ready to run for office, and perhaps even WIN!!!


Rebel


PS--Of course, you're a spineless, dishonorable, disloyal bastard, but, hey, no one'll gossip about YOU!

Yeah, if Jesus would have just gotten some guns, we'd all have been better off. ;) :poke: :wave:

 

jesus-with-rifle-thumb.jpg

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And we're supposed to know that from your original post...how?


My wife has been a special ed teacher for 27 years, teaching developmentally disabled people age 18-21 for the past 14 years. And what has become apparent is that autism doesn't mean you can't be an asshole, and is no excuse for being one.

 

 

i wasn't trying to and haven't been an asshole...i asked for help and got called 14, so i don't know what to make of that. i apologise if we misunderstood one another.

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We were at huge local music festival once and the leader of the most popular band was introducing their next song when shots rang out and he went down.

 

The rest of the bands were scared and confused until one guy from my enemy band yelled, "They did it! The Warriors!"

 

We took off running and had to fight several enemy bands on the way. There was an all girl band and a band that dressed like baseball players.

 

Finally, when we got back to our practice space, we had to fight our enemy band. The lead singer of that band had three maraccas in his hand and he would shake them and call out to us.

 

We took 'em down, man...every last one of them and all of the other bands knew that we didn't take out the guy at the festival.

 

 

 

That's how you deal with an enemy band.

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We were at huge local music festival once and the leader of the most popular band was introducing their next song when shots rang out and he went down.


The rest of the bands were scared and confused until one guy from my enemy band yelled, "They did it! The Warriors!"


We took off running and had to fight several enemy bands on the way. There was an all girl band and a band that dressed like baseball players.


Finally, when we got back to our practice space, we had to fight our enemy band. The lead singer of that band had three maraccas in his hand and he would shake them and call out to us.


We took 'em down, man...every last one of them and all of the other bands knew that we didn't take out the guy at the festival.




That's how you deal with an enemy band.

 

Now now dude, I have it on good authority y'all got your butts saved at the last minute by a hardcore urban funk band who came to get you but overheard the enemy band admit to the dastardly deed. :cop:

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We were at huge local music festival once and the leader of the most popular band was introducing their next song when shots rang out and he went down.


The rest of the bands were scared and confused until one guy from my enemy band yelled, "They did it! The Warriors!"


We took off running and had to fight several enemy bands on the way. There was an all girl band and a band that dressed like baseball players.


Finally, when we got back to our practice space, we had to fight our enemy band. The lead singer of that band had three maraccas in his hand and he would shake them and call out to us.


We took 'em down, man...every last one of them and all of the other bands knew that we didn't take out the guy at the festival.




That's how you deal with an enemy band.

 

 

now that made me laugh ^.^

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