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private party's and girlfriends


purplemoss

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We were recently hired to do a private birthday party at a private residence. I have always had a rule that the public gigs are great for bringing girlfriends wives etc. but that if we were hired for a private party of people that we didn't know then it would be just the band going. The drummer has now said that if his girlfriend cant go to the private party then he is not going. These are people that we don't know and did not extend an invitation for us to bring uninvited guests. There is no way I can make an exception for one girlfriend and not the rest. I just cant bring myself to go to this gig if the drummer is going to have his girlfriend tag along. Does it seem like I am asking too much? I am thinking about cancelling the gig. Not sure what to do. Seems like I am not asking much but he is talking to me like it is no big deal. Maybe I am overeacting.

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If I paid a band to play my part, I'd expect and assume the band wouldn't so unprofessional as to bring girlfriends, friends, whatever (unless it was a group of 15 year old kids I was hiring, in which case I'd assume they'd be stupid enough to bring their GFs).

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First...

p-a-r-t-i-e-s; no apostrophe required to show plurality

 

More important: you've been hired to do a job.

Does your drummer think he could bring his girlfriend along to his job? If so, does he think MOST people could, or would?

 

He's being an idiot. If you're at all serious about playing privates, he needs a serious attitude adjustment immediately.

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He's being an idiot. If you're at all serious about playing privates, he needs a serious attitude adjustment immediately.

 

 

Without getting into the delicacies of his relationship with his girlfriend and his obvious need to grow a pair, I'm guessing this has more of a genesis in the fact that SHE needs an attitude adjustment more than anyone else.

 

I don't know too many musicians who actually WANT their girlfriends at their gigs. It usually the girls who force the situation.

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HA!! I'm still mad just thinking about this post!


 

Ya don't say. :lol:

 

I can relate, if an ultimatum like this ever came up it would be really hard to stay calm. In fact I can think of some prior band members that would not react well at all to it. Yikes.

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I don't know too many musicians who actually WANT their girlfriends at their gigs. It usually the girls who force the situation.

 

Really? Most I know are quite happy to have their SO show up at regular gigs, and they often do. :idk:

 

But anyhow, a private b-day part at a private residence? Strangers? it would be ridiculously unprofessional to bring people in the band. (unless the host told you to go ahead and bring 'em) I'm actually kind of shocked this would even be up for discussion.

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Thanks everyone. I wanted to just make sure I wasnt crazy for thinking what a trashy thing to do. I just cant bring myself to allow this to happen at a gig that I am perfoming at.

 

 

You are not crazy, from what you have told us it sounds like a childish thing to do. Some hills are just not worth dying on, if this guy really is threatening to bail on a scheduled gig if his mother...er....girlfriend can't be there than just imagine what may happen when REAL obstacles arise.

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Definitely more an issue with the gf. My wife goes to quite a few of our public shows, but when private gigs come up SHE doesn't want to go because

 

1. It's unprofessional

2. She'd be sitting by herself 99% of the time because I'll be working...what fun is that? Not to mention being uncomfortable because you're the uninvited guest at a party.

 

What exactly does your drummer's girlfriend plan to do at the party? Maybe if you phrase it to him that way he'll change his mind :idk:

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You shouldn't be bringing a bunch of people to private parties that aren't invited or part of the band.

 

This is the BOTTOM line... If they are not part of the band they should not be there.

 

Long time ago I had to explain this to someone... a few times. :facepalm:

 

Long ago I played a fund raiser gig hosted by some very rich people. I had to explain to someone's GF why she couldn't go. I told her: We were hired to be the entertainment for a fund raiser that was $100 a plate. It was open to the public but the only people showing up to drop $100 were Doctors, Lawyers, Politicians... But if you want to pay the $100 you can come, sit by yourself, eat the over priced food and listen to the band. If you are not willing to drop the $100 you can't come. She still didn't get it and actually called one of the organizers. The organizer told her what i told her.

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step 1: Tell him you found someone to fill in for the gig and he's off the hook

step 2: actually find a fill in if he still insists he can't do the gig without the gf there.

step 3: find fill in who will be your new full time drummer

 

 

Yep ... definitely this! ^^^^

 

My policy is pretty simple - give me any sort of "It's gotta be this way or I won't play" ultimatums and one of the two of us are finished. I refuse to negotiate with terrorists.

 

This applies double to exceptionally stupid ultimatums like this one!

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But anyhow, a private b-day part at a private residence? Strangers? it would be ridiculously unprofessional to bring people in the band. (unless the host told you to go ahead and bring 'em) I'm actually kind of shocked this would even be up for discussion.

 

 

I brought some extra people to a wedding gig back in '97 in Petersburg, ND. It was a poor decision on my part.

 

The wedding was for a guy I used to jam with (drummer). He ended up jamming with us on a few songs at the wedding reception, which was a lot of fun. Unfortunately, he had SO many people that were staying overnight that the floor of his entire house was covered with people. We actually had a camper reserved for us outside, but it was one of those four beds expandable jobbies. Since there were seven of us (four piece band, bassist's GF, a "roadie" and a guy who was just along for the ride), we now had to figure out where the other three were going to sleep.

 

Well, the four drinkers/partiers (drummer, singer, roadie, hanger-on) all took the camper, so the bassist, his GF and I had to find our own place to sleep (too cold to sleep in the van). As this was around the time of the Flood of '97 in the Grand Forks area, it was almost impossible to find a room. Finally, we found one in Devils Lake and had to pay out the ass for it.

 

I basically came home with hardly anything to show for the trip.

 

Note to self: NEVER bring other people along to weddings and private parties, unless they are actually part of the band (my wife is a part of my current band, as she helps with equipment and promo).

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