Members Outkaster Posted October 14, 2019 Members Share Posted October 14, 2019 I actually posted this on another forum but it's relevant here. Running into Old Band Members can be Awkward. Tonight I have to go to my former bass player's birthday party as some of my present members will be there and kind of roped me into it. This guy had quit on me three times in five years. To give you some background his playing was inconsistent among some other things....... Small things became large things and after some back in forth we eventually came to the conclusion in August of 2016 that he should play the music he wants to play. He kind of was a show boater and really didn't like what he was doing with my group but he wanted to be in a popular band. The other members didn't feel it as much but emotionally and administratively I had to put up with it....and I thought I did because we were friends from way back in other groups but that I wasn't in charge of. I saw him once at a party last summer and it was weird. He had his bass and wanted to come up and play and we didn't let him. We were playing where there was a lot of musicians at a party for a local singer. Then my present bass player was having surgery last October and I was in a bind for a bass player. At my singers insistence he came and played a show with us and sounded bad in front of two other bands who don't play nice in sandbox that we were on the bill with. That night I was reminded why he isn't here and would have cancelled it in retrospect. At any rate it has been some time but my drummer is telling me we should come up and play some old Reggae songs. Apparently they have his band is currently playing. I have no desire because he really couldn't feel it in the first place and why would I want to relive something that constantly was a problem for 5 years? It's just not fun at this age and the reason I don't do many open jams. Sorry for the rant but maybe I will just go get a beer say hi and leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators daddymack Posted October 14, 2019 Moderators Share Posted October 14, 2019 If it were me in this situation, I wouldn't go. You have long standing issues with the guy...why even acknowledge him? Your band mates 'roped you in'? How? Have you not told them repeatedly that you have issues with this bassist? Seems they still don't get it if they insisted you use him against your better judgement. Did they not suffer as you did when you rehired him in a pinch and he was not up to the gig? Just tell your band mates they can do as they wish, and you will do as you feel you should. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Outkaster Posted October 14, 2019 Author Members Share Posted October 14, 2019 Well they kept telling me I should go and "it's his 65th birthday" and call kinds of other things. As I said they never really got the butt end of things like I did over the years because I run the band. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators daddymack Posted October 22, 2019 Moderators Share Posted October 22, 2019 send him an e-card and ignore the bandmates...clueless is as clueless does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Outkaster Posted October 31, 2019 Author Members Share Posted October 31, 2019 Yes I understand what you are saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mike M Posted October 31, 2019 Members Share Posted October 31, 2019 I have been contracting / booking my trio since '95 and when one of our original members decided in '98 that she (outstanding musician but a total DIVA) wanted out, I hopped all over it and we've never looked back. We are still friendly (facebook, etc) but I'll call a dozen other people before I call her to sub..... I'd find an excuse not to go. If you're my age (60's), telling your buddies: "I really want to go but "insert name here" (aka: my wife) planned a "candle light dinner for us" that night.... Your buddies will understand..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ggm1960 Posted November 12, 2019 Members Share Posted November 12, 2019 If it's just in a social setting I wouldn't think there would be much problem, wish him well, have a beer and bail out. I occasionally run into former band mates and it's rarely awkward or a problem, I'm still friendly with most although often times it doesn't take long to remember why you might not want to be working with them again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Outkaster Posted November 12, 2019 Author Members Share Posted November 12, 2019 OK but I guess a lot of it has to do with how they left. Sometimes band members bail and leave a trail of sh-t behind them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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