Members tony333 Posted April 23, 2020 Members Share Posted April 23, 2020 I really like the words to this. I have attached a really rough version. Still working on tempo and keeping the tempo and a couple places of the phrasing. It has also been awhile since I've been able to pick up the guitar, and it shows. Homemade Haircuts VI Rona flew in from out of town, much to no one's surprise The straw man in the castle never opened up his eyes Mother Nature waved her hand, telling all of us good-bye Lady Luck held her breath, trying not to cry Randall bows his head at night to say his evening prayers Robin thinks the time has come to straighten her affairs Monday turns to Sunday in just under a year Saturday says " Come on, I can get us out of here" CHORUS Now it's homemade haircuts and cheap box wine Friday night parties over telephone lines Outsides all are empty cause we're smoking inside All just looking for somewhere new to hide VII Roy's driving big rigs, making runs from state to state I'm just out here working, tempting wisdom's fate Wind still blows and birds still sing like nothings ever changed Meanwhile it's all upside down, stamped and rearranged Lynn dresses like Sundance to go to the grocery store Glenda's lost so much time, doesn't know the days no more Talking heads on TV news have gone and picked up sides Shirts and skins and harlequins should feel essential all the time CHORUS So it's homemade haircuts and cheap box wine Friday night parties over telephone lines Outsides all are empty cause we're smoking inside All just looking for somewhere new to hide VIII The world ended on a Tuesday between Christmas and Spring All the thoughts and prayers couldn't save the lyric king Moon as big as Hercules, his muscles shining through The queen wept at the souvenirs and 23 skidoo CHORUS Now it's homemade haircuts and cheap box wine Friday night parties over telephone lines Outsides all are empty cause we're smoking inside All just looking for somewhere new to hide We' all just looking for somewhere new to hide Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikeo Posted April 24, 2020 Members Share Posted April 24, 2020 I just had to listen to this song. Not bad. I get my hair cut once a year. heather it needs it or not With this covid 19 thing. It's gonna be a skip year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikeo Posted April 24, 2020 Members Share Posted April 24, 2020 Me on the far left back in the fall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mark Blackburn Posted April 24, 2020 Members Share Posted April 24, 2020 One mark of a well-written song – perfect cadences. Or as close to it as possible. Sometimes the greats of the previous century would use vernacular contractions to create a two-syllable word out of three (“Ev'ry”). So and thus . . . Lynn dresses more like Sundance to go to the groc'ry store Glenda's lost just so much time, don't know the day no more Talkin' heads on TV who pretend to know the score Don't feel like we're essential anymore. Sure, all four lines would now end in a 'ore' rhyme, a departure from your other stanzas. But hey, who's to notice? Especially if you think this works. This is a very good lyric, I think. Oh yes. Your 'chorus' (which begs for a good musical hook, guitar bass or piano) is well written, I think. You might not spot my suggestion(s) once you've sung them a few times! [Emphases on "OUTsides are all EMPty 'cause we're SMOK-king now inSIDE") Outsides are all empty 'cause we're smokin' now inside And lookin' out for someplace new to hide. p.s. NOW I'll listen to your melody. I just had to write you this note first. You understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tony333 Posted April 28, 2020 Author Members Share Posted April 28, 2020 Thank you for the feedback. But I have to disagree. The extra words throw it off time and out of tempo and in my opinion are unnecessary. And some of them throw the meaning of the line off to the point that it looses its meaning or doesn't make sense. Like how does someone dress up "more" like Sundance. The one place i do agree with is the last line to the second verse, " Doesn't feel like we're essential all the time". it is too short and causes a chord change that is not consistent with the rest of the verses. I have been running that line over and over again in my head. The best I have come up with is , " Sure wish we could feel essential all the time., which i just came up with at work so i have to get home to try and sing and play it . Again thank you. Once I get it recorded "properly" I will repost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BenStoller Posted June 25, 2020 Members Share Posted June 25, 2020 On 4/23/2020 at 3:20 PM, tony333 said: I really like the words to this. I have attached a really rough version. Still working on tempo and keeping the tempo and a couple places of the phrasing. It has also been awhile since I've been able to pick up the guitar, and it shows. It's good, but the chorus needs to stand out more. Maybe start it on the IV chord instead of the I. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mikeo Posted November 30, 2020 Members Share Posted November 30, 2020 I still haven't had a trim in almost a tears and a half. Saving money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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